Athena
So many thoughts were running in my head. Some that made me want to forget everything, and some that pushed to the same dark pathway that I wanted to escape. I was afraid that this moment would end just like every other good thing that only comes once in a lifetime.
My hands froze right after opening the third button of his shirt.
When the sun would go up and the effects of the liquor would vanish, Sebastian won't be the same anymore. He'd put his same mask on, and get set on his mission to make me loathe him at any cost. He'd not show me this smile anymore, he'd not behave like this anymore, he'd simply not be the same person anymore instead he'd pretend to be the Sebastian who was a living nightmare for me and only intended to show me the worst.
Perhaps, it was beyond my capability to understand what picture he had in his mind, what was his view about this world, what fears was stopping him from letting go of the curse which he considered his escape from the reality and if it was even possible for him to overcome them— I had no idea about any of it and maybe he'd never let me in.
All I knew was that I wanted him. Not as the person who he pretends to be, but the way he truly was. The Sebastian he'd killed long ago because of the cruelty this world showed to him, my mate.
"Athena," His voice brought me through the opaque haze where I'd supposedly found myself being lost, "What are you thinking, love?"
Curiosity was flaring in Sebastian's eyes as if I was the most complex being he had ever come across and his attempts to solve the puzzle that had the key to the answer of my sudden silence was not enough to led him to where he wanted to go— For once, I could feel how desperately he wanted to know me. Not only my secrects, but the little details that none has ever bothered to see. He wanted to reach to the depth, none did and perhaps, he didn't know but I'd given him the access long ago, it was him who couldn't see the open doors of my heart, or maybe he never tried to look at it.
"Nothing," I breathed out, unable to tear my gaze away from him.
He was enchanting. Everything about him hauled me towards him constantly, from the day I met him...with each breath I took, my feelings for him had only increased and it still did, I had absolutely no control over myself when it came to him.
I was vulnerable. Weak and suppressed by the guilty conscience for how I felt about him, and how much I had let my desires take control of me.
Sebastian was right, emotions made people weak and fragile but it still didn't justify his choice of choosing the path he has taken. And one thing I hated was that despite everything he did, he made me feel alive. Why couldn't I be as emotionless as him? Why couldn't I just hate him?
"Tell me," Apparently he easily read my face that I was hiding the truth from him, and if it wasn't for today, I'd never known his soft voice and gentle eyes were my biggest weakness, "What's going on in your mind?" he leaned in brushing his lips against my jaw.
I sucked in a breath, my fears and dismays shrouding my mind upon his question.
"Will you stay the same tomorrow?" I finally asked, my voice vigorously quivering, "Or are you going to act like the same Sebastian you pretend to be?"
His body froze and eyes stilled. There was a barely noticeable halt in his breathing when the question left my mouth telling me that this question was the last thing he was expecting, however, I knew he was not going to avoid it, if he were to, he'd have looked away.
A few moments drowned in silence that nearly impossible to break, however, soon as Sebastian spoke the ice melted faster than any of us might have imagined.
"I am always the same Athena," This was the first time, Sebastian words trembled, one of many of his his weaknesses became apparent and that was— Lack of the ability to express himself and his feelings. How could I even expect him to be fluent when speaking out his emotions when his entire life he has been running away from them?
"I just don't know what I do and why I do it. I just...can't understand anything. I'm so afraid sometimes, and rage gives me the strength to keep living," He drew in a deep breath, "I don't want to go through all of those events or anything similar again but sometimes, I feel like living a life with you where I wouldn't have to be like this. Stay trapped in this dark place. Trust me, I do not like this. I hate myself when I see these scars on you, but hatred is what that keeps me alive, with every breath I remind myself that I'm only allowed to feel one emotion and inflict only pain on others which is all I do....but I don't know why I do this. I don't want to be this way....I don't."
There were tears in his eyes that he didn't allowed to slip out.
He said he only inflicts pain on others, but here...he was the one who seemed to be in pain the most. He was the one who looked the real victim even tough it was his own hands that committed all these crimes and put him in deepest corner of the darkness. In my story he was the devil....but even the devil was once an angel.
