I think Atticus was getting irritated with me. I suspected that he lowkey regretted indulging me and keeping quiet when it came to my actions now I was a little obsessed with those little actions.
I found myself obsessing over him, trying to touch him or get any body contact I could get and it was getting a little bit too much for him.
At dinner, I brushed my fingers over his hands when he laid them on the table. When I walked past him at home, I tried to brush my shoulders against him and let’s not get started on the kisses I now gave him every chance I got.
After that night, since he didn’t protest when I gave him that kiss on his cheek, it had become my daily ritual. I gave him a peck every morning and before I went to sleep. He was yet to reciprocate but I didn’t mind at all. I was happy doing the giving.
Today was one of those rare days when Atticus didn’t go to work. I was really surprised when I saw him in sweatpants and a T-shirt in the dining hall. Sometimes, he still loved to read the morning newspaper like an old man.
I think he was getting used to the morning kisses at the table because he dropped the newspaper and I could swear he turned his cheek slightly so I could peck it.
“Good morning, no work today?” I asked him after I sat down.
“No” I rolled my eyes at his short answers but I was used to them now.
“You look good in casuals, you should wear them more often. I can count how many times I’ve seen you in one of those since we got married”
He only grunted but didn’t respond. He dropped the paper and began to eat breakfast.
“Do you have any plans today?”
"For now, no. something may come up later” By something he meant one of the many girls he fucked.
“Oh okay.”
I was going to ask him to take me shopping. Not because I needed to go shopping but because I wanted to spend some time with him but something in his voice told me that I shouldn’t ask so I decided to leave it alone.
“What do you want to say?” He asked with a sigh. I think he could sense that I wanted to say something
‘Nothing. It doesn’t matter” I said with a pout.
“Tell me before I change my mind.” Well, if he insisted, I was not going to let this pass by.
“Do you want to watch a movie with me?” I mumbled.
I discovered that we had an inbuilt family cinema and I was really surprised. According to Lily,
it had never been used which was funny because why would he have a home cinema if he wasn’t going to use it
“You want to watch a movie with me?” He said incredulously. He looked surprised that I was asking him to watch a movie with him
“I knew it was a bad idea”
“No, it’s not. I’m just a little taken aback. I’ll watch the movie with you. Let’s go”
"Now?” I practically yelled in shock.
“Do you have anything else to do?” He asked with raised brows
"No” I scrambled to get up and catch up to him as he left the dining and started heading towards the home cinema.
“What movie do you have in mind?”
“I don’t know” I scratched my head sheepishly. I hadn’t thought of that since I suggested it on a whim.
“What do you really want? I am getting confused by these things that you do. I kept indulging you because I don’t want to hurt you but I am uncomfortable with these actions” I would have walked right into him if I had not been careful.
“What do you mean?” I asked with a raised brow.
He looked around to see if anyone was around before gesturing with his head upstairs. He left me standing there and I had no other option than to follow him. At least he was going to confront me in private.
He entered his room and left his door open for me. I stepped into the room and locked the door behind me.
He was standing in the middle of the room and he used his palm to wipe his face probably in irritation.
“I told you at the beginning not to expect something more. This marriage is in paper only but it seems my recent indulgence has made you think there can be more” he spoke with no emotion in his voice and I placed my hand over my chest because it was suddenly hurting.
“Why can’t there be more? Are those girls better than me? Is it because of her? I heard you were supposed to marry her. If you loved her so much then why did you marry me instead?” He whipped his head around to face me but there was nothing on his face to betray his emotions.
Cold-hearted bastard.
“I promised your father that I would protect you not fuck you” I winced at his harsh choice of words.
“Well, am I a minor that can’t be fucked? You already did that” I yelled
“And it’s a mistake that should never have happened and would never happen again” Unlike
my loud voice, he kept his calm and it made me angrier.
“Do you think you are fulfilling my father’s wish when I am hurting every day because of you? Do you even know the humiliation I face daily because your affairs aren’t a secret? How the fuck is that protecting me?” tear gathered in my eyes threatening to fall but I raised my head to prevent it.
“Why won’t you just look at me and see me” I whispered exhausted.
“I didn’t realize my actions were hurting you. I’ll try to keep my extra activities a bit private” He told me and I chuckled humorlessly.
“Private, he says. I don’t want you to keep them private, I want you to stop them” I snapped.
“That can't happen. I have needs you know?"
“Then use me instead. Use me for your needs, I don’t mind. I just want you to look at me”
I felt pathetic at this point but what could I do? I was tired of being humiliated by women who shouldn’t have the guts to do so.
He didn’t say anything and looked like he was deep in thought. I walked slowly towards him but he made no move to walk away. He was taller than me so I had to reach up and wrap my hands around his neck. I pulled him to me and slowly pressed my lips against his.
Deep down, I prayed that he would not push me away. He stiffened as my lips pressed against his but did not push me away.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally moved his lips against mine. I sighed in bliss and let him take control of the kiss and my body.
I knew this was dangerous but I would worry about it tomorrow. Right now, I wanted to allow myself to be lost in pleasure that only the man above me could give.