“G USTO kitang tulungan pero hindi kita makita. Nasaan ka?”
“Narito ako... tulungan mo ako...”
Bumalikwas siya at naghabol ng hininga.
Oh, God! Ikinulong niya ang mukha sa mga palad. Bakit paulit-ulit ang mga panaginip? Ang tinig na nagmamakaawang tulungan niya ay halos hindi na niya marinig ngayon. Tila nawawalan na iyon ng lakas. Ang kadiliman. Ang mga batuhan. Ang dagat.
Ano ang ibig sabihin ng mga iyon? Sino ang babaeng humihingi ng tulong? Nasaan ito? Tears of hopelessness and bewilderment burned in her eyes. Binabagabag siya ng mga panaginip na iyon may tatlong buwan na ang nakalipas.
She looked around her. It was pitch dark. Ilang sandali muna niyang sinanay ang mga mata sa dilim bago naaninag ang kapirasong silid. Ibinabalik niya sa normal ang paghinga at pagkatapos ay kinapa niya ang relo sa ibabaw ng bedside table.
It was almost three o’clock in the morning.
Natitiyak niyang hindi na siya makakatulog. Tumayo siya at binuhay ang ilaw sa silid at nagtuloy sa labas at binuhay rin ang ilaw roon. Naroon pa rin ang easel niya at nakatayo. Ipinasya niyang lagyan iyon ng panibagong canvas.
Ilang sandali pa’y nagsisimula nang gumalaw ang mga kamay niya para sa panimulang pagpinta. She would paint the place she saw in her dreams. Hindi niya natitiyak kung kayang iguhit iyon mula sa kanyang panaginip pero susubukan niya.
IT STARTED to drizzle when Adrian parked his four-wheel drive behind Michelle’s X-Trail. Nagmadaling binuksan ni Catherine ang pinto at tumakbo patungo sa cottage.
“Slow down, honey,” tawag niya rito.
Subalit ni hindi siya nito nilingon. He shook his head and focused his eyes on the X-Trail’s plate number. Inilista niya sa cellphone ang plate number ng kotse at pagkatapos ay ipinadala sa numerong iniwan ng imbestigador na kausap niya kaninang umaga.
Kung tama si Virgilio at anak nito si Michelle, mababawasan kahit paano ang kapighatiang dinadala nito sa kasalukuyan. And maybe Virgilio was right. Coincidences didn’t happen. Maaaring alam ni Michelle ang katotohanan tungkol kina Harriet at Virgilio.
Ibinalik niya sa bulsa ang cellphone at sinundan si Catherine. Inabutan niya ito sa mismong paanan ng hagdan.
“I knocked, Daddy,” ani Catherine na tumingala sa ama, nagsasalubong ang mumunting kilay. “Tinatawag ko siya, pero hindi sumasagot.”
He frowned. Alas-diyes y medya na sa relo niya. He knocked on the door. Once. Twice. Sa ikatlong katok ay nilakasan at hinabaan niya. Then he heard footfalls. Pagkatapos ay ang pagtatanggal ng lock sa pinto. Bumukas iyon at bumungad si Michelle na pupungas-pungas pa.
“Ano’ng— Oh, my!”
Malamang na nagising niya ito. Nakasuot pa ito ng cotton pajamas na may mga maliliit na bulaklak. She was barefoot, too. May mga hibla ng kulot nitong buhok ang kumawala mula sa maluwag na pagkakatali nito sa likod at nakasabog sa mukha. Namumula ang kanang bahagi ng pisngi na malamang ay iyon ang nadikit sa kung saan man ito nahimbing.
There were paints on her chin that could only mean she had been painting through the night. The dark circles in her eyes that had been there since they’d met at the hotel had gone a shade darker.
“Good morning,” he said huskily, surprised that the sight of her, tousled corkscrew hair, with paint on her face, made him hard. She looked so adorable that he wanted to climb up the three steps and take her in his arms and plant a kiss on her lush mouth. Only the presence of his daughter had stopped his urges.
“Hello, Miss Michelle...” nakangiting bati ni Catherine.
