I had a good dream last night and my body ached like a bitch but it didn’t hurt at all. I had little hope that I would see Atticus when I woke up.
Talk about a Disney dream. I dreamt that he was fast asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around me as if he was afraid I would be stolen from him if he let go of me.
I didn’t want to wake up from the dream where he was happy to see my face and where he littered my face with kisses and I didn’t mind his morning breath. It was my fantasy life and I knew it was close to coming true.
I knew some people would argue that I was acting like a pathetic loser betting my all to make my husband love me but who wouldn’t? Would you stay in a marriage without love or would you be happy to see him fuck around?
To me, it was better if I tried to be happy since I wasn't getting a divorce. I would never want my dad to be disappointed in me. I have to remind myself that I was here because of Dad but that didn’t mean I couldn’t try to be happy or make my own happiness.
Contrary to my dream, I woke up to not only the cold harsh reality of life but also the cold side of my husband’s side of the bed. He had been gone a while and I tried not to think of what he felt. If he regretted it or not.
It was evening already which meant I slept for almost the whole day and my stomach was hurting since I barely ate anything at breakfast. I grabbed his shirt from the chair beside the bed and put it on.
It was the shirt he was wearing this morning. It fitted him perfectly but on me, it almost fell mid-thighs. I picked my clothes off the floor and started to make my way out of the room.
I don’t know why I did it but I stopped by the door to check the hallway to see if anyone was lingering in the hallway. I felt like a criminal or someone about to do the walk of shame.
I giggled stupidly to myself at that thought before crossing the room when I confirmed that there was no one in sight. I locked the door behind me before jumping on my bed with a squeal.
“Fucckkkk” I screamed into my pillow. The high was yet to leave me and I felt drunk on pleasure. The sex was definitely better this time. Harder, rougher and more demanding but it was everything I needed and more.
My body hurt like a bitch and my skin felt raw from all the hickeys but I wouldn’t change a thing, instead, I would go back for more. He was definitely not without scars of his own and I felt pity for him as I remembered how hard I clawed at his back and butt.
I just got my nails done and they were sharp like claws even though they were short so I knew he was going to have painful marks but I didn’t feel bad at all. I felt proud that any girl he fucks would know that he belonged to someone else. Me.
I got up and decided to take a shower when I saw my haggard-looking self in the mirror. I looked thoroughly fucked and I felt that way too.
There were huge hickeys peeking out of the shirt on my neck. I looked like I had been claimed. I was seeing it as a mark of ownership and I am not going to listen to anyone who says otherwise.
I traced the hickeys and flinched at how raw and painful they felt. It was so funny how people romanticized hickeys when in reality they were painful as hell and looked like I was assaulted but they still looked beautiful to me.
My growling stomach won’t let me take the long shower that I would have liked so I ended up taking a short one. I took some pain relievers from the bathroom shelves since my body felt like I just did manual labour before heading downstairs to have dinner.
With the way I was starving, I wouldn’t be able to wait for Atticus to come home before eating. I would die before then. I threw on a pair of shorts and put on Atticus’s shirt again because I was having separation issues with it.
Lorenzo hitched a brow in surprise at my outfit but he said nothing.
“Come on. Out with it now that I am in a good mood” I grumbled before taking a seat in front of him.
I had to admit that watching Lorenzo cook had become my very own therapy section. I was surprised by how calm I felt whenever I sat down in the kitchen and watched the Italian man cook.
He moved with great ease and fluidity when he cooked, cleaning every step and it was so satisfying to watch.
The man had gotten tired of shooing me away and accepted that he would always have to deal with me in his space and we had gotten a little bit close over the chatter that happened between us whenever I intruded into his space.
“I don’t have anything much to say except I hope you know what you are doing” He spoke calmly but I was confused.
“What does my shirt have to do with my actions”
“We both know what I am talking about and it is not your shirt.” he pointed out before moving to chop the onions cleanly.
“What do you mean? I am lost here”
“We all heard your heated conversation this morning and what followed after” He spoke as if that should explain the comment he made earlier.
I was a bit shy now that he said everyone heard but I kind of expected it. The house was not soundproofed after all and I had been very loud. We both were.
“So… I don’t understand why you sound disappointed. Shouldn’t you be happy that I am trying to make it work with him?”
“Not this way my dear. Giving your body to him doesn’t mean he would start loving you. I don’t want you to be hurt, you mean a lot to me already” He paused to look at me.
“But it would keep those girls away if I give him what he wants from them” I insisted but Lorenzo shook his head in disagreement. He dropped the spoon and came to stand in front of me. He leaned on the table and grabbed my hands in his.
"How long till he gets tired of the sex and seeks someone else? As much as he says he loves Samantha, he still goes to others for sex” I didn’t like that I was starting to believe him and see reason with what he was saying but my stubborn side was far too great.
“Well, I’ve started it and there is no going back now. I’m willing to bear the consequences because I know that this may or may not end well for me but I want to take the risks”
He sighed and I knew he was done with me but there was no way he was going to convince me to change my mind.
“Well, I hope you know what you are getting yourself into,” He said and I smiled sheepishly because I knew he was just worried.
“I’ll be fine. I am prepared for what happened”