Athena
The sound of familiar footsteps and, some shuffling noises was what woke me up from my doze. I rubbed my eyes to get rid of the drowsiness and slowly sat up holding the duvet around my body. My stare automatically moved to spot Sebastian who absentmindedly tucked in his midnight blue shirt and fixed his black tie before moving to grab his Rolex from one of the drawers of his watches.
He looked as if he was in a hurry. Something did not seem right, he looked so restless as if he wanted to leave soon as he could. Was it because of what happened last night? This behaviour of his was absolutely contrary to my expectation.
I grasped the duvet around my body and slowly got down from the bed, the cold tiles underneath my feet made a zap of shiver run up and down my body causing goosebumps to rake my skin. I was tired, and even though this was just the start of the morning, there was no energy within me whatsoever. Yet I gathered myself and walked towards him, his attention not even for once shifting at me.
He seemed too distant in his own thoughts.
Whilst he was grabbing his car keys and wallet from over the table, I slowly slipped my arms around him and hugged him from behind.
His whole body froze soon as the contact occurred. He didn't even breathe, there was a strange stillness that radiated from him.
I moved closer, pressing my cheek against his back as I hugged him tighter. His calming scent hit my nose and I inhaled deeply, finding myself completely relaxing because of it.
The pace of his heartbeats increased, and I could sense his restlessness. It was as if he was struggling to refrain himself.
Seconds passed that soon turned into a few minutes, and then he finally spoke.
"What are you doing?" His voice sounded extravagantly harsh compared to how it sounded last night, or perhaps he made it sound like this.
"Nothing..." I murmured and hugged him closer feeling the sparks shoot through me even more intensely than before and judging by his muscles stiffening I knew he felt it too.
"I am not going to take your shit right now, Athena," He hissed, "Remove your hands."
Somehow I found the courage to defy him, "No."
"Don't fucking ruin my mood.....it'll not end up good for you." He threatened, his voice sounding dangerously low.
"Why do you never allow me to get close to you in this way, Sebastian?" I asked, softly, "Do you fear you'll end you committing something you don't want to and you'll start feeling alive once again?"
He felt silent. Not a word came from him.
And this silence gave me my answer.
It was yes—He was existing like living-dead. There were no emotions within him, he did not let them exist at the same time as him. The idea of life scared him—A life that includes pain, suffering, emotions, ups and downs, and amidst all of it a way for happiness.
His breathing came out heavy. His tensed muscles started heating up and the turmoil he apparently went through became more evident.
Minutes later, his unnerving voice rang throughout the room, "Move away."
It gave the omen of the upcoming storm. It was not going to be in my favour if I disregarded his command.
But....I had to.
"No." I pressed holding him as tight as I could, and for some reason, my voice trembled, both in dismay and gloom.
This was it, soon as the word left my mouth, what happened was a blue in front of my eyes. All I knew was that I felt his grip on my hands as he unhooked them from around him and the next thing that I recognized was he was facing me and my throat was under his painful hold.
My difficult breathing did not bother me as much as his cold eyes and the apprehension of his next move did.
"What point do you not understand, Athena?" He asked through gritted teeth, "What are you even thinking? Choosing to not look at the truth for the sake of some pitiful ephemeral hopes that you have made the basis of your strength will get you nowhere. These fake hopes are what will drag you to your grave. Get out of the world inside of your head where you have this blind faith that you can change me. I'll never change. Not for the one who is alive and not for the one whose gone. I'll live up to the rules I have set, and none can alter them."
I could only look at him. Trying not to drown in the darkness he surrounded me with his words.
However, I did not succeed.
"How much of my hatred can you endure and still consider it all fake? How much can you bear while I'm willing to prove how much I fucking hate you, over and over again?" He grabbed a fistful of my hair with his free hand as he brought me closer to his face, his ragged breathing fell hot and heavy on my face, "Listen, choose to see the truth and the truth's what you see, not what you don't. In this denial of yours, you are only going to end up hurting yourself even more than I intended to. Acceptance makes it easier, denial doesn't."
"I don't fear the consequences, Sebastian," I gathered the courage to speak up, "There will be no change in my decision."
"What decision are you talking about, huh?" He spat, moving his hand to grab my jaw, "The one that you have made based on stupid imaginary scenarios? How much will you overlook? How much will you forget? Can you wipe off these scars I have left on you or the memories behind them? Can you forget everything I put you through? Can you unseen the hatred I have for you in my heart?! Even if you say you can, it still wouldn't change a thing, Athena. It was never about you, it still isn't about you. I don't need a mate, nor have I ever needed one. So take my advice and stop wasting both of our time, the sooner you accept the truth, the easier it'd be for you to endure."
"It doesn't have to be like this," I shook my head, my voice trembling as he was really breaking my hopes into millions of pieces, "Our relationship...this bond between us, it doesn't need to be this way. Why don't you just understand that there's so much more to see other than hate? You show me hate and you want me to do the same in return. None of us will get anything from it, Sebastian. This path you have chosen, you think it's an escape but it isn't. You are only digging into darkness. How will you ever understand the importance of love if you don't get out of your own cage?"
This time there was a change in his expression but not in a good way that'd have given me some expectancy.
"You really think I don't know what I am into?" He laughed, cold and terrifying, "You are too blinded by false hopes. I know exactly what I am into, I know what awaits there for me and what's outside this cage you are talking about. I'm aware of everything, and believe me I have gone through all of it; Being the person I am today is what has given me the power and strength I looked for. There's no going back, A man who's a slave of his emotions is a slave to everyone and the last thing I'd allow you to do is to turn me into one."
"You have got it all wrong. You haven't understood the real meaning of life," I was desperately trying to coax him, drag him out of the delusions he kept himself surrounded with, "Love won't weaken you. Accepting happiness into your life won't destroy you. You just need to take one step, I promise you won't regret it. Just stop trying to be heartless for once....only once."
But to my dismay, Nothing I said, affected him. Or even if it did, he did not let it be evident on his face.
"I still don't care, Athena. You will never find what you are looking for. You can't change me, some things are irreversible," He let go of my hair and pushed me away, "And one more thing. I have killed countless people in my life till now, don't make these hands get tainted with your murder sooner than I intended to. Stop trying to turn me into the person I don't want to be. Don't become my weakness because the day you do, is the day I kill you. Death is the price you'd have to pay for love." He let out the words, with his same cold and impassive countenance I failed to read through like every other time.
I could only stare at him. Hanging between the line of disbelief and defeat. He has made his heart a stone, surrounded himself with such walls that are nearly impossible to break when he constantly mended them.
Before any word could leave my mouth, he grabbed his coat and walked out of the room, not even sparing me one last glance as if I was the last person he wanted to look at right now.
What he have said kept circling my mind in a loop--Death is the price you'd have to pay for love.
Is bringing him back really equivalent to my death? Do I truly have to pay the price just to see the real side of my mate for once?
Perhaps, yes....