“H-hi...” she croaked and managed a smile. Nalilitong nilinga nito ang loob ng cottage at pagkatapos ay pinaglipat-lipat sa kanilang dalawa ang paningin. Tumaas ang kamay nito at self-consciously, hinawi ang mga nakasabog na buhok patalikod.
“I... I overslept. Diyan lang kayo! I won’t take a minute.” Nagmadali itong pumasok sa loob at ilang sandali pa’y naririnig na ni Adrian ang lagaslas ng tubig sa banyo.
“Okay, Miss Catherine,” ani Adrian sa anak, “go and wait for us in the truck. Don’t run, the pavement’s wet and you might trip.”
“Okay, Daddy.”
Balak niyang maupo na lang muna sa nakapaikot na kawayang upuan sa balkon nang masulyapan niya ang easel sa itaas. Pumanhik siya at tinungo iyon. Nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya nang matitigan ang sinimulang ipinta ni Michelle. Hindi pa iyon tapos. The paints on the canvas were still wet but the subject looked familiar. He just couldn’t place it at once.
Awtomatiko ang paglingon niya nang marinig ang pagbukas ng pinto ng banyo. She took a fast shower. Michelle emerged from the bathroom door with towel wrapped around her slender body. Nang matanawan siya nito ay napahinto ito sa paghakbang at hindi malaman kung babalik sa loob ng banyo o tatakbuhin ang papasok sa silid. Hindi marahil nito inaasahang pumanhik siya. Her hands clutched on the towel firmly like a maiden aunt, securing her breasts.
Slim women weren’t his type. And he was a sucker for big boobs and wide hips. Michelle was neither. She was on the tall side, probably a little over five-five. The towel that wrapped her model-thin body didn’t hide the soft curves which were located in all the right places.
For someone who admitted having sexual relationship with her ex-boyfriend she acted like a prudish virgin. Brazenly, tinitigan niya ang mukha nito at pagkatapos ay bumaba iyon sa may bahagi ng dibdib, sa ibabaw ng nakapulupot na tuwalya. Water was dripping from her hair to her face and down to her chest. The thought of drying her with his tongue came to mind. He groaned inwardly and turned.
“Take your time,” he said, his back on her and pretended to study the painting. Hindi ito kumibo pero narinig niya ang pagbukas at pagsara ng pinto ng silid nito.
Adrian could have kicked himself. Kung hindi siya tumalikod ay baka napuna nito ang paninikip ng cutoffs niya. Last night was understandable. But how could you explain a hard-on just by staring at her?
That you couldn’t contain your lust for her. At iyon naman ang totoo.
He muttered an oath silently. He hadn’t had sex since Beverly. And that was more than a year ago. So months worth of pent-up lust rushed at him like a freight train.
Sa ibang babae, it was easy for him to turn his urge off. Norien for one. Kulang na lang ay dalhin ito ng ina sa silid niya. And though Norien had been submissive at first and would just willingly go along with her mother, he wasn’t just interested. Kay Norien man o kahit na sinong babaeng halos ipangalandakan na ang sarili sa kanya. Whether the sex was casual or permanent.
He realized just now that he didn’t want to turn his lust off when it came to Michelle. Thinking about the gentle swell of her breasts in those virginal pajama tops covered with little flowers made him real hard. Not that tailored pajamas on a woman appealed to him. He preferred his women in nothing at all. Despite the ex-boyfriend, or ex-boyfriends, for that matter, Michelle looked virginal for his tastes.
And shit... double shit. He wanted her more than his next breaths.
Hold it there, my boy, what if she was really Virgilio’s daughter? Well, saka na muna iisipin ni Adrian ang bagay na iyon.
“THANK you,” ani Michelle nang iabot ni Catie dito ang cellphone at binoculars. “Alam kong nakalimutan ko iyan kagabi sa bahay ni Mr. de Alegre.”
“`Di ba, Daddy, dinala ito ni Lolo Vir kagabi?”
“Mr. de Alegre did?” Nilingon siya nito. “Nakakahiya naman. Gabi na.”
