Athena
I walked out of the bakery, standing in front of him, my hands crossed over my chest and eyes examining him unable to fight off the judgement that flicked in them.
His stare had moved at me since the moment I stepped out, and it didn't even take much effort to notice how restless he was; It was very confusing why this man working for my so-called man was this concerned for my safety when, in reality, he held no obligations towards me. Despite being reminded of it, he was unwilling for the most part to stop doing this unwanted favour for me, and his showing up here was a pitiful display of his disinclination to leave me alone.
I was pissed off and it took everything I had to not end up shouting at him in the midst of these people around us enjoying their sweet time and letting it all hangout. It'd be too disgraceful for my liking whereas all I preferred was calm, and Aaron on the other hand....well, it was still a question.
"What do you want, Aaron?"
He stood up from his seat, dry licking his lips and emitting a low sigh that gave away more than he perhaps intended to. He did lack confidence and, I couldn't help but notice how polar opposite he was if compared to the man who ruined my life and left it in pieces; I found it absolutely astonishing that he was here intending to protect those same broken fragments that did not require any protection at all, simply because they weren't to change and mend themselves back.
"I want to talk to you."
"As far as my memory takes me, I think we are already done talking."
"You— You are done talking. Not me," He said, softly, a fraction of hopefulness sprouting at the curves of his tone, "Would you please listen to me?"
"Why would I listen to anything you say, Aaron? What are you even trying to do?" It was hard trying to keep my voice low and prevent the urge of wanting to speak loud just so he could get how serious I have been about every word I said to him yesterday, "Why aren't you just willing to listen to me and leave me alone?"
"Because I don't want to and you may think being alone is the best choice you could possibly make for yourself but no, it's not. You can't just give your life away just because of the losses you endured in the past even though some of them are irreversible. Life doesn't work that way. Have the courage to accept the truth and get out of the fitful shelter you think will protect you from the storm."
"How is that any of your business? It's my life and I'm the one who'd choose what I want and what I don't whether it turns out that destruction is what I ultimately end up deciding. Still, I don't see how you have any right to interfere in my life and the choices that I'm responsible for." Eventually, my voice got louder and I ended up drawing a few people's attention to us.
As expected Aaron's eyes moved to spot the prying gazes of strangers glancing at us but that was it, there was not any other response from his side for the longest few minutes where he left me questioning the questions looping around my head, strangling my mind like a deadly cobra.
"And you think sacrificing your life would bring justice to your child?"— Never, even in my dreams, I would have expected this sort of a question from Aaron and ironically he uttered those exact words, perhaps magically figuring it out in his mind that it'd push me off the bridge.
Unfortunate me— He succeeded.
There was pain— Nothing but pain; Excruciating even, like a tsunami attacking from all sides, a storm snatching the last shelter away and the scorching heat of the sun burning my skin to coal— Yet, somehow I went numb as ice.
What he said was not a lie and that was the problem. He effortlessly spoke out the truth I'd been trying to run away only so that I wouldn't have to call myself weak and pathetic for not wishing to live anymore.
Indeed I was trying to live, trying to learn the ways of survival and fight back strong— This was how I'd outlived these past six months whereas each day felt like a year, alone, having the burden of grief hanging off of my shoulders, and desperately scouring for a single meaning in the unknown crowd hoping it'd help me live again, but getting nothing in the end; Only ending up disappointed, exhausted and suffering in the midst of everything, having to deal with the lack of air, forcing my collapsing lungs to work, after each swim.
My legs fought to give up, and eventually, my hands moved to grip the top rail of the chair, the movement solely involuntarily on its own, a last attempt from my body to not end up falling on my knees.
"You know what you are trying to do is wrong, deep down you also know that sacrificing yourself won't bring back your child and turn back the time and that's why you are standing here, in front of me. But you can't hide the fact that you have gotten so hopeless with the situations around you that deep down you are wanting someone else to do the favour for you, can you?"
He was spitting facts on my face that I wished to leave unseen for as long as I could; I didn't know what he expected as an outcome or what his intention was.
My mind was a mess and I did not want anyone to solve it but right now, this man was doing that one I didn't want to be done at any point in my life.
"What I believe and intended, has nothing to do with you," A shaky exhale was all I could muster.
