A FEW WEEKS AGO
WHITE LIONS POV
Sometimes we ask Questions we don't want to know the answers to, but needed to known the answers to.
A want and a need are so different a feeling and I needed to know what relationship Ken and Mira shared, whether it was now or in had been in the past.
Maybe deep down I didn't want to know but at this point my need overcame my want.
Ken had gotten ahead of himself and done more than I had requested of him which I honestly did not expect because no one would dare cross paths I did not expressly instruct them to. He knew that yet he did hurt her.
Ken was the ever proud, delusional type but he was not stupid and would not willingly go against me or else it was done subconsciously.
Maybe, he was feeling confident and irreplaceable because I had called him, but I knew he was anything but that.
I could easily find another person to replace him after I killed him of course, but he seemed not to care about that fact immediately he set his gaze on Mira.
It was clear that he had a personal grudge against Mira and the feeling looked to be mutual.
He seemed to be her devil even before I called upon him and that meant something to me.
I needed to know what I had gotten my girl into because of my plan to have her as mine and to finally get out of the world of violence with her by my side.
She belonged with me.
Plans were made but what was most important was Mira. Mira was all that mattered to me and I found myself heading to her house not minding the looks her street people gave me or the disgust I felt when I looked at some of them.
Sometime I felt my blood boil at the thought that they looked at Mira the same way. A classis, judgmental set of jobless lots that talked more than they worked.
The gossip heads had nicknamed me Scar and the name had spread like wildfire in their little street. I would have found it offensive had it not helped me escape questions about my name from Mira. She seemed to be Okay with calling me Scar just like everyone else and although it hurt me at first and still does a bit I knew it was for the best.
Mira cannot know anything about me, not even my name.
My Mira was different from them though. She was unique and so was her mother. As for her father, well, the man had been exactly like I had expected him to be.
Finally seeing Mira I never would have believed that she would so easily give in to telling me her relationship with Ken after a little push of course. You always had to push when it comes to Mira.
It was something I wasn't willing to hear and didn't think she would tell me because of how stubborn she could be, but she seemed to really want to open up to someone and who better to do that with, than a stranger.
At least that was what I had told her to convince her. Something I didn't mean.
She was no stranger to me. She was my whole life.
I watched her intently without saying a word as she recounted how Ken had almost taken advantage of her. Of her innocence and her desire to be the good daughter and the perfect little girl.
My mind remained blank even though I knew I was spotting some form of emotional on my face because that's the only reason why Mira had the confidence to continue her heart wrenching tale.
She needed to know that I cared and I have gone by, by showing emotions that didn't exist.
At first I could not help my heart from raising tantrums in my chest. I could feel her story and I could taste it.
I could taste a lot of emotions on my tongue mixed with the iron taste of copper from the wound I had drawn out of my bottom lips.
One feeling clearly overshadowed everything I felt. Rage. An intense, unbearable, venom.
I felt anger like mountains crashing my sanity. I was angry at Ken but good Lord I wanted to kill myself.
Out of every one, out of every single gang leader I knew why did I have to choose the one who had once tried to hurt my Queen and had intact hurt her?
I didn't know. I couldn't have known but the thought of me doing this to her, reviving her painful memories made me sick.
I wanted to crawl away from her. I didn't deserve to be in her presence. I didn't deserve her.
By the time she was done telling her tale she sighed looking a bit relieved but I was anything, anything but relieved.
I needed to get out of her house, out of her presence as soon as possible.
My mind was all over the place and I swear I wanted to break something.
But it looked like she was not done talking to me.
Her eyes still held anger and I wondered if she could view mine as intense and even more intense than hers in the cool night.
Shit! shit! shit!
Ever since I met Mira I keep being caught of guard. First by my feelings for her, then the realization that I wanted out of this violence, then the length I was ready to go to just to make sure she doesn't end up like my mother and now Ken.
I hated the feelings I felt now. I hated everything around me even myself to the exclusion of just her. Just Mira.
"Ken is a monster you know." She scoffed, drawing my attention again to her lips.
Her shaky voice caught me off guard. I was weakened to my very bones. All the muscles in my entire body felt beaten down.
It was like I had been thrown in raging fire to burn for my sins. Maybe Mira was my Karma my beautiful Karma in brown short hair and thin body, with lips so beautiful and full it was impossible not to want to kiss it; and eyes so ordinary it was beautiful in its simplicity.
And I was a monster who didn't deserve her.
"A devil. I don't know why he returned to my life. I hate him so much, so, so much. I want him to pay for what he did to me but it seems like I'm the one who is going to pay for reporting him." She laughed, a low humorless laughter.
Ken was the Devil but I was the Devil's god.
I held on to her, to my baby's hands and looked at her squarely in the eyes as I made a promise to her, one that I was sure going to fulfill.
"He is going to pay I assure you." I swore to her. I swore to the stars that shown on this dark night and to the moon that illuminated the cemented ground that ran through her compound.
I swore it to the blue gate that was just opposite us and to the sand on our feet.
Whatever deal that I had with Ken was now over.
"The night feels Alive tonight." She suddenly said looking over at me. "Are you crying?" She asked in shock.
It was only then I realized that contrary to what I had believed all these years my tear ducts could actually produce tears for my cheeks were wet.
"No. The wind." I stuttered, feeling too anguished to be humiliated by it.
I deserved to roll down her feet and beg for forgiveness I deserved to be shot to death for the pain I was causing the girl I loved.
I said Something else to justify myself and she replied, but all that seemed to be vague all I needed was to leave. I didn't deserve to be in her presence.
I was a monster that had brought to her life another monster as if one was not enough to kill a girl like her.