(Day 28/122 of the experiment)
Following Svetlana's advice, I bought myself a new dress today. And I want to say “thank you” to my new lifestyle. My thighs have become less round and more toned, my waist has narrowed by three to four centimeters, and my breasts seem to have gotten bigger! After the store, I rushed to the gym and gifted Max a chocolate bar (gluten-free!) as a token of gratitude for my new body. And it’s only been a month! This is what a comprehensive approach means.
Now I’m going to wear dresses and fitted clothes more often. Damn, I'm a sexy kitty! So beautiful, such a young woman! I stand in front of the mirror and can't believe that this young woman is me. Those bags under my eyes, which had been living on my face during the “beer-pizza-sushi-wine” phase, seem to have vanished. My gaze appears somehow lighter – there’s none of that burden. If anything, these are my genuine emotions, not a new assignment from a psychologist.
Inspired by the results, I started writing the next text.
Text No. 6. Why I think my friends will betray me sooner or later
Friendship is such a complicated thing. It seems to me that it's even more complex than romantic relationships. Because when you are in love, all the flaws of the object of your affection seem like charming quirks. "He snores loudly? How cute! He throws dirty socks all over the house? That's so interesting – it looks like an art installation! He doesn't answer the phone when you call but returns your call late in the evening? Poor guy – so busy at work! I should probably order groceries for him at home; he probably has no time to eat." This whole hormone game clouds your eyes, and you can't perceive the person objectively.
It’s a different matter when you’re building friendships. The hormones aren’t raging, and you really see all the bad qualities, harmful habits, and flaws of the person. It depends only on you – to reconcile with them or to stop communicating.
In my life, there was one true friend – Ksyusha. We were neighbors and started communicating when we were both three years old. Often, my grandmother would take us to kindergarten, and Ksyusha's mom would pick her up after work in the evening. We were together all day long! We had breakfast at our place or at hers, played together in kindergarten, then went to school and music school together. We did homework together and gossiped about boys.
And then Ksyusha fell in love with our mutual friend – he also attended music school – and forbade him to talk to me. I swallowed that at the time. At 14, you are ready to justify any action of a dear person. And I even tried to maintain our friendship with Ksenia. But then she came to my house while I was alone and staged a real scandal. She started shouting at me and accusing me of the music teacher praising me instead of her, while Misha (that unfortunate boy) said I was indeed doing great.
After that quarrel, I left the music school and asked my grandmother to transfer me to another class. That was the most painful betrayal of my life. Betrayal by someone who knew everything about me.
That was the friendship I had in my life. End of story.
I spent the rest of the evening in tears. Instead of the usual 30-minute session, Svetlana and I talked for two hours. I remembered Ksyusha, our long conversations about school, parents, boys, clothes, fashion, about everything in the world. And I felt like that little Cinderella again, that girl who was completely alone in a huge, unjust world.
(Day 29/122 of the experiment)
Yesterday, I received a new task from the psychologist – to gradually learn to trust people. So today, besides training, preparing dinner, writing a text, and a session with Susan, I also planned to host guests. More precisely, a guest. I invited Lily over for my signature Italian pasta with Ukrainian bacon.
Text #7. My sister.
Sofi Vortnik. My sister. A person who has been by my side since my birth. Sofi is four years older than me. And she has always seemed so perfect and unattainable to me. Her friends were cooler than mine, her boyfriends were more handsome and smarter than mine, her appearance was always flawless, and she was for me – is and will be – an idol.
Unfortunately, I can't say that we ever had a strong relationship. We always stood parallel on the pedestal. Sofi – above, me – below.
There was a period in our lives when we were almost friends. This happened when Sofi's boyfriend left her, and her friend Olga moved to another city, ending their communication. That was when I was not even a friend, more like free ears for Sofi, who was suffering and broken.
When I had some issues, my sister would always say, “Oh, come on! It’s all such trifles! Look at me…” and the conversation would smoothly flow into a monologue, “Sofi is good, everyone else is bad.”
After her second year of university, my sister married her professor. Of course, Yura stopped teaching and ventured into business. Now he has a successful construction company that does renovations. They live in New York and are raising their son, Kyrylo.
I love Kyrylo very much, but the last time I saw him, he was just a small boy.
I don’t particularly communicate with my sister and, after the psychological practices, I understand that I have no strong desire to change our relationship. A person who has been focused solely on herself her whole life and has only spoken to me out of desperation is unlikely to ever become truly close.