"I know I might end up losing you one day because of my own fears that I can never get over. I know that I'm at a dry dark place right now and you came in my life like the light and all I did was to snatch all the brightness away from you. I broke you, I ruined you, this bond between us....but I don't know why I can't stop myself from making these mistakes I can't undo," He brushed his thumb over my cheek, looking at me with love that made my heart flutter, "I don't want to lose you, nor do I want to keep hurting you. But I can't see an escape, I can't bring myself out of this pitfall. Please don't leave me, Athena. I can't live without you."
He looked completely broken. Those tears told me everything I wanted to know and even the secrets I was not aware of.
I did not give a fuck about what was wrong was right but it was that moment when I decided I was not going to leave this man, ever, even if the cost was my own life. It was still a mystery wether this decision was by me or my wolf who only existed like a shadow within me, but my determination was unbreakable.
"I'm not gonna leave," I shook my head, moving my hands to cup his face and pull him close so that I could rest my forehead against his, "I'll never leave you and I promise, I'll bring you back from, no matter how long it takes. I'll be here for you, till my last breath."
"I don't want to lose you..." He breathed out.
"Me neither," I sniffled, kissing his eyelids before I pressed my lips to his. He instantly kissed me back, both of us finding a way to heal us through the connection, the sacred mate bond.
We both were broken, but the exception was one of us had taken off to a path that has nothing but demolition. He thought running away from his trauma would heal him, but it didn't. He chose destruction and I chose peace, that was the only difference between us.
I loved him and I'll always keep loving him. Nothing could change my feelings for him.
"Make love to me, Sebastian," I whispered against his lips, holding him as close as possible.
He didn't need to be told twice. He pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it away to the side.
I took the time to appreciate his beauty. How his skin shimmered under the soft light, how the small details of his body became the most eye-catching attractions, and how the darker shades of tan blended into his skin making him look even more gorgeous than he already was. His muscles looked as if they were sculpted by some ancient artist who had years of experience that made him capable of making his creation the perfect as possible.
Sebastian was absolutely one of the most finest mans to ever exist. And once you could see the love in this man's eyes, you'd never be able to look away.
He unbuckled his belts, throwing it away as well. I was so deeply drawn to him that I couldn't tear my gaze away from off no matter how much my anxiety was rising up, I could only watch him and his movements, getting intrigued with every second passing by.
I could feel my cheeks heating up when there was finally no shred of clothing left on him. It was definitely not the first time of me seeing him naked, but surely everything today felt like the firsts. Every kiss, every touch, every eye contact— All of these felt foreign.
Indeed we have slept together for countless times, however, this would be the first time he did it with love and was not hiding anything he felt. Today, he was my mate, he was giving me a chance to see my mate even though it was no sure that if this chance was one of those only one in a lifetime ones.
He hovered me, a flicker passing through his eyes and a thoughtful smile tugging at his lips as he brushed his fingers over my cheek. I knew he'd noticed how red my whole face was right now and this triggered me to blush even more.
"How come a monster like me get such an angelic woman like you?" He questioned.
I did not know how I was going to answer him cause I was trapped by his alluring gaze.
"You are beautiful in every shape, every breath you take and every small movement you make. No flaw can ever affect your beauty. For me, you will always be the most beautiful woman in the world," He whispered and kissed my neck.
Desire surged throughout my body, and the tingles shot through like thunders.
I pulled him closer, slipping my hand into his hair and leaning into his touch.
He gently parted my thighs. His kisses over my scars felt like kindling to the fire building within me. My awakening desires were surrounding me from everywhere, nothing else existed for me except for my mate.
Looking at him, I could tell I wanted to be nowhere else other than with him.
He slowly rubbed his tip at my entrance causing the need for friction to reach the top. My back arched ever so slightly, jolts of pleasure went up and down, and my breathing hitched.
He looked deep into my eyes and kept me locked under his intense gaze as he finally entered me. He was slow and gentle and the slow penetration made me feel every inch of him against my walls. My lips parted, and a small gasp left my mouth.
