Athena
The bakery closed and I headed home even though that was somewhat the last thing I wanted to do. One of the many reasons behind my reluctance to go back to the apartment was that it was still a mess. Neither I'd recovered from last night's conversation with Sebastian nor did I know if I was going to anytime soon.
Indeed I liked to keep myself busy to distract my mind from diving into the same dark corner of my memories again and again but the silence of the place where I stayed, was too unnerving to help me with that. So, what I had destroyed stayed destroyed and scattered all over the floor, just like the connection between me and Sebastian; The only exception remained the fact, I destroyed mere objects and he destroyed three lives. One that never got the chance to step into this world.
Releasing a small sigh, I rubbed my palms together, regretting my decision of not bringing a sweater, or at least, a shawl with me. The weather was weird, I hadn't expected the temperature to drop all of a sudden and the cold winds to make their way into the town from the shore of the river.
I could vaguely remember catching a glimpse of the news channel from Remi's phone. She was keen to be cautious about the weather all the time after the incident where once she got stuck at a church for a whole day due to a snowstorm— However, today, the chances of a snowstorm were near Zero, but a rainstorm? I could already see that coming.
As I began getting near the residence where I lived, suddenly a female voice calling out my name stopped the motion of my legs. I halted at my place, in the middle of an empty road with no vehicles passing by, not even any locals.
"Athena."
I turned around and found the very least expected person in my mind, walking over to me, whose name I remembered as Cora— The woman I'd seen with Sebastian in his hotel room.
What was she doing here?
"Sweetheart, I know what you are thinking, I know what you think of me and before you say it by yourself, I am aware that I am the last person you want to talk to but please, I need to talk to you. It's really important," There was nothing else in her voice, but just a request that she uttered in a desperate urgency which eventually made me ponder over multiple questions all at once.
"Why would you even want to talk to me? I am sure you and especially I, have plenty of important things to do rather than waste each other's time, don't we?" With that I attempted to turn around and walk away but out of blue, she grabbed my hand to stop me.
"Please, it's really important. It's about your mate."
My gaze snapped at her before it slowly moved to glance at where she'd grabbed my wrist, noticing my stare she was quick to release her hold.
"First of all, he is not my mate. And secondly, nothing about him concerns me though it may concern you, as I can see now," I crossed my hands over my chest, "So tell me, would you prefer to waste your time telling a person something that relates to a man who does not hold, even the nearest importance of a stranger to her or would you just walk away and care to spare me from your diligent attention, I ask?"
"Athena, look I know you don't want to do anything about Sebastian but I think it's important for you to know what's going on with him," She said, "He's at a very rough phase of his life and he—"
"You know, Miss. Cora, what astounds me is how much you care about these things!" I chuckled, "He told me you are his psychiatrist, but does being his doctor include you spying on his mate who'd left for good and trying to have a talk with her for no valid reasons? You said yourself that you know I don't want to do anything about Sebastian and it's true. I don't give a fuck about what is happening with him and his damn life where he has suddenly become a philanthropist— Helping the poor, saving the lives of children, attending charities, etc. And if you ask me, I'd say it's all just a facade. Deep down, he's still the same damn cursed monster I know. So, please, take note that anything regarding him does not concern me. Goodbye!"
I turned around and began to walk away, as soon as I could.
"Would it still not concern you if I tell you that he has become suicidal?"
And...I'd stopped before I even knew that I had. My eyes widened and my heartbeats fell into the slowest rhythm they had until this date.
"Would you not care if I tell you about how he is using his father's methods to punish himself for the mistakes he made, for the injustices he put you through?" Her voice sounded closer so did her footsteps.
Perhaps, this was her perk— She could read people and for now, she had certainly realised that I was not in the state to take a step forward nor a step back, or simply just turn around.
Suicidal— That one word stopped my whole world, dragged me to the edge where the chances of it falling down the cliff were more than the number of sleepless nights I'd passed my entire life.
It all felt like a shrewd blow that left my beliefs crumbling into pieces.
"What would you do if I take you back to the hotel and show you the fresh wounds he has not even bothered to treat after belting himself with his room locked, for he could not kill him since he still had to make up for everything he'd done wrong?"
"No, he can't be doing this. You are just trying to trick me," My words collapsed into a trembling mess.
