Athena
"What if I say that I want the grave, Athena? What if I say that I want to be buried deep and that's my ultimate destination?"— None of his words made sense, but somewhere, at some depth I hadn't reached yet, it had a meaning stored— One that was far from anyone's understanding.
It was not even a second ago when I was fuming with uncontrollable rage, shaking in anger, wanting to destroy everything in my reach and turn them into ashes and with only the magic of a few sentences he put my entire fucking world in front of such question that could shatter me.
I did not want to derive any meaning from anything he said and give scopes for false hopes to rise again, I no longer had the time to think of my decision twice but he didn't seem to have any intention to let me do that in peace.
"What if I accept that I'm a bloody coward, and after being satisfied with my existence and collecting enough amount of sins to actually feel like a monster from within, it'd be myself I'd destroy? What would you say or do?" He looked dead into my eyes, leaving my breathing to tremble and strength to nearly fall part into pieces as he wished, "Tell me would you have anything to do in that case? Answer the damn question, Athena."
He was not shouting or scaring me with his loud enraged voice, he was calm— Just so utterly calm that it scared me more than his deadly rage would have, where he'd not have any sort of near the amount of control he should have on himself.
Sebastian's rage was a disaster, but his calm was even more demolishing— It was an apocalypse that'd eliminate nothing but me; Only me.
I tried opening my mouth, to say anything; Get a word out of my mouth that'd perhaps fit with this situation and be my saviour but no. Nothing came out. I fell mum, locked under his dangerous gaze that pierced right through my very soul and explored my deepest darkest secrets.
"Why are you silent all of a sudden? Ran out of words or may I say, questions and judgments that you took too much effort and courage to actually spit out," He chuckled, the sound of his laugh voiced my dilemma even more to me, "What else you can even have to say? Every single word leaving your damn mouth only gets stuck to one fucking point and you just can't move past the fact that your own mate does not want you or even bear the sight of you. Your love disgusts me as much as my hate does to you. This mate bond for me matters to me as much as the dirt beneath my shoes does, unwanted and worthless."
I looked at him. Crumbling from within, the storm of agony rose alike the tsunami after a devastating earthquake that has crushed the depth of the sea and given rise to the disaster that now would consume everything under its wrath.
His words hurt me less than the realization of how badly I failed in fixing this man damaged me. There were no changes in the coldness of his eyes at all, his heart was still the same stone-cold and emotionless.
Unknowingly a tear rolled down my cheek and before I could wipe it on my own, Sebastian reached with his index finger and gently flicked it away— It was not out of empathy, it was for another of his cruel intentions that he'd soon fulfil with the wounds from the invisible knives he has always used me through his voice.
"And you don't have any reason to be disheartened, Athena. I have never denied the fact that you are beautiful enough to lure any man towards you— It'd be very easy for you to find a man who can fulfil both your needs and thirst. Although it's a question of whether he'd be able to satisfy you like me," There was not even a little drop of hesitation there when he spoke, and worst of he sounded genuine, "Don't worry, unless you have plans to cling onto me like a desperate woman, you are always welcome for a quick fuck. At least, this is the least I can do as your beloved mate. After all, you don't feel so disgusting in those special times."
Tears burned in my eyes. I was having a hard time believing that this was actually my own mate who was saying all these things to me. Spitting dirt on me and not even caring the slightest bit— It was humiliating.
"You are fucking sick, Sebastian. You are just disgusting!" I spat, I was on the verge of breaking down, "For you, it's only sexual needs and fulfilment of Sadistic desires that matter, but they are worth shit to me. Your thoughts are full of disgrace just like you, and the fact that you think sex was all we had between us says it all. What can I even expect? You are bloody delusional. One night you come crawling to me, showing me the best of you and saying things you actually should rather than insulting me and making me question myself every day, and the next morning, you go to your damn mistress and tell her that I disgust you, making love to her the same way you do to me. You have a fucked up personality that you change every fucking time you think someone can find your tricks. I should have just kept hating you instead of trying to mend you, I should have—"
"Yes, you should have," He cut me off, his voice low and collected, "You should have just kept hating me because that was what could have made everything easier—For you and me; I'd told you over a hundred of times but you had this ghost over you, to fix me, mend me, magically change me with the astonishing power of your so-called love and write a sweet, lovely future for us. And you are calling me delusional? Athena, if anyone here is trapped by false beliefs that are you and what makes it worse is that you don't know how to get the hell out of it." A laugh slipped passed his lips at the end of his sentence, only proving how cruel he was.
"I'm not like you, I'll never be. Indeed, I lost in this only battle in my life where I'd thought I'd win. But, now I know you are not worth fighting for. A person like you would never ever understand the meaning of life, let alone love. It disgusts me that I loved you," I let out, my lips trembling, "I'm thankful that you have finally shown me what you are truly capable of and surely love is not one of them; I don't want to stay with you anymore. Set me free, I'd go as far as I can from you and your life. And I promise, you'd never have to see my face again once I leave and I want the assurance that I won't have to see yours as well."
A flicker passed through his eyes, and I caught him intaking a sharp breath, keeping me unsure of the reason behind that reaction.
Perhaps, it was a relief that he was finally done with me— Besides, nothing was impossible for Sebastian Valdez.
"Finally," He sighed, "Great decision. To be honest, the only one where you have shown some sort of sensibility. I'll arrange your departure soon, hopefully within two days and—"
"No, I want to leave now. Right now." I cut him off, pushing him away from my body and making space for myself.
His closeness felt suffocating, made my skin burn and the agony dug deeper and deeper.
A look of surprise crossed his expression but he was quick to mask it with a plain sheet of the blank.
"Well...not everything will go accord your wants," He cleared his throat, stepping back and shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers, "Don't forget that I am the one for any decisions, and I still have the power to cancel your plans of freedom and cage you again, without having to get your damn will. So just take my advice and keep your mouth shut until Saturday."
"When did anything I wanted ever been fulfilled? You have always denied them, my wishes, my wants, my freedom and everything," I chuckled, bitterly, "You have snatched everything from me. Even the hopes that I had."
"Right. For you know the truth, it makes it even easier. You stay mum, play the role of an obedient slave for two more days and then you will be escorted far away from here safely. And don't think of planning any stupid escape, you'd either get killed by my enemies and even if they spare you, I wouldn't," He spoke, "Don't forget. In my gun, there'll always be a bullet that has your name written on it."
"Trust me, that's the last thing I'd forget."