I never felt like this. This was unreal. I didn't know whether it was the intimacy that sparked these feelings or something else, but today it felt nothing like any of our sexual encounters before.
He interlocked our fingers and dragged my hands to my sides, beginning with his slow and sensual thrusts making me crave more each time. We fell into a rhythm, there was no pain involved, it was all sparks and unfelt pleasure.
It was just us, the world around us vanished into nothingness.
Soon, I was a moaning mess. My breathing was coming out as pants, constantly trying to accommodate the intense pleasure.
"Sebastian...." My back arched, and my grip tightened making my nails nearly dig into his veiny hands.
He could easily overpower me when it came to strength, and he wouldn't even need to put much effort yet today he was not doing anything like that. He was letting me have control as much as he had. For once, it was not all about him for him, he was focused on making me relish this moment and indeed, he succeeded, perhaps even more than he'd intended to.
"You feel amazing, Athena," He let out a low groan, increasing his speed which made the bed shake.
I did not want tonight to end. I wanted it to last forever.
Moments passed and till now, both of us were covered in each other's sweat. My heart was beating loud, banging against my chest, it was no suspense that Sebastian could hear my heartbeats as well.
The whole time, not even for once did Sebastian look away from me. He observed me, seemingly enjoying all my reactions. I didn't succeed in looking away too. He was going deep, each time hitting a different spot that'd leave me clinging onto him for my dear life. He knew how to make me lose control without barely doing anything and I could not complain about it at all.
It was not hell...it was heaven. Maybe it was true that all of it was ephemeral but at least, for this moment, this was the reality. One of those nights that I'd remember in a good way, like a beautiful dream not as a dreadful nightmare.
"I'm close..." I whimpered, burying my head into his neck, trying to calm my nerves as the effects of my upcoming release began taking over.
I was trembling, and suddenly all of my strength has vanished. My throat went dry like a desert, my skin was set on fire and even amidst all of these, there was a euphoric feeling building somewhere within me that pushed me to the edge. His scent wafting into my nose was not helping me either.
"Me too, sweetheart," His masculine voice made shivers run down my spine. His thrust falling off of the rhythm told me that it might not take him much time to reach his high.
Heat pooled in my abdomen, and my mind went into a frenzy. And soon, I came apart, moaning out Sebastian's name loudly which triggered his inner wolf and the proof was his growl rumbling in his chest that vibrated against my skin. But he did not release yet.
He went in for more, diving deeper as he locked my hands over my head, trying to get something out of me and I got the answer to my confusion when I felt the knot forming once again. I didn't even get the chance to gain the breath I lost, as the pressure began building once again.
"Oh god..."I cried out, wanting to close my eyes shut but ending up failing as he was looking right through my soul.
And then another release washed over me, this time stronger and heftier than prior; Sebastian's release finally followed soon enough, and he came inside of me. He sealed my lips under a kiss as he emptied his load inside me. Electricity was passing through our bodies, the satisfaction flooded in every one of our veins, and the mate-bond did its magic with the sparks of blessing.
Once we broke the kiss, he fell hot and heavy over me. Breathing in my scent, and tracing small circles at the side of my waist.
I caught my breath, smoothing my hand over his hair as we both basked at the moment.
"I love you..." It fell off my lips automatically, before I even had the chance to stop it.
"I-I...." Hesitation became apparent on his face as he looked at me, I knew it, I could feel his urge to utter those words back but something was holding him back and it was not him. His body tensed giving scopes for his restlessness to surface.
He ultimately let out a sigh of defeat before he spoke, "I can die for you, but I wish I could live for you....I wish."
The despair and ache in his voice made my heart hurt. I could connect with his emotions because he was allowing me to.
"It's okay..." I pulled him close, hugging him tight as possible afraid that he'd slip away from me, "Everything will be better. I promise."
"Please don't leave me." It was his only request, said in his low voice that begged for me to stay.
"I won't. Trust me." I whispered, gently massaging his scalp to coax him, "I will never leave you."
He didn't say anything else except for one sentence.
"I trust you."