Athena
A trail of sweat covered my forehead, my heart beat like a drum ready to jump out of my chest at any time, my hands were shaking so was my breathing that could give away the storm within me the bare minimum.
What if the test comes positive? I did not have the nearest idea of what I was going to do then. How could I be so reckless about taking the pills? Since my wolf did not exactly reside in my body and the feel of her presence like a shadow was all that I'd ever felt, I thought I'd not be able to bear the child of an alpha, but unfortunately, I never bothered to get the facts right.....
I decided to believe my assumption that had no association with the supposed reality and what was worse is that, now I wasn't even sure if my wolf was as incapable as I'd thought she was. Perhaps, her presence could be more than just an obscure shadow and it could have been good news for me if I hadn't been struck with this unspoken validity in this kind of circumstance where my whole life was on the verge of getting thrown upside down once again.
Never in my life, did five mere minutes feel so long. Each second of these three hundred seconds felt like a day, and with every of it passing by like a rapid, rushed wind, my anxiousness reached its peak and I felt more and more restless.
My eyes remained fixated on the clock whilst Sarah tried her best to console me that everything will be okay. But deep inside I already knew, nothing was going to get better. Once I have stepped into any disaster, I never find my way back to the shore; I always get lost in the turmoil and in the terrible situation I was already interwined with, I did not want to bring an innocent life in this cruel world.
The minute hand of the clock finally hit four, indicating that now I could see the results of the test.
My feet progressed before my own mind could, and I found myself sprinting to the bathroom and picking up the test from the counter.
I froze on the spot, solid like ice. The veins in my veins went cold, and the world around me stopped as I looked at the two lines.
I was pregnant....
Tears gathered in my eyes, my hand flew to cover my mouth in order to stop my sobs.
"No, this couldn't be happening..." I shook my head, sobbing as I looked at the test. I was still in disbelief, the pain that persisted somewhere since the start, stirred awake like a volcano, searing its way as it battled to break through the last bit of restraint and annihilate everything.
"I can't be pregnant...I can not let another life get destroyed...." I sobbed, trying hard to make myself believe that this was just a dream and not the unnerving reality that unfolded before my eyes.
Sarah walked closer to me, seemingly hesitating about what she could do.
"Athena, calm down," She tried to console me as she put her hand on my shoulder but I just couldn't get a hold of myself and my surging emotions whereas most of it was pain and despair.
"I can not get pregnant, Sarah. This test must be false," I drew in a deep breath and threw the test away before I went for the other one I'd taken only for validation.
I hurriedly grabbed the test from beside the basin, however, likewise, my hopes were broken into millions of pieces. This test showed the same two lines.
This time I didn't even need to put the effort to throw the test away, because my trembling hands dropped it before I could by myself.
"No, this can't happen!" I nearly screamed, my agony knew no bounds. I was devastated.
"Athena, listen to me," Sarah took a hold of my hands, "Calm down. Don't panic, everything's gonna be alright."
"Nothing is going to be alright, Sarah. I'm pregnant, and my mate's fucking cursed. He hates me and would probably hate this child too! Do you even understand what situation I am in right now?! This child would never get a good life to live and probably going to end up like another Sebastian Valdez!"
"I understand everything, dear. I know what you are going through, but right now you need to calm down. You might end up hurting your child and trust me you wouldn't feel any better than your mate if anything happens to your baby because of you," She inched closer, carefully holding my arms making sure that I don't get the chance to pull away and do something stupid, "So, calm down."
She was right...
Even though I'd just learned that I was pregnant, I already knew that I did not want to lose this soul growing inside of me, but bringing it to this cruel world was going to be the same injustice as not bringing it.
"What am I going to do? I don't want to lose this baby....but the situations right now are not right. This child would suffer and the worst thing is that my child might have to go through the same situations that made it's father what he is today, a brute. I don't want my kid to live in such circumstances, I don't want another life to get perished in this cycle whereas I, myself, am constantly questioning my own existence."
"Don't worry, we'll figure something out," She wiped my tears and motioned her hands up and down ever so slowly, "Take deep breaths."
