Athena
In the midst of everything she had destroyed with her own hands, with her tears pouring freely and proceeding to slide down her cheeks, her screams sounding louder than the waves of the sea, her eyes red and her soul having more pieces than the things she'd broken in the hopes of buying herself a reason to feel less devastated than she was, sat a woman— A broken woman with scars that'd take years to count. A woman who had once dreamt of being loved. A woman who had once imagined a life with her child after her mate who never wished to keep her in his one.
And that woman was me. I was that ill-fated woman.
Why couldn't he just love me?— This question would never stop asking me to be answered.
Why did I had to lose my baby?— This question would always keep hurting me.
Why hadn't I put myself first?— This question would allow me the guts to forgive myself.
I had never known before meeting Sebastian that love can be so lethal. But, thanks to him, he made it possible. I owed him for that. If I ever meet him again, I am going to thank him for his kind lessons, but who knows? I could also end up forgetting everything under his gaze just like I have always had.
My eyes ultimately glanced at the clock after, perhaps, a few hours that would have, otherwise been an hour less if I had noticed the time fleeting by so fast before. I did care about how much I was wasting for a man like Sebastian, and these passing hours told me how worsened my condition was getting each second.
The walls began speaking to me again......
My own screams began to buzz in my ears.
The times I begged for his love, the times I overlooked his mistakes and the times I let myself hold onto another false hope in search of an escape I wanted to secure for us— All of it flashed before my eyes and it crashed against me, like a deadly tsunami.
I shot up. Despite not having any strength, I got myself up on my feet and harshly wiped my tears with the back of my hand. I grabbed my keys and ran to the door to get out of the apartment.
I was frightened and mostly ashamed.
It felt like there were people all around the room laughing at me. They called me pathetic, for how Sebastian would spend his time with his new woman and I would carry the weight of depression.
With my shaky hands, I hurriedly unlocked the door but soon as I did...I was met with a tall figure. His hand reaching for the doorbell slowly lowered once he looked at me. It turned out that I had opened the door before he could ring the doorbell.
"Athena."
"Sebastian."
I took multiple steps backwards, unable to wrap my head around the fact that he was actually there.
No, he couldn't be!
It was just a nightmare....No! It wasn't. He was actually here.
He walked inside, making me regret the decision of opening the door in the first place and as he closed it behind him, the air in the room got ten times heavier. He took a look around, taking in the things I had destroyed. The concern flashing in his orbs only reminded me of the hatred that had once gleamed there.
"Athena, we need to talk."
Not a word left my mouth, I wanted to scream at him, hit him, curse him and throw him out of my apartment but I ended up doing nothing except repeatedly shaking my head.
I stepped back even more, almost stumbling on one of many broken objects that now remained all over the room.
"Careful," He frantically grabbed my arm, stopping me from falling straight on the floor on my back, mostly on a bed of broken glass pieces that'd penetrate straight through my flesh through my skin.
I felt the sparks shoot through my body and my palpitating heart once again wanting to melt under his touch at the sight of my guilty pleasure.
I shrieked, yanking my hand away from his hold, "Get away from me!"
He stepped backwards yet not allowed me enough space to breathe properly. It was impossible to even breathe when his scent flew in my nostrils every time I inhaled. I was equally enraged and terrified. His presence had been a nightmare for me and it still was.
"Athena, please. Just listen to me once," His voice speaking soft and the guilt speaking louder, almost succeeded in wrapping me around its chains.
"No, I don't want to listen to you! I don't wanna see your face, just go away! Get out!" I sobbed, tears pouring out without any resistance, my head looking away on its own to avoid seeing his face, "Get out! Get out! Get out!"
"What you saw in at the hotel, is not how it—"
"I don't care whom are you fucking with, Sebastian! I don't give a fuck about you and your new mistress, just get the fuck out of my apartment and leave me alone," I shouted at the top of my lungs, "Get the hell out of here, for god's sake."
"Please, just for once listen to me," His menacing stare and cold voice hadn't hurt me as much as his pleading tone and loving gaze did.
Seeing him like this, so soft-spoken and considerate, seeming aware of his mistakes and things he should be guilty of, felt like someone took my broken dreams and put them in one piece in front of me.
"No, I am not going to listen to you because I don't want to. We are done, totally done. Now get the hell out of my apartment. You disgust me!"
"Yes, I know you are done, and I know I don't deserve to even talk to you. I know the sight of me disgusts you, I know what I have put you through and I know what I could have done right— Trust me, I know everything and I am reminded of my mistakes every day, every hour, every minute, and every second of the day," He said, "That's why I am not here to ask for your forgiveness because I know I don't deserve that. I am your abuser, I am the one who ruined your life, and I am the one responsible for every loss we had to go through. But I am just here to tell you what's true— What you saw in the hotel is not true. Cora's not my girlfriend. She is my—"
"What truth are you talking about? The one that I witnessed with my own eyes today? Or the ones that you are now trying to hide with this fucked up acting of yours?!" I spat, "You have moved on with your life, then have the fucking guts to say it to my face. You have found a new woman to quench your thirst, great. Keep fucking her, but get the fuck out of my damn life! Let me live mine, I am tired of everything."
