“Am I really going to do this?” I muttered to myself.
It had been really hard for me to make a decision and to also come up with a plan for what I wanted to do.
I stayed up all night weighing my options and chances while trying to come up with the best possible answer and guess what I came up with? Nothing…blank…nada.
I mean what would you have done if you were in my position?
My eyes had become too heavy and had water streaming down my face and I was unable to process any thoughts by the time it was four a.m. so I just decided to give in to sleep.
By the time I woke up this morning without any answers, I just decided to go with my gut and my stupid gut told me I could do it and more. I didn’t have a plan so I was just going to go with the flow.
The only plan I had was to reach out and stop being invisible. I didn’t have anything other than that. No detailed specifications or anything like that. I was leaving my fate up to nature, well not entirely but most of it.
I was awake way earlier than I normally would so I could have breakfast with Atticus before he left the house for work.
Like I said, I was leaving my fate to destiny and that could be why I was up early even when I had slept for barely two hours. Even the heavens wanted me to have breakfast with him this morning.
I already asked Lily to inform Lorenzo to make breakfast for two so now I was currently trying to make my way downstairs so I could join him but my legs were refusing to cooperate with me.
I had been standing behind my door for the last minute and I suddenly could not find the strength to lift my hands and open the door so I could go downstairs.
The heavens must be in charge of my fate this morning because the door suddenly swung open and if I had not stepped back in time, I would have been hit right in the face and then I would not have just the breakfast to worry about but a broken nose as well.
“Oh my god, did I hurt you?” Lily dramatically exclaimed with wide eyes. Her hands were over her mouth and she looked so afraid as if she had committed an abomination.
“Almost but thankfully there was no injury. I can’t afford to have a broken nose today of all day” I gave her a light scolding.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t expect that you would be standing behind the door, I am so sorry” she apologized again and this time I started to see tears well up in her eyes.
One thing I noticed about Lily was that she was very emotional over the little mistakes she made. She hated to make mistakes and I was getting tired of always telling her that it was in our human nature to make mistakes.
“What did I tell you about over-apologizing?” I pursed my lips and placed my hands on my hips.
“I’m sorry….sorry….I’m s….” she stumbled across her words in a bid to stop saying sorry.
“Stop. It’s okay” I said so I could rescue her before she made an even worse mess of herself.
“Okay, I will so thank you” She corrected herself immediately after she saw the glare I threw her way.
“So what is it?”
“I wanted to let you know that Mr. Hayland is about to have breakfast. You weren’t coming down and I remember you saying that you wanted to eat with him. I don’t think you know that he doesn’t waste time with his meals so you better head downstairs if you want to catch him” She told me in one breath.
I didn’t reply, instead, I hurried downstairs towards the dining hall, suddenly gaining the strength to dash down the stairs.
When I arrived he was already having breakfast. This time I didn’t sit at the opposite end of the table. He lifted his gaze from his food to stare at me until I took a seat by his right.
Lorenzo also looked a little bit shocked but he didn’t show it for long and instead began to set up my plate.
My husband had recovered from his mini-shock and was eating once again, ignoring me like he did earlier.
Now that I was sitting down with him, my nerves had evened out and I didn’t feel as nervous as I did earlier.
I signaled for Lorenzo and the rest of the staff to leave us alone. I had something to discuss with him aside from the project that I wanted to carry out.
“I have something I would like to talk to you about,” I said immediately we were left alone. I couldn’t even eat anything.
“What is it?” He replied but not immediately. I watched him as he dropped his fork and sat back against the chair so he could look at me properly.
“I want to take an active part in the management of my dad’s company. I am tired and bored out of my mind sitting indoors all day and doing nothing. I think I’m going crazy”
While I was thinking about what to do concerning my husband, I had somehow managed to let my thoughts drift towards my career.
I knew from the onset that I wasn’t a business woman so I had not bothered to involve myself in anything that had to do with the business but somehow over time, my perspective had
changed a little bit, the key word being little.
I wanted to gain a little bit of respect from the people I would be around and that was the major reason why I wanted to do something.
And the other reason was that I was so fucking bored doing nothing. The days seemed to be much longer just because I stayed in bed all day.
“No” That was it. Just one word with no intention of explaining further
“What do you mean No, You can’t deny me that” Actually, he could but who would I be if I didn’t argue that fact?
“Yes I can and we both know the reason I have managerial rights and not you is because your father didn’t want you to have anything to do with that company and I would honor that” His tone warned me that there was no need for me to argue but there was no way I was just going to back down like that.
“So what am I supposed to do? Stay at home all day and die of boredom? I cannot and will not continue to live like this. I would die” I dramatically exclaimed and I saw from the corner of my eyes as he raised his brows at my dramatics.
“Find something else that doesn’t have anything to do with the company”
“What do I find, I don’t know how to do anything and there is nothing that amazes me at the moment”
“What about drawing? I heard you were a good artist. You could open your own gallery or something or just draw to pass the time” He suggested.
I was a little bit shocked that he knew I loved drawings. Did this mean that he kept himself updated about me or did he do his research?
I knew I shouldn’t overthink this but I couldn’t help myself from doing that. If he was already finding out things about me without me telling him these things, it might make my mission a little bit easier.
“I draw sometimes but it isn’t something I do all the time or even planned to do as a permanent profession”
“Well, you can use that as a cure for your boredom for now and you can come to me when you have something in mind that has nothing to do with the company”
“I guess I can do just that” I was a little bit sad but I was also happy that I was able to hold such a long conversation with him that was outside my original plan and this also provided
an opportunity for me to hold conversations with him even if it was about what I wanted to do.
“Is that the only thing you want to discuss with me?” He asked, standing up to dust the non-existent dirt on his suit.
“Yes, I guess”
“I’ll be on my way then” he said before he walked out of the room.
This was a success, wasn’t it?