Tumango si Adrian pero hindi lumingon dahil makitid ang daang dinadaanan nila at sa kabilang bahagi ay ang bangin patungo sa dagat. “May pinag-usapan din naman kaming mahalaga. Walang problema.”
“Saan tayo patungo?” Inilabas nito ang braso sa bintana ng sasakyan at hinayaang pumatak doon ang mahinang ambon.
Bago pa makasagot si Adrian ay nauna na si Catherine na nasa likuran nila. “Sa waterfall, Miss Michelle,” wika nito. “It’s on the other side of the mountain. Malimit kami ni Daddy doon.”
“Now I’m excited. Hindi pa ako nakakakita ng waterfall maliban sa television, sa magazines, at sa n et.”
“Really, Miss Michelle?”
“Really and truly. At sana’y hindi tuluyang umulan.”
“Let’s keep our fingers crossed. Dahil kung lalakas ang ulan ay malamang na mananatili tayo sa loob ng sasakyan. It’s a three-minute hike to the waterfall, sa madamo at mabatong daan,” Adrian said. “I hope you’re up to it.”
She smiled. “I believe I am healthy. I attended an aerobic class and a reg. Twice a week. Oh, well, not since...” Her voice trailed off.
“Since your parents died,” he finished for her.
Her smile vanished. Nagpakawala ito ng hininga at tumango.
“Nang mamatay ang mga magulang ko sa aksidente sa bus sa Virac ay taon ang binilang bago ko natanggap ang pagkawala nila. I was only nine then,” Adrian said.
“Napakahirap marahil para sa isang siyam na taong gulang ang mawalan ng mga magulang. Sino ang nagpalaki sa iyo?” she asked curiously.
“Mga katulong. At si Lolo Fred. He was Virgilio’s father. Kung hindi sa pasensiya at tiyaga niya sa akin ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang kinahinatnan ko. When my parents died, I didn’t want to go back to school. Dalawang taon akong nanatili sa bahay na walang ginagawa. Lolo Fred was my father’s best friend way back when. Sinikap niyang gampanan ang iniwan ng mga magulang ko...” He didn’t have any idea why he was telling her that part of his life.
“I missed my Lolo Virgilio, Miss Michelle,” ani Catherine sa likuran niya sa biglang seryosong tinig.
Nilingon niya ito at nginitian. “I know, sweetie. And hey, call me ‘Ate’ or just plain ‘Michelle.’ ‘Miss Michelle’ made me feel like teacher- ish .”
“I like to call you ‘Mom.’”
Natigilan si Michelle sa sinabi ng bata. Adrian glanced at her but she refused to meet his eyes. He could feel her unease.
“Wala akong mommy. `Tapos si Aunt Harriet hindi pa bumabalik,” dugtong ng bata, her voice quivered. “Iniwan niya ako, tulad ni Lolo Fred at ng... ng totoo kong mommy.”
“Honey,” said Adrian, sinulyapan ang anak sa rearview mirror. “You can call Michelle ‘tita’ or ‘aunt.’ Michelle’s too young to be your mom.”
“Tita Norien’s very young, too, but Lola Odette and Lola Celestina want me to call her ‘mommy.’”
Bagaman naiilang ay hindi maiwasan ni Michelle na mapangiti. Hindi mapapasubalian ang logic ng bata.
Adrian was surprised. Alam niyang malimit pag-uusapan ng dalawang matatandang babae na mas mabuting sila ni Norien ang magkapangasawahan. At kung minsan kapag nasa bahay siya ng mga de Alegre ay naitatanong ni Lola Celetina kung kailan siya mag-aasawa. At kapag ganoon na ang usapan ay hindi na naiiwasang nababanggit si Norien.
Pero ang sabihin kay Catie na tawaging “mommy” si Norien ay ngayon lang niya narinig.
“Then why didn’t you?” he asked his child curiously.
Naningkit ang mga mata ng bata. “I don’t like Lola Odette! She scares me and she’s not very nice.”
“Honey—”
“Basta!” Her foot stumped on the car floor stubbornly. “I wanna call Michelle ‘mommy.’
