WHY
My jaw almost dropped when I heard what he told me. I wanted to ask for the reason behind all of these but no words could come out of my mouth. I’m dumbfounded, flabbergasted, baffled.
He opened the paper bag in front of me and placed the food on my desk. “Eat.” He urged as he placed the pizza near my face. Why is he doing this to me? Why is he feeding me?
I pursed my lips in a thin line and glared at him. “Where’s your girlfriend?” I asked him sharply.
He looked up at me and his jaw tensed. “Not here,” he replied but the pizza was still in the air.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Then, what are you doing here?” I asked again.
He pursed his lips before letting out a deep breath. “I don’t think I need to be everywhere she is,” he replied and was still persistent on feeding me the pizza.
I scoffed. “Yeah, right! When you were dating me, you’d want to be everywhere I go, everywhere I am.” I unconsciously blurted out.
His eyes widened a little as he bit his lip. It’s like he’s preventing a smile from creeping out of his lips. “Yes. Before. When I was dating you,” he replied. “She’s not you, though.”
My heart started to beat faster than normal once again. His last four words seemed to have poured warm water in my heart that it makes me soften.
I thought of the right words to reply but I couldn’t find some. My mind is clouded because I know that I love what he’s doing for me right now. I want to go back to when we were happy. I want to go back to when we were in love.
“Please eat, Eunique,” he said. “You look really thin.”
There was desperation in his voice that made me open my mouth, making him feed me that damned pizza. I hate that I would always succumb to what he wants. I hate that I would always give in to him no matter how many times I tell myself not to.
I want to be stronger. But how can I when I know that my strength and weakness are one?
He smiled weakly when he fed me the pizza. “Good girl.” He uttered as he fed me more. He wiped the corner of my lips with his thumb and my eyes widened in shock.
“I missed doing this.” He said as he fed me the last pieces of what he bought. I can’t believe I finished everything!
“Kai,” I trailed. “You don’t have to do this.” I shook my head while I looked into his eyes.
He gazed back at me with his intense stare. “I want to do this,” he replied.
I frowned at him. “But you have Rachel Grey!” I insisted. “This is wrong. You hate me, remember?” Oh, how can I push him away?
He held my face and brushed his thumb on my cheek. “I never told you that I hate you, Eunique. When have I told you that?” he asked.
My heart melted when I heard his soothing voice. My lips are trembling. “You said you don’t want to see me ever again.”
My heart breaks whenever I imagine his face as he told me those words.
He pursed his lips in a thin line. “I still didn’t say I hate you,” he replied as he stared at me with so much carefulness.
“But you don’t want to see me ever again,” I blurted. “You don’t want to see me ever again but you’re here, buying me pizza, feeding me, caressing my cheek. You’re here in front of me in flesh! I don’t know, Kai. I’m confused of your actions.”
He stared at me uttering me those words. He nodded and sighed. “Me, too, Eunique,” he told. “I’m confused of what I’m going to feel. I want you gone but I want to be with you right by the next minute. One second, I want you gone but I regret everything I said on the next.” His eyes twinkled when he said those words. “And I missed you. I miss you so much and it’s killing me more because I could only see you from afar every single damn time.”
I was lost for words when he finished his sentiment. One word from him and I already forgot all the principles I am keeping to myself. I’m trying so hard to build a wall between us only to find it crashing down the moment he tells me what’s on his mind.
“I thought it was hard when you left,” he smiled weakly. “But no. It’s harder when you’re around but I can’t even stay close to you.”
A small lump is forming in my throat. I swallowed hoping it would be gone, but it’s still there. And it’s making me tear up.
“I’m so afraid to get closer to you again because of the pain I went through. But I’m more scared of losing you because of my fear to open up again.”
Why is he doing this to me?
“What do I do to make you come back to me?” he asked. “Damn. What I’d give to make you come back to me,” he uttered as he leaned closer with eyes closed. “Is it too much to ask, honey? Am I asking for too much?”
