Athena
"I can die for you, but I wish I could live for you."— His voice echoing in my mind in the thick fog of darkness draped over my eyes brought me back from my deep slumber. My heartbeats went erratic, all my thoughts tangled into a big mess, the need to watch him crawled up my skin, and the neglection of this unfulfilled desire of mine made a weird burning feeling spread throughout my body.
My eyes flew open, and my body shot up to sit straight at the realization of his absence—He was nowhere to be seen but his scent still lingered on my skin, reminding me of all his gentle caresses and sensual touches from last night.
Where was he?
I glanced at the bathroom door, hoping to hear any sound that could indicate that he was there, however, the heavy silence existing in the room made it very evident there was none else's presence in the entire room except for me.
His absence was the last thing I wanted to face today when all my questions were bombing inside of my head, leaving me devastated and full of dismay every time they'd go unanswered.
Me waking up in bed alone, without him around could mean only one thing and no matter how much I try to reason it or avoid the truth, there was nothing that could change the fact that he ran away from facing his fight once again. He turned his back on his problems once again....
Burying my face in my hands, I let out a trembling sigh.
I needed to talk to him. The thought of him being even worse because of his demons and the fears the inflicts on him, scared me. It was actually harder for me to not constantly think of him, and get suppressed by alarming introspections after I witnessed all of his weaknesses last night.
He was fucking broken from the inside and all these sins, and crimes were only and the act of being heartless was only a reflection of his desperate fight to look strong and inevitable. This unpierceable mask of being a cursed monster, a brute whose only language was pain and whose satisfaction lay within others' miseries, was just a mask that he did not want anyone to see through.
But I did, last night I saw all of his scars and everything he never intended to let me have a glimpse of. I'd seen through his cold mask, and I knew he'd not forget that it was he who has allowed me. I knew very well that it was impossible for him to forget a single moment of last night, none of it could slip from his recollection.
"Come back, Sebastian....Please come back." I breathed out, my hands shaking and breathing becoming shallow.
God knew how was he going to react about this entire matter. It was certain that he was not going to take it lightly, it wasn't in his nature that he was going to forget all of it and move past it, because if it was anywhere even near his conduct, he wouldn't be trapped in this dangerous curse that has made him lethal to everyone he'd felt for.
What if everything gets worse? What if he crosses every extent to push me away and chooses his curse all the time?
How am I going to deal with it?
My thoughts went in a hazard. It became hard to breathe, and the air around me felt ten times heavier, ready to shatter me into pieces.
A sudden awful feeling crawled up my insides, my gut twisted and I felt nauseous.
Am I that strong to keep fighting? Can I keep my promise to him or would I run away when it might get too much to deal with?
Unable to hold myself together anymore, I removed the blanket from my body and hurriedly threw on my clothes before I sprinted downstairs. There was still a small hope living within me that he'd be home, at least, that was what I wanted from the depth of my heart.
However, my gut feeling came true when I found no sign of him downstairs.
"Have you seen Sebastian?" I asked one of the guards in charge of the security of the mansion.
"Alpha has left for work, mam."
"Has he told you when he'll come back?"
Mere disbelief passed through the guard's orbs, he looked at me in rather perplexity, "Sorry, mam but we are not allowed to ask him such questions."
It was no secret that I'd gone crazy. How could I even expect to get such an answer from a guard? None in this mansion was allowed to talk to Sebastian unless he tells them to, he was the one for any rules here.
"Oh right, I'm sorry," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose in disappointment.
With the same weird feeling flowing in my veins abundantly, I headed to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water hoping that it'd help me subside the burning ache that was evolving in the middle of my chest.
There was a time when his absence was the last thing that bothered me, then his presence was what slowly became the only thing that comforted me amidst chaos...but never, in for once during all these months I have been with him, I felt so disturbed by his absence. However, the situation had never been the same.
I needed to talk to him before he made up his mind and take another of his decisions that'd only bring disasters.
Feeling even more restless than prior, I walked out of the kitchen, however, on my way back to the hall, the last person I wanted to deal with at this moment.
"Beg your pardon, but it looks like your dear mate hasn't bothered to inform you before he left." He walked down the long set of stairs, amusement dancing in her evil eyes.
"Well, Celine...I don't have any intention to have a conversation with you right now, so if you don't wish to get deprived of any sort of confidence early in the morning, please stay away from me."
I attempted to walk past her but her voice stopped me.
"But judging by the way you look....devastated," She eyed me, making a thoughtful sound and her nose scrunched in distaste, "It's you who seems to be lacking confidence. What happened? Did he use you all night and left you all alone like he always does?"