"That's what you suppose," He said, "Indeed you get to decide what you want, indeed it's your life and I certainly have no power over any of your decisions of yours nor do I have the authority to influence, but all I am trying to do is to tell you— Not everything you think is right, is actually what's needed to be done."
"Nothing will ever convince me to think I can live my life all over again. There's nothing that'd make me believe I have a chance of happiness left in this world and I'll get through the loss of my child. Don't waste your valuable time on someone like me," Finally some stability kicked in my voice, and my gaze did not waver any more, "So you had better go now."
Despite telling him to go, my own legs were unwilling to move— I had no control over my body nor my mind when I needed to be wise further than at any other time.
"Why don't you just understand that I can't let you pay the price of someone else's deeds just like that innocent soul did?!"
"Why do you bring my child into the conversation over and over again? Why are you just reminding me that I lost my child before even getting to the face? Is your sole intention to hurt me and push me back to the past and break me again, shatter the pieces that took so many days to gather?!" Tears unknowingly gathered in my eyes and I found it hard to breathe, "Why Aaron? Why the fuck have you come here and ruined everything I have someone pieced up together?"
Now, the air felt heavier than stone and sharp like needles.
Realisation crossed his hazel orbs as he watched the first teardrop slide down my cheek.
"Athena, I did not want to—"
I motioned my hand for him to stop before he could complete his sentence.
"It does not matter what you wanted to do or what your intention was. It just doesn't matter," I harshly wiped off my tears with the back of my hand, "I don't want your help and if that ends up making me end up dead, I don't care. You can go and serve your dear Alpha as you have always done; Don't interfere in my life."
I turned around and attempted to walk away.
"I'm sorry, I did not want to hurt you by any means," He left his place and stood in front of me, blocking my way, "I am extremely sorry for my words but I couldn't find any other way to make you believe me."
"Get off of my way, Aaron," I didn't even want to look at his face; Not because of anger— Him noticing my eyes brimming with tears and seeing my weak side was the last thing I wanted.
"No, I won't."
"Why?!" I nearly shouted, not giving a shit about the supposed scene I was making in the public. Besides, five-eight middle-aged people were not going to spread the word like teenagers who loved making videos out of every little situation and making a blunder anyways.
"Because I care for you," He raised his voice as well, "And before you ask why— I don't have the answer to that. I just do. And I won't let you ruin your life by holding onto the griefs of the past with all of yourself. You have to move past it, think about yourself and live. It might not be a bed of roses, but on the bright side, you won't have to deal with the painful thorns as well. Sometimes fewer expectations are better; at least you would have a beginning, something to start with."
"Aaron, you don't understand...it's easier said than—"
"I know it's easier said than done. I won't deny that you are the one who is suffering here, it'd be completely unfair to say that you are not trying your best to overcome the situation; I know what you are going through and that's why I just want to help, keep you safe and out of danger," He stepped closer, "Trust me, I do not want to make it harder for you than it already is. All I want is— Be a person to stand beside you in your lowest."
I did not what magic lay beneath his words that melted the ice within my heart. The tears I'd been suppressing for so long betrayed me and streamed down my face.
"I don't know what I am going to do....ever since I lost my child I don't see a purpose to live no matter how much I try to find one," A sob left my mouth, "It's not like I'm proud of the fact that I'm giving up at some extent, but I just don't know what am I supposed to do....I—" My next words died in my throat, the inner dilemma shrouding the most of me.
My hands vigorously shook as I tried wiping my tears and getting a hold of my anxiety that reached its peak.
"It's okay, calm down," He cooed and slowly grabbed ahold of my hands, gently pulling me closer. In his arms.
And much to my own surprise, my hands went to wrap around him as well.
"I am not a weakling, Aaron. I don't want to let go of my life and chances at happiness," I sniffled, my body allowing me to seek comfort in his warmth as my head automatically moved to rest my forehead against his chest, "I am just...tired of fighting."
"I know," He stood there, offering me solace and letting me grieve, ruining his shirt with my tears and not having even the slightest bit of complaint about it.
It was beyond my understanding if I should blame myself for seeking comfort from the last person I should have, or do myself the favour to stay out of the discussion of what's right or not and bask in the moment of peace. Perhaps, I might have not said it, but it was announced the second I hugged him back— I have already chosen the second option.