RYAN
I couldn't take my eyes off him, while the driver pulled into the big road outside Elsie's place, from where I had just reclaimed him.
He looked just like me, when I was a teenager in high school, and he was glad to have been claimed by me.
Elsie wasn't that good to him, I was sure of that, because if she was good to him in any way, he wouldn't be so glad to leave her for good and go with me, but the least thing I had in mind was going home without going to the hospital to see Ciara.
Thoughts of her bought loads of guilt on me, having been the one who started the fight the day I dumped her for my ex, shattering her world in just a minute.
I shook my head, and rested it on the headrest, my eyes still on him, who is a replica of me. How could I have denied him if Ciara brought him to me and claimed I got her pregnant?
But she did the good job of fleeing from me and the world around us, then, she sought refuge in the arms of a hidden neighborhood where she could deal with the mess, I made of her.
I felt tears welling up in my eyes but I blinked and dabbed at my eyes with my palms. Shading tears in the presence of my son, Herzl was the wrong thing to do, though I knew he wasn't looking at me, and he seemed to know we were going to see his mother.
His mother was the world to him, and I don't blame him for that, because she stood for him even when life was hell, and even had him when she knew that men as heartless as I am does not deserve the honor of being father.
I touched his hair and he turned to me. My face broke into a soft smile, but he didn't respond with his own smile. He merely turned to the windscreen, watching the road as though he wished to grab the steering and do the driving.
That was very much my traits, my sort of personality. I would always like to be the force engineering whatever I was part of, and that was him doing the same.
But he was only four years old, which means he could be fantasizing over something else, but no one would blame me for assuming, because assuming is the art of being human.
I smiled and continued with my little hubby of having my eyes stock on him. It's been four years since his mother fled from the city. Four years since I lost contact with her after I messed our beautiful relationship up for my ex's sake. Fouryears.
"Sir, we've arrived at the hospital." The driver woke me from my thoughts.
I sat up and looked at the hospital building through the screen. I must confess I didn't know when we pulled into the hospital premises. His announcement came as a shock, but that's by the way.
I grabbed Herzl's hand, opened the door and alighted with him in my arms. At four years he was good in running around and playing with any pretty thing he sees. That's common among kids though, so, I had to take him up in my arms to keep him away from running round the massive hospital premises.
A security guard approached us as I shot the door, and bid the driver off to the car pack.
"Good day, sir." He said, his eyes on Herzl.
Maybe he had met the kid before, that's probably why he had his eyes fixed on him.
"Good day. He is already off to the packing lot." I said, having guessed he came to remind us that we alighted at the wrong place.
"Have you no idea where this is? I mean, kids don't come here." He said with such sincerity I deemed unnecessary.
I scuffed.
"I didn't come to have him stay here. We are here to see his mother, Ciara." I said in defense of myself and my son.
He raised an eyebrow.
"If you were him, how would you feel seeing your mother caged in a rehab?" he posed.
His query infuriated me, but I had to be in my best manners here. It won't sound really fair if I get harsh on the security guard who was simply doing his job.
"Can I meet the management?" I asked.
That was the best way of dealing with stubborn security guards, but I still had it in mind that he still has the right to turn down my request, no matter how I protest.
"That's not necessary." He said, now looking mean.
He wasn't this mean at first, but demanding to meet the management made him get off his wits. Who knows what would be going on in his unseen mind now?
He could be cursing me with the ugliest of the voices in his mind.
"Come on, man, you can't deny me that also." I said with a mean face and a not so cool voice. I would have him call his colleagues on me if he insists on denying me access to the facility where my Ciara is caged up.
They called it a rehabilitation center, but I call it a psychiatric hospital, where mentally unfit people are kept on rehab.
I don't know the reason for Ciara's mental issues, but I could guess it was due to the lemon life offered her.
Those lemons include the death of her parents, his brothers death and me dumping her toppled all the mess she ever had in the last four years.
"You can'tjust barge in here, and demand I let you get to the management just to secure permission to contradict our policy." He insisted.
"So, what do we do now? Do you take bribes?" I posed with a wry smile.
Who doesn't need money here?
He is having a hard time guarding the facility and keeping the psychos from skipping the fence.
