Sebastian
Her face turned blue, her veins began to collapse underneath my hold, from her struggles to breathe to not being able to breathe at all— It gave me an intense amount of satisfaction to see this deceptive woman slowly falling into the arms of death. I was not sure if I actually wanted her dead, but my mind wasn't really in the state to decide between what was wrong or right.
I have killed enough in my life, one more death wouldn't add anything to the sins I have already gathered.
But leaving her alive would make a difference.
Was I willing to spare her life? Was making a difference anyway near my intentions?
What was my intention anyway? What would her death get me?
My hold around her neck began to lose on its own, giving her scopes to breathe and something flicked in her orbs. Perhaps, it could be her hopes to live rising to the surface again as her collapsing began to get a taste of air once again.
However, as my intentions began falling weak as well as my urge for vengeance started fading away into nothingness, she decided to speak.
"Alpha...please let me go."
Her voice hit my eardrums and made the prior rage stir awake once again.
"Shut the fuck up, you fucking shady woman," This time I grabbed her throat under a bone-crushing grip, making sure to seize all the ways of the blood to flow to her brain and prevent even the tiniest particles of oxygen from reaching her damn lungs, "After all the favours I did on you, this is what you do? Hide the truth from me so that my mate, carrying my child in her womb, left me without me having the slightest idea of the damn truth?!"
I wanted her dead, and at the same time, I was searching if deep down there was any valid reason for me to actually snatch life out of her body.
If judged by the sense of wrong or right that I had once forgotten in a way of finding a way to live in the world that only offered me its dark side, she had done the right thing by letting my mate escape from my cage.
I was the only reason behind her miseries.
And all this woman did was to help her out of the hell I created for my own mate. She was not wrong for saving her from a monster like me.
Why would Athena even want a person like me who had said by himself that he wanted his child to be just like the devil he was?
I would have destroyed our kid's life just like I destroyed my mate's and my own.
"It's not my fault," Sarah croaked out, her face turning pale blue due to the lack of air supply through her body that somehow held onto her life, "She did not want you to know."
'She did not want you to know'— Her words rang in my head a couple of times, in an endless loop.
Guilt and regret crawled up my insides like deadly venomous spiders, the weight on my chest increased and my own deeds flashed in front of my eyes once again.
She did not want me to know.....
About our child...
Why was reality so hard to digest?
Unknowingly, my hand let go of Sarah's throat and she dropped to the floor, coughing as she greedily took air as a fish pulled out of the sea. She looked absolutely terrified even though this was the least amount of terror I had ever put anyone through.
A sharp pain stabbed in my heart— How Athena might have felt when I gave her near-death experiences every night! What she must have gone through!
Maybe she did the right thing by not letting me know about the child.
I turned around and attempted to walk away when Sarah spoke again.
"She feared that you'd treat her child the same way your father treated you."
I froze on the spot. Suddenly my own body betrayed me as it fall victim to the unwillingness to move.
My legs felt as though they were made of ice and they'd give up right there, but not move an inch.
"I know you have done a lot of favors for me, Alpha. I know that I would have been dead long ago if you hadn't purchased me and given me this new life and I would forever be grateful to you till my last breath," She began, "But it would have been wrong if I didn't help her. She was dying, every hour and each second she spent in this house was nothing but a cage for her. She did not deserve any of the things you put her through, you snatched everything away from her, she was somehow staying alive because of the hope that one day you'd love her the way she loved you but you snatched that hope away from her too."
"I am willing to prove my loyalty for the rest of my life, but I couldn't just do it on the stake of her life and the last chance she got that'd help her live once again." Her winch interrupted the sentence, telling me that she'd somehow gathered herself to stand up on her feet, "That child growing in her womb has become the only thing that gave her a ray of light in the darkness you gradually pushed her into. She wants to live, without having to go through hell every second, she deserves this chance."
I did not know what she was trying to convince me or what her intention was but if there was anything her words were doing, it was to make me realise my mistakes even more.
Yes, she deserved the chance. She deserved so much better than what I had offered.
Hell, what have I even offered to her except for pain and hatred? Nothing. Literally nothing.
"She fought hard, I have seen her trying with the last drop of her strength to fix you. There was a weird ache that was always visible in her eyes, I don't know if you noticed it or not, but she was hurting....so bad. After all, all she wanted was to be loved the way.....she loved you."
Why did she have to love a man like me? Why did the moon goddess curse an angel like her with a fucked up, sadist like me?
"I have seen her fighting for you, I have seen her trying to overlook every unjust done to her from your side, I have seen her trying with all of her to not develop the opposite of love because of your treatments towards her," She continued, "She might have many flaws, she might not be whole on her own, but she didn't leave any extent to cross to make you whole again."
This time, I involuntarily turned around to look at her.
"She does not have any flaws. She is perfect, whole on her own." These words automatically left my mouth.
"I'm sorry, Alpha. But you didn't leave her that way," She spoke after a while, "None in this world can even assume the amount of pain she has gone through, not me, not you, perhaps not even the creator himself. But you see, when she was close to the point where she no longer saw the reason to live, she found out that she was pregnant and the child became a new reason for her to keep living. Her child is the only hope for her to live and I...just couldn't put my loyalty over her life that she never got a chance to live."
I was incapable of thinking thoroughly anymore.
The curse shielded my heart and conscience, and began to retract its dark and sharp claws on their own.
I knew what I had done wrong and what were the things that I had the chance to do right, but I was no way near even the merest assumption of if there was any door left for me that'd lead me to the way of fixing the mistakes I had made mistaking them as the best strategy to protect the coward, weak, miserable man that resided under my terrifying facade.
"Alpha, I beg you, please don't hurt her," She joined her hands in front of me, "If this child gets taken away from her, she would...die. She does not want her child to have the experiences she had, she wants to give them a beautiful life."
"And she thought of me as a man who'd put his child through the same torments that have made him a monster, didn't she?" I asked, aloud though there was a part of me that already knew the answer to it.
Hesitancy flashed in her eyes but she spoke up anyways, "That's not what she thought, that's what she saw.....and believed."
"She has never been the kind of woman to believe what her eyes saw, she always looked through every depth, every shadow and facade." This time my voice dropped low, so low that my own ears could barely hear it.
"But the things she went through, turned her to stone." She said, quietly, "She's not one to be blamed, is she?"
I fell silent just like the silence that shrouded my heart and soul.
I was the one. Yes, I was the main culprit.
And I did not deserve to even see the sight of my child or one last glance at her face until the day I die until the sun lights up the sky in the night until the moon becomes the reason for the day until my body melts into the earth and my soul vanishes into the winds.
"No, she is not." It eventually left my mouth and without sparing one last second, I turned around and headed up the stairs.