“Catherine!”
TUMAAS na ang tinig ni Adrian at natitiyak ni Michelle na ang susunod na sasabihin nito ay malamang na magpaiyak sa bata. Inabot niya ang braso ni Adrian at hinawakan bago pa nito madugtungan ang sinasabi. Heat shot up through her arm like wildfire. Their eyes locked for a brief moment before Adrian turned his eyes on the road.
“You are shouting at me, Daddy!”
Tama siya dahil tuluyan nang nabasag ang tinig ng bata at nakita na niya ang pamumuo ng luha sa mga mata nito.
“Sabi ko lang ‘mommy’ ang itatawag ko kay Michelle.”
“Okay, honey,” Michelle said softly. “You can call me ‘mommy.’ But that is our secret—”
Napatayo ito mula sa upuan at napalapit sa kanya. “You mean I can call you ‘mommy’ when we’re alone?”
Tumikhim siya, hindi alam kung tama ang sinasabi. Sinulyapan niya si Adrian, umaasang tutulungan siya. Subalit nasa pagmamaneho ang konsentrasyon nito dahil mabato at zigzag ang makitid na daan.
“I-I suppose so,” she said stammering, unsure if it was the right thing to say.
“Yes!” Ngumiti si Catherine. Despite the headrest, the girl’s arms snaked around her neck and embraced her. “Since we’re alone now, I can call you ‘mommy.’” Hinagkan siya nito sa pisngi bago nasisiyahang bumalik sa upuan.
Naiilang niyang nilinga si Adrian. “I hope... I’ve said and done the right thing.” She paused, then sighed. “I was once a child, too, and I know it when...” Her voice trailed off.
Adrian’s lips curved in a lopsided smile, sandali siyang sinulyapan. “You couldn’t have done better,” he said. “Ituloy mo ang sinasabi mo. You were once a child and you know it when what?”
Isang dipa mahigit mula sa daan ay ang matarik na bangin sa ibaba patungo sa mga batuhan at sa karagatan. Sa kabila ng kagandahan ng lugar, kung hindi mag-iingat ang isa ay maraming paraan para mapahamak.
“Hey,” untag ni Adrian.
She wished he’d dropped the subject. “It’s another story though. My father didn’t like me very much,” wika ni Michelle sa pinakamahinang tinig upang hindi marinig ni Catherine na naglalaro na ng Game and Watch na gumagawa ng maingay na tunog.
Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ni Adrian. “Why would a father wouldn’t like her only daughter?” Unless you weren’t his daughter.
She’d switched off the sadness that suddenly gripped her and smiled at him. “Let us not talk about me, Adrian.” Nilinga niya ang buong paligid. “This is such a beautiful place. Sana’y dinala ko ang mga gamit ko sa pagpipinta. And I wish I would be able to paint half of its beauty before I left today.”
“Michelle—”
Ang sasabihin ni Adrian ay naawat nang biglaang paghagis ni Catherine sa laruan at tumahimik iyon. “Left? Left where, Mommy?” Both Adrian and Michelle could hear the panic in Catherine’s voice.
“Michelle is only your mommy-pretend, Catherine. She will have to go back home soon.” Ipinarada ni Adrian ang Hi-Lux sa clearing sa may paanan ng bundok. “Here we are, ladies,” he said smiling, umaasang ma-divert ang isip ng anak sa pinag-uusapan. “At least, nananatiling hindi lumalakas ang ambon.”
“No!” cried the child frantically. “Aunt Harriet had left me already. You can’t leave me, too!”
Nalilitong napatitig siya kay Adrian na ang anyo ay kinakitaan din ng pagkamangha sa anak.
“Catherine, honey...” Sinikap nitong abutin ang anak subalit sumiksik sa sulok ng upuan ang bata at iwinasiwas ang maliit na kamay upang itaboy ang kamay nito.
“No!” Catherine cried hysterically. Pagkatapos ay tumingin kay Michelle. Umaapaw ang mga luha sa mga mata. “Promise you won’t leave me! Promise me... promise!” She was shrieking now.