He furrowed his brows. Maybe he was one of the few good guys out there who are so displeased with taking bribes or maybe he felt I was getting his pride dragged to the earth with such silly question that guards love so much.
"Hey, what do we have here?" It was another security guard. He was clad in a black suit, but I could tell he was a security guard because he had a walkie talkie.
The security guard turned to him.
"Sir, he wants to get the kid in here." The guard said.
"Excuse us." The man in suit said.
"Okay, sir." The security guard said and off he went, leaving us for good.
The man in suit turned to me, with a face creased in a smile.
"My name of Rollins, I am the chief security officer here." He offered me his right hand for a handshake, and I accepted his offer.
"You know you can get your kid in here, but must take responsibility if you end up creating another mentally derailed patient."
I guess he really want his words to sink into my skull.
"Okay then, but I don't think my woman is mentally derailed. She is merely passing through some emotional tests, and that's all." I retorted.
He smiled and rubbed his palms.
"Have your way, man."
We were ushered into the visitor's room by one of the staffs in the facility, where Herzl sat and waited patiently for Ciara.
Herzl looked like he had questions to ask, but I don't think he had made himself that free around me. Maybe he is yet to discern what exactly I was in his dear life.
Well, I'm his father; nothing changes my place, and if he finds it difficult to ask me questions, then I would answer whatever I thought might be the question in his mind.
"Relax, mom's coming." I rubbed his hair.
He took after me in nearly everything apart from his hairs. They were his mother's kind of hair.
He looked at me and shook his head, and as though it was arranged, the door creaked open and Ciara was led into the room by one of the nurses who work in the facility.
She was really in a bad state. Her hairwas rough, and her cloth was rough, but that didn't stop Herzl from springing to his feet, running to her and hugging her tight.
"Mom." He said as he held hertight in a hug.
Ciara looked down at him and smiled.
Maybe her senses were beginning to come home. I stood up with a smile, but she frowned as soon as her eyes met my face.
For heaven's sake, she still has sentiments reserved for me in her pretty mind.
"Ciara."
She looked at me, and the nurse helped hersit, but kept Herzl away from her, though Ciara did not show any signs of mishandling the kid if he came anymore closer.
"Please, don't let the kid get too close to her." The nurse said and chained Ciara's hand to the table.
How I hate that sort of treatment. No wonder the security guard asked the question that got me annoyed. How would I feel to have my mom caged up in a rehab center?
"Come on, Herzl."
It was best to obey instructions here, to avoid getting kicked out the next time I would visit. I learnt the management here wasn't up for games.
Herzl obeyed me and came to my side.
I smiled at Ciara the second time, and she moved her lips as though she wanted to say something, but her lips hugged each other as though her words were not coming even if she tried to get them out.
"I picked Herzl up from your aunt's place or rather your house. I think it's high time I take him to my mom's place." I said, hoping she was hearing me loud and clear.
She might be in a trance, but she must be hearing me word for word, but the problem lies in the response. She wouldn't drop a response no matter how longer I pester her with words.
"I think it's high time I build a strong relationship with my son. But that would be at his granny's place, because I want him properly taken care of, till you are free to join us, and make the bliss complete."
I had too many words to say, but I shouldn't talk much here, when I believe she could hear me, but I'm not really sure she could comprehend them word for word.
"Don't worry, Ciara, our son would be fine with my mom, and you would be fine and free soon."
I wouldn't have had her thrown into a rehab center like her aunt did, because I believe there are many better ways of handling such issues as hers, other than having her tossed into a rehab center.
I reached out for her hand, the one that was chained to the table and touched it. I had not done that in four good years.
But I just did it, and I'm leaving my hand atop hers till I am asked to stop.
She looked at her hand and looked up at me. Maybe she is remembering something about us. Maybe she is getting a couple of flashbacks.
If only memories of her past would replay in her mind, then she would be totally free from amnesia and all sorts of mentally derailment messing up her life.
"Sir, kids are not allowed to stay longerthan five minutes in this room, you must take him home right away." The nurse said, her eyes on the wall clock.
"Okay." I sucked in a deep breath and took Herzl up in my arms. "We would come see you another day, Ciara." I kissed hergoodbye.