PROHIBITED
Just when I was so sure of the choices I will make, unexpected things happen.
Mom’s in a critical condition. Different tubes and lines are connected to her as she lies on the hospital bed, looking so hopeless. The doctor said she experienced ischemic stroke, the one where a clot has clogged a blood vessel near the brain.
“The situation is under control, for now, Mr. James,” I heard the doctor tell Dad as we were watching out for Mom outside the Intensive Care Unit.
Dad nodded. “When is she going to wake up, doc?” he asked.
I bit my lip as I watched Mom inside that darned room, helpless and weak.
“I am not certain of that yet, Mr. James. Her condition is still critical. For now, her vital signs are all stable. She seemed to be responding to the treatment very well. But we can’t be so sure. We’re still going to place the client in close monitoring.”
Those were the last words I heard from the doctor before hearing Eujean’s break down. Out of all of us, Eujean was the closest to Mom. She’s also Mom’s favorite, that’s why.
I hate this forming feeling in my chest. My heart is constricting and it gets harder to breathe every moment. This is my entire fault.
I have never been good enough as a daughter—I’ve never realized this until now. Sure, I obeyed everything they told me to, even left the love of my life for them, but it will never be worth it. Everything I did will never be enough.
“You!” Eujean pointed her finger at me, mad and frustrated.
I bit my lip and decided to just let her vent out her anger at me. This is my fault, anyways. If I hadn’t yelled at mom, if I hadn’t been so stubborn, if only I had listened…nothing like this would happen.
I can just imagine Mom’s smiling face this morning. She’s happy when she knew I had a boyfriend. She’s so happy when Juneau came by.
I wanted her to be happy that way but it seemed to be all wrong. She’s being happy for all the wrong reasons, that’s why I felt the need to correct her. I don’t want her to be happy with fallacies. I want her to know the truth and learn to be happy for it.
“You are the sole reason why Mom is like this!” Eujean yelled at me.
Dad and Euben are holding her down but she’s yanking every hand that touches her. She’s wild because she’s hurt and mad.
Eurick and Euron walked to my side and tried to protect me from Eujean who’s raging right now. She looks like she can’t be tamed.
“Eujean!” Euron’s authoritative voice echoed the whole corridor. “Calm the fuck down!”
Eujean stopped but is still glaring at me. “You take her out of this place before I could kill that bitch!” she yelled back.
“Eujean!” Eurick yelled back. “How dare you call our sister a bitch?!” he hollered.
I can feel his grip on me tighten. I’ve never seen Eurick mad. He’s always happy and jolly. He never talks back, not even when he’s right. But right now, he’s mad. He just shouted. I couldn’t help but shiver at the impact of his voice.
Eujean glared at us. “She’s the reason why Mom is in coma right now. Because she’s a damn mistress! She thinks so high of herself when, in reality, she’s a fucking prosti—”
Eujean was cut when Dad’s palm landed on her cheek. “Don’t you dare call your sister like that!” he yelled at her with a warning tone.
Eujean looked at Dad with tears in her eyes. She’s mad and I can see her clenched fists.
“What, Dad? I’m right! She’s a bitch!”
“Don’t call her that!” Dad snapped and motioned to hit her again. “Nobody wanted this to happen! Your sister didn’t want this to happen!”
My heart warmed at the sound of my Dad’s voice. He’s yelling but I can feel his concern for me. But I think Eujean’s right. This is my fault. Mom’s in coma because of me, because I yelled at her.
“She didn’t respect Mom!”
“And you’re not respecting anyone now, Eujean!” Dad exclaimed. “Your sister didn’t insult you! Stop insulting her!”
Tears ran down my face as Eurick hugged me.
“Stop crying, Nique. Everything will be alright,” he whispered as he caressed my back. “It’s not your fault.” He cooed me.
Euron sighed and hugged me as well. “Everything’s gonna be alright,” he comforted me.
I sobbed even harder. I’m touched. But nothing’s going to be enough until Mom gets well. Nothing will stop me from thinking that this is all my fault, not until she wakes up and regain her strength once again.
“Euben, get your sister home.” Dad ordered. “Euron and Eurick, stay here and watch over your mother and Eujean.”
I looked at Dad. “Where are you going?” I asked.
He smiled weakly. “I’m just going to meet somebody,” he replied and turned to leave.
I didn’t know what happened next. When I was shaken back at my thoughts, I was already in my room with my phone ringing like hell. It’s Janice.
“Where are you? Did something happen?” she asked panicking on the other line.
“I’m good,” I replied weakly. I’m not good. I’m at my worst state right now and I feel like I’m the worst person that has ever lived.
“What happened? Are you crying?” she asked, worried.
I chuckled weakly. “No. I’m fine,” I lied once more. “I better go. I’m not feeling well. I want to sleep. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Wait, Eunique—”
I didn’t hear what she’s saying because I already ended the call. I appreciate everyone who is there to comfort me but I am better off alone right now. I need to rethink about all the decisions I will make in the future.
Just when I was so sure, I needed to revise the plan again.
My phone vibrated.
From: Kaisser Bennett
Honey, I heard what happened. Are you alright?
I gulped and bit my lip. How did he know? I’ve never told anyone about it. After a few seconds, my phone vibrated again.
From: Kaisser Bennett
Can I call? I want to make sure you’re fine.
I sighed and stared at his message. I miss him. I love him. But right now, I don’t know what to do. I want to be alone. I want to think things alone.
Without replying to his message, he still called.
I stared at his name on my lock screen as my phone rang incessantly. He called and called until I was so sick of my ringtone, I needed to put my phone on airplane mode.
I lied on my bed thinking of the consequences of the decisions I will make.
My decision to love Kai almost caused me my mother’s life. What more can it be when I’ve decided to be with him all throughout?
Was my mother’s health not enough? I don’t know.
I love Kai so much. I love him too much to let him go. I want to be with him every minute of the day, I don’t ever want to let him go.
But is it the wisest decision?
“Nique!” I heard Eurick call me behind my room door. “Nique! Someone’s downstairs! He’s looking for you!”
My eyes widened as I got up from bed. I immediately walked down without even bothering to look at myself in the mirror. I’m probably looking worse than a beggar. But I couldn’t care less.
I stopped moving when I saw Kai on the couch, with a bouquet of flower in his hand. He’s talking to my Dad with a serious expression.
Eurick and Euben are sitting beside Dad as they listened to whatever they are talking about.
Kai glanced at me in the middle of talking to my family, making my dad and my brothers turn to me. Kai stood up and immediately walked towards me.
“Are you alright?” he asked as he stared into my eyes.
For a moment, I felt so relieved. Seeing him in front of me relieves all the worries I have inside. This is when I realized that I need him. I need him to be okay. I need him to be fine.
I can’t let him go.
Can I just be selfish for this time? Can I think of myself first before thinking of others?
I smiled weakly as I stared at the flowers in his hand.
“Ah! For your mother, supposed to be,” he said as he handed me the bouquet. “I heard what happened.”
I felt like a huge warm hand is cupping my heart right now. He’s here. He’s willing—still willing—to fight for me, with me. I shouldn’t give up. I shouldn’t give him up. I shouldn’t give us up.
Kai placed the loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “You’re not thinking of giving me up, right?” he asked and suddenly I was guilty.
I looked down and bit my lip. I’m sorry for even thinking about it again.
I heard him sigh before giving me the hug I needed the most. “That’s prohibited, Eunique. You can’t leave me now. We can face this together so just hold on, alright?” And that’s when I felt better.