My signature smile never left my face when I was talking to my mum.
She had not stopped the habit of being worried over little things when it came to me so I tried my best to hide my discomfort from her even though sometimes she could see through my smile. I only wish she will be oblivious just this once, just like she was before when I experienced the worst thing a girl could.
I covered her hands which were still on the wheel and pecked her cheek.
"I love you mum. Don't worry I am fine didn't my therapist tell you that. I am OK. Trust me."
"I love you too my princess. You will be fine." She smiled.
"I love you mum!"
I could never get tired of saying that I loved my mum and she never got tired of telling me that she loved me too.
My mum relaxed a little after peck, her shoulders loosening up and she no longer looked so tensed.
We talked about random stuffs like my school project and her own project with the company's north Korea investors. She asked about my friend Zara and my favorite lecturer Mr Leonardo. She knew a lot about me except who I was now.
We even talked about my step dad and baby sister Chidinma.
We laughed like nothing terrible had ever happened before in the past, like we had never once suffered.
After much talking and laughing we fell into a comfortable silence leaving each other to her own thoughts. Mine was basically of wine I wanted to get drunk I wondered what my mum was thinking of, did she want to get drunk too? No definitely not. My mum was still so prim and proper. She must either be thinking of work or maybe soon to be step father.
We were entering the school now and I really wanted to sleep. And also to change from the horrible clothes I was wearing. I didn't have much time to pick something good to wear since we were kind of in a hurry when we were coming.
By we I mean my mum, she had a business appointment to catch up to after she drops me yet she stubbornly insisted that she takes me to school. I couldn't fight with her anymore, when she started to play the mother card I just gave up.
"Mum you know my Lodge is outside school right?" I asked as I was greeted by the gateman who threw a salute at my mum and me. My mum threw a thousand naira crisp note to him and he jumped in excitement hailing my her.
I rolled my eyes at his display or rather drama. The big gates where opened and we were greeted by Paradise.
At the left side of the road was a garden and the right a hill. My mum kept her gaze on the road and I averted my eyes from the site before me to look at my mum
"I know I just want to show you the place where you would stay alright. So if you like it then I can move your things over but if you don't then we change plans its all up to you dear."
"Well the only thing that is making me contemplate this negatively is that I don't want to lose my freedom."
"You never liked going out either ways, Mira, you always stayed at home avoiding boys and the world__"
"Well..." I tried to say something. But my mum did have a point. The Mira she knew didn't like going out to party and drinking and she didn't have many friends and she hated boys
"Do you have a boyfriend?" my mum asked nonchalantly, trying to hide the curiosity in her voice.
"Of course not" I answered almost immediately "I don't have a boyfriend you know me mum always the good girl" I lied, smiling.
There is no truth only the most genuine lie.
"Always the good girl my princess." She smiled back, rolling her eyes. "You still need to get a boyfriend you know. I think its high time you forget about him and move..." Her voice trail off.
"I will..." I whine wrinkling my nose. "I will I say again." I didn't want to tell her about the new guy because I wasn't even sure of him myself. I didn't trust him, I didn't think we could last. I didn't even feel connected to him in anyway. To me he was just filling up a void, a space that society needed to be filled up and I felt that he didn't feel the connection too.
We were both using each other for our different reasons.
She dropped the topic immediately knowing that it was not a good one.
"Common I am a big girl already mum. I would be 19 soon remember?" I said playfully hitting her shoulder
"So are you ok with staying in the chaplaincy?" my mum asks after a whole minute. There is still nervousness in her voice and I want to wash it off.
"Sure mum a change is always accepted, so is a challenge" I say smirking. "Your princess is now the queen, not a Queen, the queen, and she can handle anything. Trust me I will be fine."
I didn't want to tell her that I was learning just now to fight. If i did she would figure out that the memory of the things that had happened still lingered somewhere in my mind refusing to washed away. Not even a godlike therapist could wash away the memory of white lion.