Sebastian
The room was a mess, a heap of wrecked useless belongings. I broke everything I found within my reach, trying to find peace in destruction however, I felt empty. Without her, I had nothing but nothingness screaming inside of me. Each second felt agonizing and every breath felt like a burden; I was falling apart, and the shadows around me were detonating, forcing me to face the reality that went much deeper than the ferocious depth of this curse.
The claws of my wolf scarped against my skin, the fangs fought to tear through, and my skin steamed as I restricted his fur from making their way through, every vein of my body was seething in the same fire I could see burning in the darkened orbs of him within mine as he stared at me through the mirror. He wanted to rip me apart and get out of my skin, tear away from me on his own and the reason was not unknown.
Athena...
The woman who snatched every one of my restraints and broke them into millions of pieces that I couldn't put together even though I wanted to. She fucking broke all of my walls and embraced my darkness as if it was nothing at all. She had no fear, she had no resentment towards me....all she had was love, the only thing I was scared of in this entire world.
Why couldn't she just hate me? Why was it so impossible for her to loathe me from her core?
Growling, I grabbed the table and threw it against the mirror smashing it into mere pieces.
"I can't fall weak. If I let this curse slip away then...." My panic-filled voice went interpreted by my loud thoughts and flashes of Athena's face; The memories of last night poured over me like a rainstorm.
Her smile, her voice, the way she perfectly fit in my arms and her skin melted into mine when the sparks shot.... she was heaven that has landed in my arms.
Perhaps, losing this curse could give me the chance to live with her, be with her and....
"Stop fucking thinking about her!" I shouted, grabbing the now half-broken and hitting it against the wall again and again, watching the wooden pieces flying everywhere and deep down wishing that my awaking emotions would break as well, "You can not have her! You can't love her!"
But I loved her.....
Yes damn, I loved her. The thing I feared the most was now living inside my heart for Athena, and worst of all it was imperishable. She had the power over me, she could ruin me with just a smile and her loving gaze, and what made it worse was that I wouldn't even complain.
She was changing me....mending me, but it was true if she succeeded I'd fall weak. I had the strength to go through the worse now or in the near future, I was ready to face any war but I did not have the courage to face my past.
And letting go of this curse would lift that one last thin wall that separated me from those dreadful memories of the past, and I'd fall apart completely if I face them again. I'd buried them deep, and left no way for them to creep back through the cracks but now....My past fought to play right in front of my eyes.
"No, I can't have her! I can't let her change me!" My hands shook, and my breathing became heavy; It felt like I was going crazy. Hell, she was driving me insane.
For how long I had to keep running away? I was losing it, if thought precisely, I was losing everything, the chances of having a life with my mate and my choice of sticking to my curse.
What was I going to do? She ran in my veins, she was the only reason that made me want to live once again, she made me feel alive whereas my whole life I'd lived like a living dead.
Athena's love has fallen heavy on my curse. She has destroyed my determination, altered my decisions and broken through the walls I'd put around me. My existence revolved around her, my desires surrendered to her, and my soul burned for her.
I couldn't live without her, but I couldn't afford keeping her close to me because she made me weak. She awakened the emotions I'd killed long ago. I was supposed to be heartless, I had been heartless all these years living like a brute...but now, the way she hauled me towards her, I was losing myself in her.
For once in all these years I have spent, I felt like living. I wanted to live but I could not allow myself the pleasure of having her hand in mine, it'd break me. I wanted to be the way I had been, heartless, cruel and brutal— A sadistic monster.
Breathing out a trembling sigh, I sat on the couch.
This was not going to end up good for me. If I kept losing my restraints, the hell will break lose. My demons would eat me alive.
I was supposed to loathe her, her face should have disgusted me but every time I looked at her all I felt was love. She was the only thing in this entire world that I couldn't have, but at the same time, she was the only one my body, soul and mind craved for.
The silence of this room was heavy, so heavy that I felt like it'd crush me underneath its weight and suddenly the sound of the door opening shattered it all at once but not in the way I'd expected, as I saw Aaron walking inside the room.
His eyes took a glance around the room, a flicker passing through them as his stare finally moved to me, "Alpha, we were supposed to attend a meeting. You told me to reschedule the meeting with Chen to...around 5.30 PM."
"I don't give a fuck, just cancel them," I spat, reclining against the couch and rubbing my temple.
Fuck these emotions! It was so easy when I felt nothing. From the moment she stepped into my life, she was just changing me every fucking day. It horrified me to even remember what I did to her, the way I treated her, how low I stooped to hurt her yet all she was offering me was love. How could that woman love me despite everything I had done? What did I do to deserve this, have this chance to get close to the heaven she brought to me?
"Alpha, I'm afraid that's not possible. They might cancel the deal if we push this meeting further away from the date."
"Oh really? Do you think he has got the courage to do so? Then tell him to do it and invite his own death," My gaze shot at Aaron, "We'll see how brave he is."
He looked a bit taken aback by my sudden statement, a look of confusion plastered over his face but he masked it soon enough, "Alpha, I know this might not be my place to speak but is everything between you and your mate going well? You look really disturbed."
"She's not my mate, I don't give a damn about her, okay?! I don't love her, I fucking hate her!" Slamming my hands on the table I stood up, breaking the last piece of furniture that was left in the room until now.
He fell silent for a few moments, scepticism dancing in his orbs.
"But I didn't ask if you love her or not." He let out.
I froze in my seat. My mind went blank and my nerves tensed. I could barely get my thoughts together, and the longing in my heart for the touch of my mate only added to the mix. I was doomed, so bloody doomed.
"You didn't?" The question left my mouth on its own.
If only I could understand how I was supposed to deal with this situation and what was the right choice for me!
"Yes, I didn't."
His response which I hoped would be in my favour, was actually responsible for the opposite because it made me realize after this whole time that I was in denial. I was denying the truth, and I wanted the lie to be the reality which was contrary to how things had turned out.
Athena fucked me up pretty badly. I thought I was the one who has caged her but it turned out it was her, it was always her who slowly trapped me.
Aaron took the cue to speak upon noticing my silence, "Alpha, I think you should talk to your mate. There's no point in fighting it. You can choose what you want; It's your life, and if you want to give it a chance I don't think there's anything wrong with it."
"I don't want to talk to her. I told you, she means nothing to me. And don't fucking talk about it," I clenched my fists, trying hard to hide the sentiments under the depth of the growing rage that I felt towards none but myself.
"If she didn't mean anything to you then why are you running away from her? I don't know what's really going on between you two but you shouldn't have any problem with her being around you if you truly don't have feelings for her," He spoke, "I'm sorry Alpha, but I am afraid, this time you are not right. You are just trying to hide the fact that she is changing you and you are falling weak."
"Mind your words, Aaron," I growled, the beast inside of me tried to emerge as my rage rose higher causing the need to draw blood to surge sharp, "You could be my beta but it doesn't mean I'd spare you any more mercy than I have shown to the ones who turned against me. Don't forget, beneath my skin, I am still the same person you have known all these years and if you have forgotten who I am, I can make you remember it very well."
Fear flashed in his orbs, but not in the way I'd expected it. He seem to lack trust in my words and it was evident by his nearly unaffected countenance.
"Your intentions are clear to me Alpha, it's your conscience that isn't. If you can't accept her at least, free both of you from this burden." He let out before he finally walked out of the room causing the prior silence to ascend from the haze once again.
This was not right. My weaknesses were surfacing....I had to make myself strong and forget about Athena. Either I had to go away from her or push her away at any expense even if it meant losing my peace, and this could either be my biggest mistake or greatest decision.