"I will. Just trust me. I am never going to step into your life ever again but I am just here to tell you that...whether you are with me or not, whether you forgive me or keep hating me for the rest of your life, It'll always be you for you. I love you, Athena and I'll always love you."
"Stop lying, Sebastian, Just stop it," At this point, I didn't know if I was begging him or venting out my rage, "You are out there fucking a woman in your hotel room and now you tell me that it's me whom you'd always love? What are you even expecting?"
"Cora and I don't have that kind of relationship between us. She's my—"
Once again, I cut him off. Reluctant to hear any story he had made up to justify his deeds. I was not going to let him play with my mind so that he could trick me into believing something totally contrary to reality.
"Oh, so she's just a fuck buddy? Thanks for the information. You may leave now!" I was going crazy, there was nothing more I wanted at that moment than for him to leave, "And if you don't then I will, because I surely can't stand a disgusting and manipulative abuser like you."
I soon made a move to stride out of the room, when all of a sudden I found myself being grabbed and the next second, I was pressed against the console.
He held me against his body, gentle and firm at the same time, preventing me from moving away.
Unknowingly, I fell silent. Completely and utterly silent. It felt like I was on the verge of melting under his gaze. Warmth cascaded down and pulled me in, the sparks were shooting everywhere, and the closeness made my skin tingle both with terror and desire. It'd been a long time since I'd felt his touch.
"Cora is my doctor— She is the psychologist who's treating me."
"I am not buying your excuses, Sebastian. But what concerns me is why are you even here. Why do you care about what I think if you know that the things between are far beyond where they could have been fixed? Why? It doesn't make sense to me," I let out, it was a struggle to speak without letting go of the sob on the verge of leaving my mouth, however, I somewhat succeeded, "I don't care about what you do. Just go away, please. I beg you."
"Because I don't want you to hate me more than you already do." He sighed, he was almost breaking apart...almost.
"Yet you decided to explain yourself with the help of lies."
"I am not lying, Athena," He pulled me even closer, my chest pressed against his, his one hand went to cup my face whilst the other one went around my waist just to make sure that I'd be left with no chances of putting some space between us, "I know, it's hard for you to believe me and even harder for you to bear my sight. What I had done was the worst one could put their loved ones through...but, I have learned from my mistakes. Yes, I know learning and fixing myself will not hand me back the life I'd lost, your chances offered to me that I blew away but I am trying to do something that'd make me feel less of a monster than I am. Leaving the curse has changed me but not my identity, I can never wipe the black off of the footsteps I left behind but I am trying to paint the new ones white."
His manipulating touch, addicting scent and enchanting eyes were hauling my soul close to him once again no matter how heavy were the chains that I'd put around them.
It'd take him little to no effort to break me once again. Just a few cruel words, a hateful gaze and a few triggers to the dark memories silently residing at the bay would do the job for him.
But he didn't do that.
"I love you, Athena. I fucking burn for you, every day, every night and every second. I crave your presence around me, I want you by my side and every night single I wish for a miracle that'd happen to make me get up the next morning with you in my arms," He caressed my cheek with his thumb, the longing in his eyes was intense, the love shone through it yet I decided to look past it, "Do I look like I am lying? Tell me, does all of it seem like a lie to you?"
It didn't...and I hated it because it made me feel weak towards him when all I wanted was to push him far away.
"Yes, it does," My voice was barely higher than a trembling whisper, "I don't want the truth from the man who crushed my dreams under his feet and laughed at my face, who willingly let his demons ruin our lives, who in the process of keeping himself unharmed destroyed the most precious chances we had together and lastly I don't want the truth from the man....who is the murderer of my child."
He froze on the spot. From his determination to not let me go at all, to loosening his hold around me, the last part of my sentence did bear a huge impact on him. He looked like a guilt-ridden man who was hurting just because he refused the struggle of trying to hide from the bitterness of his past.
"You are right, I am the one responsible for our child's death..." He breathed out, stepping away from me.
I did not know why but I started feeling a weird regret crawling up my walls ready to crumble. I did not want to hurt him or constantly keep him suppressed underneath the weight of his mistakes in the past but what could I do?
Every Time I'd see his face, when in my dreams, my nightmares or I could say, just now, it only reminded me of the damage he caused. I couldn't look at him and not be reminded of the fact that he could have saved us from everything if only he had decided to let go of his curse before the havoc crashed in.
"Yes, you are," I wished I could stop my tears, "And as much I hate to admit it, I am also equally responsible. So we both have to live with this until the day we die. Now please...leave."
I turned around to look away from him because I knew, keeping my gaze on him for one more second would push me to the edge and I would end up running into his arms and kissing his pain away.
His footsteps broke through the silence, indicating that he walked out.
A sob finally tore through my throat, and I broke down once again, just like the night when I'd first met him.