I feel like a warm hand is caressing my heart right now. I’m overwhelmed. I’m too overwhelmed by the fact that he wants me back. Almost too overwhelmed.
He stared at me for a moment before planting a soft, longing kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes the moment I felt his lips on mine. I didn’t think anymore. I just kissed back.
“Break up with her first,” I told him when he broke the kiss. “Break up with her and be with me again.”
I know and I could remember the promise I told myself but how can I just close my door when he is knocking at it?
He bit his lip and looked into my eyes. “I wish it was that easy,” he said softly as he kissed my lips once more. “God! I wanna be with you!” he uttered in between the kisses.
Then just break up with her and be with me. I’ve told him what he has to do. I’ve opened the doors I was about to lock forever. All he needs to do is to leave her and come to me.
He closed his eyes as he connected our foreheads. Nobody dared to move. I was savoring every moment. I was cherishing this feeling once again.
Our moment was interrupted when his phone began to ring.
He stared at the screen before looking at me. I pursed my lips in a thin line because I know who’s calling him. It’s her. Rachel Grey.
“I’m sorry,” he uttered.
I saw him accept the call and I looked away. Damn it!
I had him first but why do I feel like I’m the other one? He loves and wants to be with me but why do I feel like I’m just the second choice?
I took a deep breath and didn’t speak.
“I’m not going there right now…” I heard him say. “Please, Rachel. I’m busy.” I heard his loud and heavy breath. “I’ll go there when I’m done. This is important.” He sighed again. “No. I’m with a very important person.”
His last statement made me look at him. He’s staring at me as he’s biting his lip.
I sighed and cleaned the mess of the pizza and the pinwheels on my table. I don’t want my members to suspect anything.
“I will try. Bye, Rachel…” he uttered after ending the call.
He turned to me with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about that call,” he told me as he tried to hold my face.
I looked away making him look at me with wide eyes.
“Eunique…” he trailed.
I looked away. I feel so stupid. Of course he could be doing these things because he despises me. He could be saying these things because he wanted revenge. And I’m falling for it every single damn time. I’m such a fool!
“Hey, honey, look at me.” His voice was so soft as he lifted my chin to make me look at him. “I will break up with her like you asked me to.” He’s extremely serious. “I will do so. I will do whatever you want. I will do whatever it takes to have you back again.”
His voice was full of desperation and determination.
“I want to be with you. Only you.”
I don’t really understand how it went from not seeing me again to only wanting to be with me again. Everything’s damn too confusing. Everything’s damn too fast.
“I hate seeing you with other men. I wanted to break every man’s face you talk to. But what right do I have? You’re not mine. I pushed you away and that’s what kills me every time.” He stared at me. “I pushed you to talk to other men. It was my damn fault that you’re talking to them.”
He’s frustrated. “You don’t know, Eunique. You have no idea what I am at now. I am at war with myself. I want you gone because seeing you makes me remember all the pain I went through when you left and it makes me crazy. But I’m too damn scared to lose you over my pride. I don’t want to lose you because of my cowardice. So, I’d rather hurt being with you than be sane without you…” he uttered as he caressed my cheek.
My eyes started to fill. My heart starts to beat faster and slower at the same time. My mind is getting clouded by the thoughts of having him by my side again. And yes, happiness fills me in after hearing him say these words.
No one can ever make me feel this happy other than him. It will always just be Kaisser Bennett.
“I’m jealous. I’m so fucking jealous of the men around you. I am jealous that they could be with you without sweat while me? I pushed you away and I had to face the damn consequences.” He uttered. “I want to be your only man, Eunique. I would be if you’d let me be.”
I wanted to smile and jump up and down because of the happiness I am feeling inside.
I want to hug him tight right here, right now. If only the door was locked.
Heina and my members got inside the office and I immediately pulled away from Kai. He looked at me, questioning and confused.
Sofia’s eyes widened when she saw Kai inside the office. “Mr. Bennett!” She scrambled on her seat and bowed. “Good afternoon!” She continued as rest followed.
Damn it! Were they able to see what happened?