"Mind your fucking words, Celine," I spoke through gritted teeth, "What goes on between me and Sebastian is none of your damn business. You are a mistress so know your place, don't try to play this game with me."
"Yeah yeah," She rolled her eyes, walking over to the couch and sitting there with her legs crossed, "Isn't that weird that the mistress knows more about him and his whereabouts than the so-called mate does?"
Every cell of my body burned with rage. I did not want to deal with her right now, she was a fucking garbage but right now she was spitting facts that I hated the most.
"Then why don't you just keep your astonishment to yourself instead of trying to poke me? You know you won't get anything out of me, don't you?" I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Good point," She hummed and leaned over as she grabbed an apple from the fruit basket set over the table in front of her. She looked at me, the amusement never fading from her face as she watched me and slowly took a bite from the apple, she seemed to enjoy my difficulties the most, I mean it was obvious she'd love seeing me like this, "This apple's delicious. You can try one as well."
My jaw clenched. It took everything to refrain from punching her right in her face.
"Oh, I was saying something right?" She spoke, noticing my agitated expression, "Well, the good news is your mate might not bother to say goodbye to you, but he never forgets to say that in my case. Sebastian is out of town, he'll be back within a week."
Even though she hasn't physically slapped me, her words did a very decent job of doing that on her behalf.
She knew more about his life than I did— It was the truth I couldn't deny even if I wanted to.
"By the way, he has told me that I can put you through decent use if I want to. Like doing my manicure and stuff, at least that would get something off of those two million he has wasted on you," She stood up and walked closer to me, standing in front of me as she took a bite from the apple, "What to do say? What are your skills?"
"Don't fucking lie, he'd never say such a thing." My voice expressed my emotions to the bare minimum.
"You don't believe me? Here, you can call him and ask him on your own," She offered me her phone, "See if I am lying, come on."
Her confidence diminished my hopes. After everything that happened the last thing, this was the outcome? The worst I have feared.
I couldn't bring my hands to grab the phone. I got frozen at the moment I wished I could escape, somehow go far away and never come back.
"What? You don't want it?" She looked at me in confusion, however, the fake confusion turned into pure loathe as she uttered the next question, "Or can't handle the truth? The fact that your mate does not give a fuck about your existence, your emotions, thinks of you as a slave, hurts, doesn't it?"
Athena, don't take her words seriously. Don't let her do this to you— A voice inside me said it again and again, but I was incapable of hearing anything except for what Celine said.
If anyone knew how to destroy me after Sebastian, undoubtedly it was her cause she was close to my weakness and that was Sebastian himself.
"You know what he said when he made love to me this morning? What did he say whilst he gave me these marks?" She brushed her fingers over the side of her neck that was covered in hickeys.
I couldn't breathe. I did not want to cry or fall weak but it was impossible for me to bear the truth.
Did my love mean nothing to him?
Why Sebastian why? Why does the curse always falls heavy on you and destroy our chances of a lovely life together?
"He said you disgust him. He can't stand you, your presence suffocates him. You are a burden to him, and every time he sees you, he fucking hates it. And trust me, I am going very easy on you because these aren't words he has used, what he used is much beyond your imagination, and I am sure you can't handle hearing those." She let out a low laugh, "So take my advice, stop trying already. You are never going to be anything more to him than he treats you like. The heaven you are dreaming of has been destroyed long ago, and hell? I am sure you have already seen enough. But, if you wish to see more because of a sudden change of mind, you can wait around 'cause I promise, I and Sebastian can show you more of it."
I was disappointed, enraged and even hurt beyond anyone's understanding. My feelings were indescribable, I was already enough broken to go through all of these. After everything I did and all of my attempts....I was still stuck in the same place. Sebastian was not changing. Was his curse stronger than my love for him?
"By the way, tell me when you want a taste of the new hell. I'll record a few sex tapes of me and Sebastian, after all, that wouldn't be bad for your eyesight, would it?" She laughed, her voice a mock "Anyways, I need to go to my appointment with my nail artist. I'm doing this favour on you by sparing you from the chores Sebastian has specifically instructed me to put you on as a recompense for his millions frittered. So, I am expecting a bit more gratefulness from your side the next time we bump into each other. See you, Sebastian's dear mate."
With that, she walked up the stairs, perhaps unknown that she somehow succeeded in making my long-gone hatred towards Sebastian rise at some corner once again.
Sebastian had told me that he did not want me to leave, but did he actually want me to stay or was I building my hopes for nothing? Maybe that person behind the mask was not going to come back anymore, maybe it was just too late....and everything else was a temporary dream that has to break anyways?
Perhaps, the person behind the mask did not exist at all. That one night in heaven was a dream but what was scary was that all these days in hell were the truth...the only truth.