I looked at her in the hopes of trying to find some sort of treachery crossing her features, spot any sign that would, no matter if it was very small or barely noticeable, tell me that her words were a trap and she was lying.
But no. She wasn't.
"I have got no reasons to trick you, Athena. I am his friend, and I am sure, his importance to me would never be more than how much he matters to his mate. I know that you still love him and always would but trust me, I am not here to use your weakness to my advantage," She said, soft and calm, "I just want to help my friend. Aside from his doctor, I am also a friend who cares about what's going on with her friend's life and right now, Sebastian is not even living. You wouldn't even believe me if I tell you how worse his condition is getting every day. There's a cure for physical illness most of the time, those wounds are noticeable but the untreated wounds that are within him, if they are not healed— He'll eventually kill himself someday and worst of all, he'd be proud to call it a recompense for his sins that haunts him every second of the day and night."
I did not know how to respond. Mostly, I did not know if I was going to succeed to get through this haze and digest the truth. The thought alone of anything such as she said, happening to Sebastian, shook me to my soul.
No matter how much I denied, pretended to not give a shit about him but I couldn't change the fact that I loved him
He was my mate, he'd always matter to me in one way or another.
"Then help him. You are his doctor, why don't you just help him get out of his misconceptions? Hurting himself isn't gonna fix what we have lost, it is not going to bring me peace or give him the salvation he's looking for." My restlessness started becoming obvious.
I was seconds away from losing it.
"I tried, Athena. I tried the best I could, I have been treating him for four months and trust me, there is no method left. From therapies to medicines and whatnot! His whole life still revolves around you and it always would," She said, "He's never going to move on from you or your memories. He's stuck, still in his past and perhaps, would always be if not helped. That's why I came to you. None else in this world can fix him."
"No, you don't understand," I began to hyperventilate at the thought of going through what I'd endured when I once believed that I could fix him, "I can not fix him. I have tried once— Until my blood ran cold and my heart went numb. If I was the one who could fix him, we wouldn't be standing here today, Cora. He does not need me."
"He does. The only person he needs at this point is you. Then it was different, it was his curse and fears that did not allow him to take a step towards you but now, he has no restraints. He is dreaming of the day, you'd step back into his life and offer him the light once again," She held my hands, giving them a comfortable squeeze as if to reduce my dilemma and wash away my doubts, "It's not the same as before, he is a man willing to change. All he needs is help."
"But not from me. I am the one who failed to save her own child! My fate has shown me the worst every time I thought of finding a way to live. You don't even know how weak I am. I am not strong enough to fight for him again," I hurriedly pulled my hands away, feeling her hold will burn them, "I'll eventually end up losing this fight. I am not prepared for it, I am broken myself. How do you expect me to heal him when I haven't been able to heal myself?"
"Love will heal you both, Athena. Just trust me, it's going to be a lot easier than you could even think of," I could not fathom how she was seeing any possibilities in this fucked situation, "Have faith."
"No, I don't think you understand, Cora. If I step into those boundaries again, everything will end for me right there. And you know what's interesting? I might end up making his condition even worse because my untreated traumas won't leave me and all of it will end up attacking him!"
It took everything within me to not break down. Loud were my doubts, sounding inside in my head in a loop, but louder was the pain of not being able to say yes to Cora. Agree to help my mate whom I would love till death.
"Sweetheart, listen to me. First, you need to calm down, okay?" She said, gently trying to coax me
"I can't. I can't calm down nor can I help my mate cause I am equally fucked up. If anything would happen after I entered his life, would be me pushing him off of the cliff, straight to death, all at once," I was freaking out, "Tell me, do you want that?"
Her attempt to speak went in vain as I cut her off, "Just stop trying to drown in delusion and listen to me. Help him, be his support. He loves his mother a lot and tells him to try to heal for her sake, and for the sacrifices she made for him. Try to live in a good way and forget about his past. It may not work at first, but keep reminding him of the reasons to stay alive. One day, he'll eventually move on."
"Have you been able to move on, yourself? Then how do you think, just giving him a motivational speech would miraculously work?"
"I don't know," Tears burned in my eyes, "I just hope, it'll work because, I-I....don't have the strength to fight anymore nor can I live with the truth that my mate is going to kill himself because of me."
Without another word, I turned around and ran away, finding it the only way to save myself from the upcoming storm that might turn my life upside down once again.