The knocking on the door was muffled by my pillow and the blanket I had placed over my head. Everywhere was silent and noisy and the sound of my heart breaking was way louder than everything all together.
It was like glass shattering. A million glasses. My heart was breaking into a million pieces and there was nobody I could blame except myself.
Danielle was right. I was naive and too trusting. I placed my confidence and my fragile heart in the hands of an unknowing wrong person and if that wasn’t the loudest call for heartbreak, I didn’t know what else it was. And I was too dumb to realize it.
My chest was hurting badly and it felt like I was going to die yet I could not shed a single tear even when I was in such great pain. My eyes had been glued to my phone screen since I got the message.
I could not look away and I could not delete it. I was just staring at it because I had no idea what I could do. I didn’t want to believe it. Yes, that must be the reason why I couldn’t look away. I was having a hard time believing that he would do this.
The phone kept trembling in my hands as my hands shook. I didn’t want to believe that the same man that had made that arrangement ditched me to fuck his mistress. If I hadn’t run out of the restaurant in worry, I would still be there, receiving pitiful looks from the staff.
I would have been embarrassed so badly. There was nothing more embarrassing than being stood up, especially by your own husband. He had been sleeping which meant he must have been with her around the same time I had been getting ready to get to the restaurant.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath so that I could calm down enough to think of what my next step should be. What should I do when he comes home because I am certain he won’t sleep at her place? He never did.
I don’t know what I would do if he decided to sleep outside too. That would be adding salt to my already fresh wound.
I made up my mind pretty quickly. I will not keep quiet this time. If I did, he would do it again and again. I was not okay with this and I never would. I flung the blankets from my body and stood up.
The knocks had stopped so it was safe to assume that they got tired of knocking and went away. I was not looking to run into anyone tonight. I would hate to pour out my anger and frustration on anyone who didn’t deserve it.
I opened my door and was relieved to see no one lurking in the hallways. I crossed the hallway to Atticus' room and let myself in. He wasn’t back yet but I was a little bit confident that he would come home.
I laid down on the bed and snuggled into it. His scent was plastered all over and I hate that it made me calm down a little bit. I should not be getting comfort from someone who hurt me as much as he did tonight.
My body reacted to his bed. I loved the scent embedded into the sheets like a second skin and I hated the way my body relaxed involuntarily with the familiarity of this place. I was feeling things I didn’t want to feel, at least not when I was so angry like this.
My body turned stiff when the door opened behind me about three hours later. It may have been more but I wasn’t keeping track of the time. I didn’t turn to him but kept my back to him so I could gather my thoughts which I was unable to do.
“I know you are awake. What are you doing here? It’s late” I could hear him moving around the room, pulling his clothes off and that wasn’t the only thing I heard as well. I heard the nonchalance in his voice. There was no remorse or guilt and it made my skin boil with anger.
“Where have you been? It’s quite late” I threw his words back at him.
I was still backing him so I didn’t know what his face looked like. It may be different from his tone of voice but I wasn’t ready to find out.
“That is none of your business” I sprang up at once and turned to look at him.
He was shirtless and standing on the edge of the best and his face betrayed nothing. My eyes strayed a little and I found myself staring at his toned chest and the six packs inviting me to run my hand on them.
“None of my business? You have guts, you know? No, I blame myself for thinking you would actually show up on a date you arranged. How could I have been so stupid? Why did you arrange it if you didn’t show up? You just wanted to humiliate me huh?”
“What date are you…. oh” his face turned apologetic and that’s what made it worse. He was a fucking good actor.
‘Oh…” I scoffed “you fucking forgot? You want me to believe you fucking forgot about a date you made arrangements for just this morning?” I began to laugh uncontrollably and I knew I sounded like a mad woman but who wouldn’t?
He wanted to speak but I cut him off again “Am I so unimportant that I could be easily forgotten? It was literally a few hours different and you want me to believe that you forgot? I may be naive, Atticus but I am not stupid.” I ran my hands down my face and I could feel tears prickle my eyes.
“I actually forgot. I didn’t abandon you. I would never do that. I was caught up with something” He lied through his teeth and before I could stop myself, I was throwing my phone at him.
Because my hands worked before my mind, my eyes widened in shock and later relief as the phone dropped on the bed, a second before it could hit his eyes or head.
There was no use acting like I regretted it when I didn’t so I held myself back from apologizing.
“You mean that was something you were caught up with? Something very important?” I gestured towards the phone that was still showing the picture of him asleep in Samantha’s arms.
“You didn’t know she took that picture, did you?” I asked him when I saw his jaws clench as he picked up my phone and stared at the picture as if it offended him to even look at it
“This is the kind of person she is. Can you even see her expression? She is daring me, telling me that she can kick me out anytime. Read the caption” I urged him. His fist tightened around my phone as I kept talking but I wasn’t even finished.
“It doesn’t matter. I made the mistake, not her so keep her out of this” was all he said before handing my phone back to me.
"Let me go then. Sign my company back to me and let me go if she is the one you want to be with because I don’t see the reason why I am still here” The tears flowed with instinct and I could feel my heart constrict with pain.
His eyes widened at my sudden waterfall. He was expecting me to walk out like I always do but today we would agree on something.
“You know I can’t do that” He whispered.
“Do what? Divorce me or give me my company back” I yelled in annoyance. How dare he act as though I was the one putting him at gunpoint?
“Both. You know I can’t do any of what you are asking. I made a promise”
“A promise to protect me, keep me safe and make sure I wasn’t hurt, all of which you are doing every day. I am not happy and will never be here. There is no place for me here so let me go”
“Your place is here and nowhere else. And please stop crying”
“How do I stop crying when I am hurting so bad, tell me Atticus since you seem to know everything"
“I didn’t mean to hurt you this badly but I also can’t hurt her. She has always been here for me”
“You are one greedy bastard, aren’t you? Sacrificing her happiness for money” I scoffed. I grabbed my phone and started making my way out of the room.
“Call Justin, I’m leaving” Of course I wasn’t leaving but I knew I had to put on a show to get what I wanted. I may be a naive, spoilt daddy’s girl but I was smart above all those things.
Atticus knew that if I filed for divorce on the count of cheating, I wouldn’t only win but I would get my company back if I worked a little harder.
“Wait, I’ll stop seeing her, just don’t leave” He grabbed my arms as I was about to pass by him.
“I don’t just want you to stop seeing her, I don’t want her getting anywhere near you. I don’t want her to have any ideas that she can take you from me. I pity her that I became your wife when she was supposed to be that but that’s on you and not me. I shouldn’t have to pay for a mistake that wasn’t mine.”
“I understand”
"I know she means something to you but I would not take this anymore. You are either with me or with her. You chose to marry me so you have to be faithful”
"I understand” It was a little hurtful that he was not happy with parting ways with her but I promise not to dwell on it. I was making way for my happiness and if Samantha stayed away from us, she’d find hers too.
“Now you have to make it up to me,” I told him with a wide smile. I didn’t care if he wasn’t up to it or not and the frown on his face as soon as I said it made me smile more.