DON’T LET GO
“I can hug you, can’t I?”
Kai’s soft voice enveloped my ears as he carefully wrapped his arms around me.
I smiled weakly as I looked up at him. He’s looking at me with eyes so serious and caring at the same time. I couldn’t look away.
I bit my lip and slowly nodded. It’s too hard to not want this hug. I’ve always wanted this hug. I’ve lived to be hug by him like this. How could I stop him from fulfilling my dream?
He smiled and sighed in relief as he pulled me closer—my face towards his chest—kissing my forehead before leaning his chin on top of my head.
I missed the old times because it feels like the old times once more. His touch makes me want to go back to the past and make everything right. If I could’ve done it more cautiously, then, things may have been different.
Times like this, I couldn’t help but think of the wrong decisions I made. I couldn’t help but think of how things could’ve been if I wasn’t so scared enough to leave.
Would Kai and I have the happy ending we wanted?
Or could we have still separated ways like what we are now?
“Tell me your thoughts, Eunique,” he whispered, making me look at him. His brows are creased as he stared back at my eyes.
I smiled. “What ifs,” I replied.
He hugged me tighter and kissed my hair. “What if?” he echoed.
I took a deep breath. “What if I didn’t leave? What if I stayed? What if…” I stopped and stared at his dark brown eyes. “What if…I told you…my plans?” It was so hard for me to finish the last sentence because it brings back so many hurtful and sad memories I don’t ever want to relive again.
He pursed his lips in a thin line and stared at me. Now, it’s my turn to ask of what he’s thinking.
“What are you thinking?”
He lets out a violent breath. “You. Me. Us,” he replied. “I don’t want you to think of what could have been or what might have been.” He planted a kiss on my forehead and I could feel my tears brimming at the sides of my eyes. “I want you to think of what we are and what we will be.”
I softened at what he said. I’m just too thankful that I am not standing right now or I would’ve fallen straight to the ground.
He smiled weakly. “You should sleep now, Eunique. Just don’t stress yourself about anything,” he told me as he kissed my hair.
I nodded and buried my face in his chest. And for the first time in a long time, I’ve felt so relieved like the whole world was lifted up from my back.
Nothing makes everything so special other than the person who makes even the most awful thing seem bright…and probably, nothing beats waking up and seeing the face of the person you love the most first thing in the morning.
I could feel my day getting complete with Kai’s sleeping face in front of me right now.
“Good morning,” he purred with eyes closed.
My eyes widened. He’s awake?
“Good morning,” I replied in a soft voice, almost breathless.
He chuckled. “What are you doing after this?” he asked as I felt his hug tighten around my shoulders. Now, I’m wondering if I ever did move from this position. Isn’t his arm hurting right now?
I immediately sat up and bit my lip. Now, I’m acting all shy. Damn it.
He sat up and wrapped his arm around my waist. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly as he placed his chin on my shoulder.
It’s not helping that I could feel his cool, minty breath on my neck right now because I’m so close to shivering.
I shook my head and looked away.
Damn! My heart is beating incredibly fast. I don’t know how to slow the pace down.
“Hmmm?” he even moved closer to my face. “Did I do anything wrong?”
Now, he’s sounding really worried.
Yes. He’s done everything wrong. And what pains me is that I let it happen. I should’ve stopped him from being this close. I should’ve widened the gap. I should’ve widened the distance.
I let out a violent breath and shook my head. I wanted this to myself. I couldn’t put the blame all on him alone. If there’s someone to blame, it should be me—no one else but myself.
He held my cheek and made me face him. His eyes searched through me with worry and despair. “Please, Eunique. Tell me if I did something wrong,” he begged.
I bit my lip and looked down.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from leaving him before, I guess, it’s to not keep any secrets from each other. Honesty is one of the keys to a long-lasting relationship. And if I wanted him now, I should start being honest with him.
I took a deep breath to gather all the courage left in me. I looked at him and noticed his face anticipating for what I’m about to say.
