Scar looked at me with so much love I thought I was an Angel or at least something magical. Maybe a unicorn, anything not human, anything that was perfect, unstained, pure and I was none of these.
I didn't deserve to be loved like that, to be loved like I was perfect, but he loved me so even though I didn't deserve it, maybe because I didn't deserve it.
It was in his eyes, in the way he held me, in the way he smiled at me. In everything he did his love for me showed. So I made a mental note to pay more attention to my mirror, maybe then I would see what he loved so much about me because I couldn't understand why he loved me like he did.
Why he so much treasured the body I have had in my possession for almost seventeen years without loving it as much as he did. He was sent to me, but I didn't know who sent him or why he was sent. All I was sure of was that he was sent to me.
I smiled and looked away from him. I needed to think of a way to lighten the mood. The night had become so intense I feared that I would end up unconscious, or worse still have a panic attack. He was treating me so specially. I had to wonder if there was anything special about me.
"Whenever I sneak out to see you, I like to assume that I'm undergoing a training for when I become a lawyer. I so want to study criminal law... and maybe I'm going to take up a life threatening case that involves me sneaking around or impersonating someone you know those things they do in movies. I've always envisioned a life of adventure, a kind of crazy wild life. A life of risk, the risk..."
"The adrenaline rush can be quite addictive, but things aren't always black or white." Scar said, squeezing my hand.
He went back to looking at the stars.
It was as if he was seeing me up there. Did he want me to be perfect so much he had created another me in his head, a me that lived in the sky? Did he see me as an angel or a light in the dark, something out of the ordinary?
"That reminds me." I blurted out beaming at him. The moon illuminated his face giving him a sought of inhuman sheen. His lashes looked longer and his lips....
I cleared my throat and looked down at his black top not wanting to start thinking about him in ways I shouldn't.
"I totally forgot about your share of Lisa's money. 60-40?" I asked, taking in a deep breath.
"That money is yours alone. I have mine." He replied, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I leaned into his palms wanting to feel his touch on my skin, but he withdrew his hand forcing a whine from my lips.
"But you helped me get it..." I tried to object. Scar clicked his tongue, putting his ring finger on my lips thereby shutting me up.
"I didn't come here to talk about money babe. Tell me what you want."
I wanted Scar, with my entire being. With every blood in my veins and every cell in my body. But I wanted so many other things and my soul craved for me to bare it to the one I loved.
"I want to experience all that there is to experience. I don't want to die living in just a small part of the world, experiencing nothing. I want to live not exist. I want to travel and love and eat every known delicacy. I want to experience the peak of civilization and the beauty and strength of the ancient times. I want to be painted and sung to in the night while cool breeze touches my skin and the moon illuminates it. I want to dance and forget all my troubles, to go wild on the dancefloor grinding some nigga I love." I said that last part smirking.
That came out fast.
"Hopefully that nigga would be me." Scar laughed softly.
"Hopefully!" I was going to laugh but I ended up giggling.
"What else do you want Mira?"
The way he called my name, it was a beautiful symphony, so distinct. If you listened close enough you would hear the music that was made from the rhythm of our heartbeats. Slow and peaceful, the kind of music that brought tears to your eyes and filled you with uncontrollable burst of emotions. Emotions that you never knew were there because they had been buried so deep it had been long forgotten, but they were there waiting, waiting for a stimulant.
Just like the love that had been buried deep in my heart. I never thought that I could love this much.
That I would one day not just believe in love, but feel it.
"I want to visit museums and art galleries, swim in the ocean and climb the mountains. I want to dance in the rain. I want to have wild crazy sex and also make sweet passionate love. So much that i feel like I'm in another world, and my lover and I the only people in it."
"I want to feel like I'm in my mind, because in my mind I'm invisible, I'm god, and I'm Powerful. I hate being weak. I want power, and wealth. I want my name to open doors not even presidents can. I want to love so genuinely, so profoundly and gravely that It feels like I have lost my mind. Like I'm in a moving car with no breaks, no stops, no roads. Nothing, just the occasional thump of my heart. Such intensity that it's so overwhelming that in a single second you can feel the whole world underneath your feet."
He said nothing and I exhaled.
"I want to feel with such intensity that I will be likened to an immortal because a mortal could possibly not be capable of such feelings, has never been seen to love like that or learnt to let go off their heart like I will do."
Our hands were intertwined and his breathing laboured.
"I want to save someone. I want someone to look at me and say I will serve God in truth simply because he created you, something this beautiful something this surreal. If you believe your God created you and you are no god yourself then I must worship your God because he must be beautiful to have molded you. I want to give atheist a reason to believe in God. I want to sing and chant till my voice cracks and continue singing even after my voice cracks. When I can no longer open my lips to sing, I'll hum the songs."
He squeezed my hands, I exhaled. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath. Never before had I spoken about what I wanted, it had always been left unspoken. If felt good to let them all out.
"I want to to be a conqueror. I want the power. God! I want everything, every single thing life has to offer and I want it all with you by my side. I want to exhaust all the possibilities and the impossibilities of life. I want Everything and more. Does that make me greedy?"
He smirked and I guess that was my cue to stop talking. I didn't want to give him false hopes, I was still much a confused a girl. I did not trust myself and I couldn't let him trust me.
"That doesn't make you greedy, it makes you different, a dreamer, a beautiful kind of different." He replied.
"Thanks." This time it was my turn to squeeze his hands.
He tore his eyes away from the sky and settled them on me. It would have been unsettling had it been anyone else staring at me, but with him I felt at peace, I felt comforted.
God! Words were not good enough to express how he made me feel. My words were nothing and I couldn't say much for my actions. I wanted to tear myself open so he could see my soul. I needed to bare my heart to him. I felt so desperate I was again beginning to question my sanity.
I was mesmerized in every sense of the word. I did not trust myself not to tear up. I felt like I was being cornered by all my emotions and they willed me to break.