I WAS HURTING REALLY BAD and nothing I did made me feel better.
Absolutely nothing.
I tried not to cry every single day, sometimes I could succeed sometimes I would not.
Although things had changed for better in my family seeing as we now had money and were setting up a lot of things, I remained sad
As the very reason for which I was starting to have it all was no longer here with me.
No matter how I tried to end the pain in my chest it just would not go away.
I soon started to feel as though Scar had taken my soul with him that night.
He must have, because I felt void. Empty of every and any emotion.
After A week had passed of not seeing him I could no longer find the strength in me to numb the pain any more.
It just hurt so bad as though someone was poking holes in my tiny heart every second of the day, almost making it an impossibility to breathe most times.
I was dying slowly but surely.
What killed me more was the fact that he hadn't even bothered to show his face to me after that night.
Thus leaving me with a lot of sad questions that only him could give an answer to. But seeing that I had driven him away from myself he wasn't here to reply the questions that were threatening to almost drown me in pain.
Did I really mean nothing to him?
Was I just someone who he wanted to fix and now that Ken was no more maybe he saw no need in staying with me anymore.
Maybe he just wanted to be a protector to someone and now that my villain was gone he had just moved over to the next weak girl who needed him and was always in trouble.
Scar didn't look like he suffered from hero complex, but did he?
If he didn't why did he continue to save me even when his life was on the line? Why did he continue to put himself on the line for me if he didn't care about me?
If he cared about me he would want me to know him, won't he? You don't keep secrets from the ones you love, do you?
Trust is love, and love is trust but can they be mutually exclusive of each other?
What if it was about the money though. Maybe he was angry at how I had gotten it, or the fact that I had not shared it with him?
Maybe he had seen how manipulative and vengeful I could be and decided to run away from me.
Maybe he thought that I was pure, and perfect but I had proven him wrong.
He didn't seem to care about the money that day or what I had done to Lisa. But what if it was just an act?
What if he had just been too afraid to tell me what he felt? But why would he be scared of me?
He had said he loved me, was it all a lie? Did our kisses mean nothing to him?
"Mirabel!" My mum screamed my name, startling me and halting my strangling thoughts.
I quickly dropped on the bed the skirt I had been folding for almost thirty minutes now as per being lost in thought.
I rushed out to answer her figuring that she called out for me so loud because She had been doing that for so long now and I had been too lost in my mind to reply her.
I was in the kitchen in an instant, panting a beat.
I met her pouring a little oil in the porridge yam she was preparing for dinner.
She had an annoyed look on her fair face and I knew it was thanks to me.
I hoped she didn't go off on me, but seeing how exhausted she looked now I knew she wouldn't do that.
"Maggi just finished, go and buy one of twenty Naira. I would go to the market tomorrow. I didn't even know we had run out of seasoning." She said, sounding every bit tired.
I stared at the pot filled with orange coloured yams as I inhaled, loving the aroma of the food.
My mum placed the oil on the small old wooden cupboard which we would soon be leaving behind.
She then turned to me and frowned. "Why didn't you answer me since."
There it is. I had almost though I could escape it.
"I was arranging the room and didn't hear you." I quickly replied, not wanting her to know how sad I had been.
Knowing that my face was usually an open book I kept my eyes glued to the food as though it was something so interesting that I could not miss.
I bet that she had noticed that Scar and I were no longer close.
Everyone has actually, and hopefully the gossip surrounding our relationship would stop or maybe it would skyrocket not that I cared though.
She gave me a look of suspicion her eyes darting around my body. "Hmm."
"Besides why can't David get Maggi." I complained.
"Cause its night already and he's too small to go down don't you.."
"He would soon be a teen..." I argued, cutting her off.
"Mira! Take the money from the table and get it fast Before this yam boils without maggi!" She eyed me and proceeded to the cupboard to cut more onions.
That was the gesture of finality, hence the end of our argument.
I stomped out of the kitchen to the parlour where I saw my brothers playing video games as usual.
I wanted to knock their head, or just put off the TV, anything that would help me ease my frustration on them, but I just left it.
I didn't have time for drama and besides they were innocent of my mood.
"Are you going down?!" Daniel asked, loudly.
"No I'm going up." I hissed, rolling my eyes.
"Buy biscuit for us na" David added.
I eyed him and swallowed the curse words I was just about to blurt out knowing that my mum was just an ears reach away.
The last thing I wanted this night was one of her lectures especially considering how sour my mood was thanks to Scar.
"It is house I will buy for you." I hissed, angrily putting on my black slippers.
I banged the door behind me and sprinted down the stairs.
I knew that I was acting like a kid throwing stupid tantrums, but I was just too sad to care.
I was on the last step eager to run for this errand and go back to tormenting myself about Scar's absence when someone took hold of my arms startling me.
My heart stopped beating not only because I was shocked, but because he had caught up with me.
I didn't know that he had been hiding behind the stairs awaiting me, and now thanks to my mum I was standing face to face with the one who had been the only occupation of my heart all this while.
I looked up to see the face that I had missed so much, for days now running to weeks and I could not help the shivers that ran through my entire body.
The tingle I usually felt when I was with him or around him came back in full force almost rendering me dizzy.
My heart started beating again and the thump thump sang one name and one name only.
Scar.