Athena
I couldn't find any reasons why I felt like the missing part of my soul was around, knocking on the doors of my heart, and demanding an entrance by making me acknowledge something, a feeling I'd thought was stupid until now.
Since I stepped into this venue, my wolf's deadly silence should have been enough to confirm the unnerving fact that...he was around.
But I didn't think her silence actually meant this....never in my wildest dreams, nor in those terrific nightmares I had, I could have ever thought or even gotten near the kind of an assumption where it could lead me to the conclusion of him being here.
I was living my own fucking life, miles away from his cage, making this small town my comfort zone only so that I could feel alive once again, find a new meaning that he tarnished in all the ways he could when he had the chance and here he was, standing right in front of me like the same storm that destroyed my life.
It hadn't even been a year....and I was standing here, facing the monster of my dreams.
Why? Why did fate put me in the same place I'd thought of escaping?
It felt like his presence had undid all the knots I'd tied on the doors of my past, the chains around my heart and the blinds to hide a part of my memory I couldn't erase even though I wished to from my core.
I wanted to feel nothing other than hatred but all of my bones were collapsing, not leaving a drop of strength for me. I felt weak, extremely weak and drawn to him. And the more I felt the burden of this mate bond, the more my misery stood like a colourful rainbow hiding the disaster underneath its beautiful deceptive colours— I still loved him.....I still loved this man after everything he did!
Tears blurred my vision, I couldn't tear my eyes away from him.
The fact I hadn't been able to erase even one per cent of the love I had for him, made me loathe myself.
How could I still be in love with him?
He ruined me! He broke me at every chance that he got. He shattered me and painted the pieces black with the darkness he had within himself. Yet, all I had offered was love and all I asked for...was just a place in messed up life only so that I could rearrange it and make it better.
Amidst the chaos of my thoughts and jumbled emotions tangled in one place, I felt the slight nudge on my arm by Georgia but none of the words she'd said made their way to my ears. But once she grabbed me by hand and dragged me towards the stage with herself and our other co-workers, I got my answer.
It was then that his and my eye contact broke off. Nonetheless, it did nothing to help me overcome the dilemma stirring wide awake, deep within my mind nor did it calm the turmoil shrouding my soul.
My eyes would catch none but him; Even as I walked up to the stage despite my will, even when he got back to his seat never breaking his stare off of me. The look on his face said so many untold stories yet it said nothing at all. He looked empty— Even if I put all the effort into this world, I still wouldn't be able to get near to the slightest hint of what he felt and what was the state of his emotions.
If I had to guess, judging by Sebastian's previous characteristics, one that I'd always seen and the one that put me through hell for his own satisfaction— I'd say, he felt nothing, existing like the same void being who only had one language— Pain.
Unable to take it anymore, I looked away. My mere attempt was to hide all my pain beneath the shadows of my hair and blink the tears away just to not let on my weakness.
Moments passed, the formalities were done, and I walked down like everyone else. Still unable to peel me away from the feel of his stare lingering on me.
He was looking at me the whole time and all that I could do was to try with everything I had in myself, to not let myself get vulnerable again. But for some reason, I already knew that he'd always seen through my facade and discovered all the secrets I used to keep myself together throughout these months.
Was he going to use them against me? No idea.
Till we walked down the stage, Georgia seemed to have figured out that I was not comfortable.
Perhaps my wavering gaze and trembling hands tangling and fumbling their fingers together had made it too obvious or it could be my odd breathing that was two times faster than everyone else in the room. She figured it out anyways.
"What happened, Athena?" She asked me in a soft whisper, respecting my privacy more than my body did with its extremely apparent and irregular reactions.
"I-I...." My struggle to form a proper sentence did remain just a struggle.
"What happened? Tell me. I am here," She said, gently taking me to the corner with her away from everyone's eyes except for those sea-blue orbs that still looked right through my soul; All I could see in them was hesitation and guilt.
"Georgia...." My eyes constantly took a glance at him, I was restless, calm was the last thing near me and my heart was beating faster than it did in the past six months.
I could end up losing this battle anytime soon and break down in a way that might take another half an hour to rebuild—And that's what I feared. I had experienced people taking advantage of my trust, my vulnerability and my eyes that only tried to see the good in people whereas all there was the ink that ended up ruining my ability to see the light forever.
"Is there someone who's making you feel uncomfortable?" She asked, blurting out the same words I failed to utter.
Judging by the given occurrences, I should have had no reason to not agree with her.
But what I did was the complete opposite.
I shook my head and let out a nervous laugh to hide my discomfort that was unmistakable, having no idea why I did that and what I got by hiding the truth that itself did not want to remain hidden and show up on my face and through body language.
"I'm Just feeling suffocated amidst all these people, it's no one particular in this case— Being among the crowd makes me feel uncomfortable."
"Are you sure there's nothing else?"Georgia asked, sounding doubtful about my reasons that had no relation to reality but she didn't have to know that.
"Yes, I am sure," I flashed her a forced smile, "Don't worry."
"The event is far from over, would you like me to tell Isaac to drop you home?" Her voice was soft; The concern spoke through it.
"No, it's totally okay. I can make my home by myself, there's no reason to bother," I said, rather a bit quicker than she seemed to be expecting.
"But, Athena...."
"Don't worry, Georgia. I am totally fine," I quickly gave her a hug, "I'll head home and please manage everything, I have already given the list of items to Sam. Just check on it before handing them to the volunteers and the special snacks for the kids are to be handed to them by us. I hope that's not a lot of work?"
"I'll take care of it, You go home and take a rest."
Her assurance was enough for me to head out of the venue. Bidding her goodbye, I partially rushed out of that place without daring to spare another glance in the direction of the devil.
I was in denial— Deep denial.
My body's attempt to digest reality was getting seized every time by the abrupt beating of my heart. My veins were getting crushed beneath the weight of my shattered dreams that stood in front of me today, besides the storm under the disguise named Sebastian Valdez.
He brought everything back with just a click of his fingers.
He pushed me inside the same turmoil I'd thought I successfully escaped but no. It was all my assumption I'd considered true when the reality was far from it.
Barely gathering together, I took a cab, finding it hard to trust my legs anymore. And soon the familiar cold poured all over me, threatening to drag me back to the deepest corner of my mind— The night when I lost the last hope of mine— My child.
The memories were now fresh and alive.....once again.