(Day 34/122 of the experiment)
In the morning, I woke up with renewed strength and the desire to continue writing psychological letters and discussing them with Susan. Yesterday was definitely beneficial for me.
Text No. 11. My Smile
In general, I love to smile. When I see little children, the corners of my mouth naturally lift upwards. And the soul feels like it's overflowing when you smile sincerely. But I am terribly self-conscious about my smile. I don’t know why. My teeth are fine – thanks to braces; my lips, of course, are asymmetrical, but not too terrible either.
I remember that in childhood, I was always smiling! At school, when I played on the playground, at home watching cartoons. My grandmother always said that my smile brightens her life. But once, when I was in the fourth grade, my teacher scolded me very harshly for running during recess. And I stood there, looking her in the eyes and smiling – it was a kind of defensive reaction. And then she shouted to the whole class: "Bell, stop showing your teeth! Only fools smile for no reason!" And that's it. From that day on, my smile, like a fern flower, appears extremely rarely and only for a moment.
The end of the story.
No matter what you say, all our blocks come from childhood. After all, a child is a blank slate – a slate of naivety, sincerity, kindness, and curiosity. Unfortunately, adults kill all these good qualities. Because they do not understand the important role childhood plays and that it is precisely the childhood years that lay the foundation for a person's entire life.
I try to remember school extremely rarely. Because both Ksyusha – my friend who ultimately betrayed me, and the boys who didn’t pay attention to me, and the teachers for whom I was like a red rag for a bull.
I started working on my negative beliefs about my smile, appearance, and looks. I am trying to truly believe in my beauty and uniqueness.
(Day 35/122 of the experiment)
Still, sports and a healthy lifestyle greatly influence self-confidence. Earlier, I was shy about mirrors and constantly felt like everyone was staring at me – I felt so disgusting.
Now, I have no objection to looking at my reflection. Even my complexion has become lighter! And my well-being – that's a separate topic. I want to run and jump; I feel light and weightless, like a butterfly.
Text No. 12. My Shoe Size
As my grandmother says, “You were born with a size 36 foot!” In childhood, I loved to walk on my toes – I imagined myself as a ballerina on stage. I don’t know if it influenced me, but by third grade, my foot was noticeably larger than my peers'.
By the time I reached 11th grade, I was already wearing size 40 shoes. And when I graduated from school, I was buying shoes in stores in size 41.5-42. I always felt embarrassed about my feet. It seemed to me that every step I took was accompanied by a loud “thud” – just like in gladiator movies.
Regarding dancing, my foot size played no small part. I had always dreamed of dancing! I thought about ballroom dancing and even called dance schools to find out prices and class schedules. But it didn't go any further because I was worried that my feet would look bigger than my partner's.
Now I don’t dream of dancing – I have enough of the rare Friday night parties in clubs, but my shyness regarding my feet hasn't gone away. That’s why I almost never wear heels – I feel it looks unattractive.
The end of the story.
During the discussion of my text about shoe size, Susan entertained me with stories of famous women whose feet are also far from miniature. It turns out that the German supermodel Claudia Schiffer buys shoes in size 43! 43 is even bigger than mine! And Monica Bellucci has a "foot" size of 44. Not every man can boast of that!
I became curious, and after talking to a psychologist, I found an article online about celebrities who not only are not ashamed of their big feet but are also proud of them. Life became much better. Plus, Sveta kindly shared the contacts of two workshops that tailor shoes to your measurements. And she has already ordered a pair of high-heeled shoes and low-heeled sandals for herself.