Sebastian
"Sir, you have received an invitation from 'Children And Youth association," My assistant Emma, handed me an envelope, "They sincerely expect your presence at the event they are hosting on the fifth of this month."
"Where is the event going to be held again?"
"The small town–Rye, near the coast of East Sussex."
I opened the envelope, reading thoroughly.
"Oh, so this is the NGO we donated to last month," Recognition drew upon me, as I read the letter, "They are new, right?"
"Yes, sir. They started new, and on the fifth of this month, it'd be one year. So they invited you to the celebration— Primarily, There are going to be the children from the orphanages they have helped grow and burn victims from the—Burn Survivor Association."
"That's great, I shall attend the event," I said, pushing the envelope aside, "Tell Aaron that he'd be joining me."
"Sir, Mr Aaron is out of town for a meeting with our client. He might not be able to return before this event since there are only two days left."
"The meeting was supposed to be held a week ago, wasn't it?"
"Actually it was but we needed to postpone since sir was busy."
"Oh, okay."
This was no surprise— Lately, Aaron has been neglecting his duties. A lot indeed. So, the closest assumption I could reach was that he was dealing with something personal, and that was exactly how it all seemed if his strange behaviour is taken into consideration.
However, I guessed that was none of my business so I hadn't bothered to interfere. Thought I couldn't guarantee if this kept going I would be able to help myself from interfering.
He could have his personal boundaries but he'd always been my friend and fulfilled all his duties even in the toughest times. So certainly his sudden negligence concerned me, and I did hope that he was not stuck in some sort of problem he did not want me to know.
"Is there something else you want to inform me about, Emma?" I asked when I eventually noticed Emma still standing in front of my desk; Her expression indeed said that she had something to say.
"Well...Sir, The association is actually run by the locals and mostly by their regular donations but nowadays they are getting into the limelight because of the frequent charity events they assemble at different cities, and they are growing big," She began, already giving me a hint of where she was heading with this conversation, "It'd be very profitable for us, and remarkably beneficial for your reputation in the business industry if we get media attention to this—"
"I don't make donations for business, Emma. The charity doesn't help people for business and I am not helping them for business as well," I cut her off, "I get it— It can be a very smart business and an immaculate way to expand my influence, but I don't it'll fit my ethics. Many smart businessmen might take on this trope, but I am not one of them. What I do is for the sake of my own peace. So please don't mention this ever again."
"Okay sir, I understand." She politely nodded, respecting my choice as she did not push it any further.
"Thank you, you may leave now."
*****
It was empty. Totally and utterly empty.
My home— It had nothing except for deadly silence, with obedient workers all around, doing their jobs with their mouths shut like they always had.
Was it even a home? Perhaps, not.
Nothing truly changed except for me and the fear of me people had in their minds. I was lonely just as before. I wasn't the same but the situations were identical— Alone, void from within, and silently suffering in my distress.
Sometimes I wondered what a day like today could look like if I hadn't pushed away the other half of my soul that day. If instead of hurting and shattering her apart, I would have hugged her and kissed her pain away, would I be here all alone and lonely regretting every one of the mistakes I made?
No, I wouldn't. There would have been here, beside me, in my arms with her head nestling under my chin and soft heartbeats beating matching my pace of mine. There would have been a little soul, growing inside her and our eagerness burning in our minds just to meet our baby.
My Athena would have been here with me. My Athena.
The reality hurts. More than anyone could ever imagine— It tore me apart from within every day and my own deeds I had done in the past gave me a good hand in that job. Moreover, those memories of the past were no less than venomous daggers that bestow death with barely damaging the victim at all— Just a mere cut; Yes, just a mere cut was all they needed to insert their venom in the blood that ran in your veins.
But here they were stabbing me. They were stabbing me every day, every moment, every fucking time I breathe because morning, noon and night— Only one person lived in my heart— Athena.
She breathed in my mind, smiled in my dreams and wept in my nightmares— She was there, everywhere I went. Despite not being here, she still wasn't far away.
Her memories thumped in my chest, her eyes were always looking back at me instead of mine, every time I looked at myself in the mirror. Perhaps, she did not know but she was always here to remind me of what a monster I was, what were my sins that I could never ever wipe off and what had I done to her.
I wished I could turn back time because....
How do you erase so much black? How do you fix your past and mend the things you have broken with your own hands not knowing that day they'd be the ones you'd need the most?
I loved her.....
I fucking burned for her just the way she once did for me. She had the power to reverse everything— Her touch turned the coal into a gem— Her touch....her magical touch that fixed demons and turned the world for a better place. Even angels would fail to match the light she carried in her heart; Her eyes that hold mysteries of the ocean and her smile that could make the entire nature dwindle to the curve of her lips.
She was an angel sent to the hell of a devil like me who discovered the depth of my soul and embraced all of my flaws.
Loved me, disregarding the fact I did not do anything to deserve her.
Even before she left after, trying with the last drop of her strength to survive until she couldn't take the pain anymore—She still took my worst away even though it damaged her, and left marks on her that'd remain engraved on her beautiful skin till the end of time and ruined her pure soul and turned it to ashes— She stayed until she couldn't, until her body and soul that I had tarnished couldn't keep up with the fight.
How could I do that to her? How could I hurt my mate?
All she wanted was love....
She wanted to fix me. Turn the dream of a beautiful life into reality. Her intentions were innocent, and her dream was lovely but what did I give her except for nightmares?
I had none but myself to blame. This pain and loneliness with burdening and destructive regret was my lifetime companion till the day I'd die.
Deep down, I wished that death would come sooner.
There was no space for me to complain— God indeed gave me a chance to live but I blew it all away. I decided to cower away from the blessing like a weakling and held onto the curse that only made me act on my fears.
Alas! If I had let the curse go when I needed to!
If only I had let go of that burden and held my Athena in my arms and never let her go.
But now I had no choice but to regret it.
That's all I could do besides desperately trying to wipe off the black I left behind with my footsteps and print them with the white of white deeds.
Would the white be able to eliminate the darkness of the black? Would one lifetime be enough to make up for my sins?
I had no answers.
But even if I manage to cover up the dark on most parts and bring the light in, there'd always be a part that'd be left uncovered and that's the only space that stands out the most— The part where resided the sins I have written with my hands every time I ruined Athena. Every time I shattered a piece of her. Every time I gave her a burden of a nightmare as a memory of eternity.
And lastly....when I failed to save my family. My home.