“I feel like this is all too fast,” I started and I could see him purse his lips in a grim line. I swallowed and tried to brush his angry face off. “You’re still with Rachel Grey,” I told him. “And I know that you can’t break up with her that easily.”
His grip on my waist tightened. I could feel him getting tensed and even angrier.
“Eunique…” There was warning in the way he called me.
I bit my lip and shook my head. “I wish we could take this slower,” I spoke softly. “The girls told me about the status of your relationship with Rachel Grey. You can’t break up with her because it would put your company in jeopardy. I’m sorry for asking you to do that if you want to be with me. I didn’t realize how selfish my words were…”
He shook his head and placed an index finger on top of my lips. “No, honey. It’s true that it’s hard to break up with her but it’s harder if you’re not by my side.”
My heart almost melted with his words.
“I love you.”
It was all it took for me to tear up once again…and in broad daylight! Fuck!
He caressed my cheek and leaned closer. “I love you, alright. I’ll talk to my parents about this first. But I won’t let a lot of time pass until I get to be with you.” He connected out foreheads. “God knows how much I waited for this moment to happen. I won’t lose you again.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling down from my eyes. After everything that he’s shown me when I got back, I’ve never realized that he’s waiting for me to come back again. I’ve always thought he wanted me gone from his life. I’ve always thought that he wouldn’t take me back again.
But hearing him tell me how much he’d waited for me to be back to his life again, I don’t know how to think straight anymore.
Like I’ve always dreamed of, I want us. I still want us to happen. I still want us to be together for a very long time—even until the time when love’s the only thing that we know.
“Tell me about your thoughts all the time, Eunique. Don’t keep things to yourself ever again,” he spoke softly as he wiped the tears on my cheeks. “I’m about to go crazy thinking about you leaving me again. I can’t afford to lose you again. So, don’t leave me again.”
I swallowed the big lump in my throat. My heart constricts now that all the memories in the past come rushing through me once again. All the times that I spent away from him, all the pain and the regrets that I felt seem to be back to me right now again.
Thinking about it happening again makes me die inside. I don’t ever want to go through it again. I don’t want to feel that hell of a shithole again. I won’t ever make it…not again.
He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips that I didn’t expect. My eyes were wide as I watched him open his eyes slowly.
“I’m not going to say it’s easy. But I promise you that everything will be worth it,” he said, his voice almost cracking. “Stay with me, Eunique. Promise me you’ll stay with me no matter what happens.” He was so desperate.
I gulped and slowly nodded.
“I want to hear you say it,” he said as he brushed his thumb on my cheek. “Please say it for me, honey.”
I stared into his eyes and all I can see is his honest and serious intention. I couldn’t calculate all the feelings I am containing inside me right now. It’s as if my heart is going to explode soon enough. And the more words I would hear from him would not do me any help.
“Please, Eunique James… I want to hear you say you’ll stay with me.” He shut his eyes and leaned on my forehead.
He’s so frustrated and desperate at the same time. Even with his soft voice, I know that he’s feeling this way. He’s begging for me to tell him that I will be with him. But I don’t really need to say it anyway because I will be. I will always be by his side.
He brushed his thumb across my cheek. He’s still waiting for my words. He’s still waiting for me to tell him the words he wants to hear.
I smiled and gave a quick kiss on his lips.
He seemed to be taken aback as he looked at me with wide eyes.
I gave him the sweetest smile I could give. I love him and I will tell him about it over and over again.
“I will always stay with you, Kai,” I said in a calm and soft voice. I tried to hide how fast my heart is beating right now. I tried to hide every emotion building in my chest.
He almost laughed when he heard my words before offering me a deep and passionate kiss. His hand moved from my cheek to the back of my neck, pulling me closer to deepen the kiss.
I couldn’t help but think of how much I love him as we broke the kiss for a second.
“Don’t ever let me go again,” he whispered before owning my lips yet again.