I was back home, not my home with Atticus but my dad’s estate. I didn’t know how I got here but it seemed to make sense that I was here.
The house was filled with people and it was bustling with activity as though nothing changed but I knew better.
I was convinced it wasn’t real but the familiarity of it all was convincing and now I was confused why this was happening. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own and knew where they wanted to be.
I found myself heading towards my dad’s study. The door was locked but it had never stopped me before. I opened the door and gasped when I saw him sitting there, working on some files.
He had his glasses on and his brows were furrowed together in confusion and he had yet to notice that I had entered. My eyes watered at the familiar scene before me but I wiped them away because I didn’t want to waste any minute of this.
I missed him so fucking much. I was confused as to why I missed him when he was always here. My heart was aching so badly and I was confused as to why I was acting this way.
A choked sob escaped my lips and Dad’s head snapped up to look at me. He frowned in concern when he saw my state. He pushed his chair back and opened his arms wide. That was all the invitation I needed to fling myself at him.
His arms engulfed me as soon as I reached him and I found myself sitting on his legs like I did when I was a child. He rubbed my back to make sure I calmed down but the tears were like a waterfall and would not stop even when I willed them to.
“It’s okay now baby. Daddy’s here now. Everything will be alright” he said to me as he tried to calm me down.
“I miss you so much, Dad. You shouldn’t have left me alone” I cried into his shoulders.
"I know my love. Forgive me but I promise it will all turn out for the best” He tried to assure me but I shook my head in denial.
“You don’t understand. It won’t be better. It was a mistake giving me to him. Everything is at stake now” I removed myself from him so I could look at him.
“It may look like that now but you have to believe me when I say it will all work out in the end”
“How do you know? You aren’t even here anymore. You abandoned me” I practically yelled at him but I immediately regretted it when I saw the look of turmoil on his face.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that” I apologized.
"It’s okay but you have to know that I am always here for you and will always be” he suddenly looked like he was fading away so I tried to hold on to him but my fingers went through him.
“Dad. What’s happening? Dad?” I screamed in fear. He was talking but I could no longer hear him, I could only see his lips moving.
“Daddy please don’t leave a second time...please”
I jerked awake but my vision was obstructed by something. I wanted to use my hands to push it away but my hand touched human flesh and I was startled. It was a dream. Dad was dead and it was all a dream.
Memories of last night came flooding in and I almost sat up in shock. Atticus was still in bed and he had his arms wrapped around me protectively as if he was afraid I would leave or be taken away from him.
This has never happened before. He never stayed behind after sex. Even if we fell asleep together, he would be gone the next morning before I woke up. I had no idea what to make of this and I didn’t want to sign myself up for my heartache by assuming things that weren’t possible.
I dragged myself up a bit so I was looking at his face and not his chest. He was still very much asleep so I know he may be holding me just because he was sleeping. I was sure he would extract himself from me the minute he woke up.
He looked a lot different and better asleep. His permanent scowl was nowhere to be seen so his face was relaxed and his features so peaceful. He looked like something out of a book cover like this.
I dared myself to touch his face. My hands traced his features. I tried to take in much of this
Atticus I may never see again and this close. His lashes were so long they almost touched his cheeks. I ran a finger across them and they were so soft.
Next, I traced his nose and his lips but my fingers lingered over the lips. I traced every curve and every dip on them. They were still swollen and red from last night and I felt an ounce of pride.
I leaned forward to press my lips against his. It was too tempting not to. I didn’t move my lips against his, I just kept it there because I wanted to feel it.
My eyes opened and I caught a glimpse of his ribs. There was something like a scratch mark peeking from there. Visions of him above me and my hands clawing away at his back desperate for something or anything to hold on to.
I forced myself away from his arms and it loosened a bit around me so I could get a good look at his back. I felt guilty when I saw how red his back was but it looked good too. At least to me.
“Admiring your artwork?” I jumped back in shock. I looked up to see his eyes on me. I retracted my hand as if I’d been burned or rather caught.
“More or less,” I said with a smile once I collected myself. I laid back down in his arms
If I say I wasn’t shocked when he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, colouring me stupid.
“How are you feeling?” he asked softly. Okay. That's it. Someone better tell me what the fuck is going on? Am I still dreaming?
“Sore but it’s not bad,” I told him with a smile. How could I not smile?
“Did I hurt you last night? I know I was a bit rough” I sat up to take a good look at the man saying all of these things to make sure the same man I married.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” he asked but how do
I tell him he was acting strange without spoiling the mood? I hadn’t replied to a single question of his because I was confused and tongue-tied.
“Nothing. You didn’t hurt me last night. What are you still doing here?”
“What do you mean? Do you not want me here?” Is this man for real?
“No. it’s fine. I like you here” I said with a small smile.
He sat up and the sheets pooled around his waist. If he moved a little I would be able to see all of him. He was naked underneath and so was I. The startling realization made me look down and see that I was also bare and I wasn’t even aware. That’s how comfortable I was with him.
He took his phone that was on the nightstand and started going through it. A sudden thought came to my mind but I shook it away. I shouldn’t test the boundaries. I could spoil the atmosphere that I had yet to understand.
The thought just won’t go away so I decided to take another big risk and give it a go. The worst thing that would happen is that I would be turned down and that would also be the most normal thing to happen to me this morning.
“Do you want to go on a date with me?” I rushed out and held my breath at the same time as I watched for his reaction and waited for his answer.
His face betrayed nothing when he finally turned to me. My head was light because I didn’t know what to expect yet I was so afraid of his reply when I shouldn’t be since I knew what to expect.
“Sure. We’ll go tonight. Wear something nice” was all he said before he stalked out of the room stark naked. I wanted to tell him that someone could see him but my words were stuck in my throat.
My mind was reeling with shock. It seems as if shock has become my friend. All I want to do as I look at the door that my husband just shut behind him and scream.
Who the hell was that man and what was happening?