"You are strong Mira. I don't think any girl can go through what you have without fully breaking. Monday was overwhelming even I couldn't take that much. I'm the one who is sorry I let you go through all that. The DPO, he was supposed to come back immediately, but he said it took long to gather his people you know the police. I'm sorry I let him touch you. Seeing him treat you like he did, like you were just another girl.. You are not just another girl Mira. You are my Queen. You belong to me." Scar spoke these words like they were a mountain crushing him, weighing down on him, tearing him into shreds.
"No don't be sorry. I let him touch me."
"There is nothing you could have done, Mira.. you thought he would kill me.. You had no choice... He was using us against each other."
Now he hugged me. He wrapped his hands gently around me like I was a sand castle that would melt away.
"Everyone has a choice. I had a choice but I chose wrongly, I let my body decide for me because I was weak. I could have objected more, stopped him, fought, but my body was weak I made you watch, I feel so disgusted with myself. I hate myself." I sobbed.
I could cry when I was with him because he gave me comfort and he was my strength.
"It is all my fault." I kept repeating till she shushed me, placing his fingers on my lips.
"Shhh that's enough.... Stop hurting yourself. It is not your fault it is his. Yes, I hated watching the scene play, I wanted not to feel but I couldn't. I felt the pain like I was being butchered. Every time he touched you I felt like a part of My skin was being cut away. I was bleeding even before he hit me... But it was not your fault. Never blame yourself. He is gone now." He whispered the last part. His eyes were glossy. I wondered if it was because of the moon shining on them or if they were from unshed tears. "You will never see him again. He will never hurt you again. I promise you Mira."
"I should have stopped him I should have fought.." I started shaking from sobbing so much. My nose was blocked and I was finding it hard to breathe.
"There was nothing you could have done. I know you think your mind was weak, but your mind... is not. What if you fought and he.. He hurt you, God I can't even think of it, or say it." He let out a sad chuckle.
"I'm so sorry." I said again
"Please don't be." he said, taking my hands, protecting them. "I should have protected you. I should have let you In on the plan.. I should have.."
"That's OK. You did what was best for me, you always think of me first." I held his face so I could look into those eyes again.
"And you will always come before me... always Mira." He held unto my hands that cupped his cheek. I smiled, this time, I truly smiled.
"Remember you promised me that you would tell me your name when all this is over. I've been thinking about all the cute male names I know, like Mario..."
"I'm sorry, Mira, But I can't do that now." He cut in.
My heart stopped. I felt like I had been broken again.
"Please scar." I whispered desperately. I put my two fingers on his lips to stop him from saying what I thought he wanted to say. I had to try everything, everything to get his name.
"Please Scar only tell me your name, that's all. I'm not asking you to tell me who you are. I don't care who you are, I don't care what you have done. I freaking don't care about anything at all. All I just need you to tell me is your name that's all. I want to at least know your name. I want to know something about you." I pleaded.
"Mira I- ..can't." He choked out painfully.
We gazed at each other, both of us silently pleading that the other gives in. I didn't want to fight with him, but I still won't give into him.
He promised.
"Please scar if you care about me, if you love me then tell me." I didn't want to have to use this card, but he was leaving me with no other choice. I held his hands and squeezed it reassuringly.
"If I love you?" Scar asked, sounding hurt and defeated. "I know you know that i do, you can see it in my eyes. That's who I am, who I have become, just a person who is in love with you. How could any one not see that? Hell even a blind man can see it." He chuckled, bitterly. "And..and I'll give you everything and anything you ask of me, but I just can't give you this."
"You will give me everything but not your name" I snapped. I let go of his hands and staggered up to my feet.
"Mira please!" he whispered, getting up too quickly. He tried to touch me, but I flinched not out of distaste but from hurt.
"This here is bullshit and I'm so not taking any this night". I pointed at the gate with shaky hands. "Leave Scar. Now! You're hurting me."
"Mira please listen to me, I need to protect you, I just can't have you hating me for it." "Please understand." He tried to touch my arm, but I moved back.
"No Don't touch me!" I snapped "I Don't know who the hell you are and it is not like I'm asking, or anything at all. All I just need you to tell me is your name and you stand here telling me you can't. Why, are you like Ken?" I blurted out.
I immediately wished I didn't ask that last question when I saw how hurt he was by it. I talked too much when I was angry. Scar was nothing like Ken.
That's why I tried to avoid being angry, because I don't think before I speak when I'm vexed.
"Mira please Don't associate me with anything that has to do with ken. I would rather die than hurt you."