My body began following her actions and my heavy breathing came under my control, however, the rapid beating of my heart was still there, the same strong as before. The fact that a blessing like pregnancy has actually become a terror for me hurt so bad, like a knife cutting sharp through my chest and constantly burying deeper and deeper into my heart.
"Come, you need to sit down." Sarah helped me get to the bedroom and made me sit on the bed, my legs were barely helping me to move. All the limbs of my body were refusing to respond to me at all, I was in such a state of shock and dilemma that only emphasized the dreadful outcomes of this sudden revelation.
Never in these few months, even for a second the thought of getting pregnant crossed my mind. I'd never thought that I could bear any werewolf's child let alone the man I loved from the bottom of my heart. This world had made me think so low of myself that I'd forgotten what I was really capable of, and unfortunately, now that I knew the truth, there was nothing acceptable to this supposed good side.
"Look, Athena, I know what you are going through. I understand how painful it might be for you to be scared of bringing your own child into this world, I am a woman too. Indeed, I have never been pregnant, or gotten a taste of motherhood but trust me I understand your feelings. That's why I am telling you, don't take any decisions in hurry. It's your life and you have the right to decide what you want," She spoke, rubbing my hands to comfort me, "If you want the child, keep it and try to figure a way out for a better future, I'll help you in every way I can, even though it's true that I don't have much power in that case but I'd try my best. But...."
She paused for a second before she finally spoke, "Even if you don't want to keep it, you still have my support. None will know about that, after the doctor's checkup to be sure about your pregnancy, you can abort the child."
My breathing stopped and my eyes widened at the thought of aborting my baby. More tears rolled down my cheeks on their own, my shaky hands instinctively moved to touch my belly.....
There was a soul growing inside of me. It breathed with me...connected to me, perhaps thinking that this was the safest place it can ever be.
How can I take the life of my own child?
But isn't bringing him to this cruel dark world, among these heinous bloor-thristy people, the same as death? I did not want my child to suffer because of the same things I did but I did not have any right to stop this precious soul from having his chance to see the world, surely there were dark sides to this planet, but there were brighter places to too, the only difference was that I never got to see the beautiful side, the brightest places I had never been to or probably would never be.
"I don't know what I'm going to do....I don't want to be a killer, take the life of my child...." I lowered my head, breathing out a trembling sigh that gave away the turmoil within me the bare minimum.
"You don't have to be a killer. It's all up to you. If you feel like aborting this child would give you a lifetime of regret you don't for yourself to bear, then just don't do it. Don't get yourself tangled in such situations if you can't deal with them."
"But, the world will kill my child if I don't!" I broke down, "I'm so helpless and pathetic that I don't even have any choice between killing my baby or letting others take his life. I don't know what I can do, I don't even have the nearest idea whatsoever!"
"It's okay, we still have time," She cooed, detecting how panicked I was, "Think about it. It's your decision; Take as long as you want to figure out what you want and what you think is the best choice. Don't put yourself under any pressure, you need to be in the right mind to make the right decision but please don't let anyone else's deeds influence what you want to do. This child is yours, and it might be hard for you, but now you should only think of yourself and this unborn soul inside you. Decide what's best for you."
Everything she said was true, and there wasn't even a spot to argue.
The decision was up to me.
Sniffling I wiped my tears, "I will." this was all I uttered though I had no idea how I was going to take this tough decision, and gain the determination to rely on it.
"Take some rest. I'll take you to the doctor tomorrow." With that small smile being flashed with which she tried to aid me some comfort, she walked out of the room, gently shutting it behind her.
Upon her departure, the previous silence fell into the room, unpierceable and somewhat leading to chaos in my mind.
I rested my palm on my stomach, my eyes reluctant to break away from it at all, different kinds of reflections attacked me and this was the first time when I didn't feel the necessity to push them away because deep inside, I already knew that I had to take a decision anyways so what was the point of fighting it anyways?
Perhaps, for once this disarray could lead me to the right path before someone could close it forever.
Surely I had no idea about what I was going to do, what was going to be the right choice to decide, and whether or not I was supposed to take it alone....but every time the thought of my unborn child's crossed my mind, I got one more reason to be sure that...I was not willing to lose this blessing and, I was not willing to let Sebastian ruin this baby's beautiful future just like Elijah, who once did the same to him.