“H AVE a look at this.”
Inabot ni Blanca ang folder na hawak ni Daniel. Binuklat niya iyon at nasorpresa sa mga dokumento sa loob. Isa iyong proposal, quotation ng mga makina na kailangan niya para sa pabrika. Hindi brand new ang mga makina, pero slightly used. It was a modern set of equipment. Kasali sa proposal ang service maintenance ng mga makina sa loob ng dalawang taon. Guaranteed din na ang mga spare parts, in case na masira, mahahanap ng mga ito.
“Look at the other set of documents.”
She did. Nasa ilalim ng quotation ang isang plano para sa building. It would cost her nine million pesos, but it was the best plan she had ever seen. Mama-maximize ang space at magkakaroon siya ng income sa unahan ng building na puwedeng parentahan. Bukas din sa ikalawang palapag ang plano, just in case she could afford it. Detalyado ang plano at maayos ang kontrata.
“You made my work easy for me,” sabi ni Blanca.
“It’s the least I can do.”
“Oh, my God.” She was overwhelmed. Siguro dahil noon lang may taong talagang naglaan ng panahon para tulungan siya. Siya pa rin ang magdedesisyon, pero ang mahirap na bahagi, hayun at tapos na para sa kanya. “You’ve outdone yourself, Dan. This is wonderful.”
“You still need to look it over.”
“Of course, but thank you so much. How did you even manage to find the equipment?”
“I have connections.” Kumindat si Daniel.
Parang gusto ni Blanca na yakapin ang lalaki. Kung puwede lang, pipirma na agad siya, pero alam niyang draft pa lang ang mga kontrata at kailangan pa niyang i-double check ang lahat, kabilang na ang mga kompanyang nakalista roon. Alam niyang hindi iyon malaking proyekto para sa malalaking kompanyang involved, pero malaki na ang lahat ng iyon para sa kanya. Everything she owned was at stake.
“Well, I’ll leave you here to study it. I have a meeting today. Let’s have dinner tomorrow night, all right?”
“I’m gonna miss you,” sabi ni Blanca kahit ayaw sana niya. Nagiging clingy na yata siya masyado. Madalas marinig ni Daniel mula sa kanya ang pangungusap na iyon, na parang ilang oras lang silang hindi magkita, gusto na uli niyang makita ang lalaki.
“I’m gonna miss you, too, honey.”
She kissed his lips. Hindi na siya nahiya. In fact, ang lahat ng kanyang kahihiyan, noong nakaraan pa yata pumuslit palabas ng bintana. She just woke up one day and decided to make her heart happy. And her heart was happy telling this man that she wanted to be with him.
Gumanti ng halik si Daniel. Naging mainit iyon. But damn it, the timing was terrible. Nasa loob sila ng kanyang opisina. Any time, some worker could come in. Walang lock ang pinto. Matagal na iyong sira at hindi na niya pinapalitan dahil wala namang dahilan para ikandado iyon. Wala siyang valuables sa office.
Bad timing was what their kiss was good at. O palagi ba silang biktima ng pagkakataon? Sometimes, all Blanca wanted to do was spend time with him. In bed. Who the hell was she kidding? She wanted him badly. She could feel her body yearning for him, like an open vessel, begging to be filled. Bago sa kanya ang mga sensasyong iyon, ang init. She was excited to explore everything with him, including sex. Pero palaging may interruption.
“Why haven’t you changed the locks yet?” bulong ni Daniel, may paghingal.
“Because I’m stupid,” sagot ni Blanca.
He smiled and stroked her cheek. “It’ll be a long night.”
“So why can’t we spend it together?”
Matagal siyang pinagmasdan ng lalaki sa puntong nag-init ang kanyang mukha.
“I meant, you know, if you’re not busy.”
“Unfortunately, the meeting will end late and the very next day, I have an early one as well.” Hinalikan siya ni Daniel, saka tumalikod na. He was out the door before she could collect her composure.
Blanca sighed and smiled seeing his letter on her desk. Iniipon niya ang lahat ng sulat sa kanya ni Daniel. Marami-rami na rin ang mga iyon, nakalagay sa isang box.
Dear Blanca,
Sometimes I wonder why we even need other people. I’m in a meeting, listening to this young man speak, his full presentation on the board. Somehow I can’t understand a word he’s saying because I can’t stop thinking about you.
I miss the way you smell, the way you taste. Next time, we better not borrow that little brat again.
Biglang natawa si Blanca. Naging joke na nila si Len-len, ang simbolo ng mga naantalang kaligayahan sa mundo. Hindi magandang gawing simbolo sa ganoon ang bata, pero paano nila iyon maiiwasan kung totoo? That little kid stayed up all night. Inakala niya noong una na mapapatulog nila agad si Len-len. She was excited to make love to Daniel again, and she vowed to stay quiet and check their mobile phones. Kailangang walang kahit na anong makakagulo sa kanila. Pero iba ang plano ng matabang bata.
Hanggang sa dumating ang puntong wala na silang energy ni Daniel na imulat ang mga mata. It was four in the morning, she remembered well. Pero si Len-len, parang nakainom ng Red Bull at nangungulit pa rin. Kahit anong paghehele nila, ayaw matulog ng makulit. The kid slept around five in the morning. Nakatulog na rin sina Blanca at Daniel at parehong nagising sa iyak ni Len-len. The brat took a smelly dump on her bed. Matapos silang puyatin sa kakulitan, ginising sila sa halimuyak ng ebak . There they were, scrambling to get out of the bed because the kid moved around a lot the night before and for some reason got the diaper loose. Kailangan nilang magmadaling makaiwas sa rumaragasang ebak . It was a runny one.
Blanca spent the morning cleaning her mattress. Hindi na pala kailangan dahil nang araw din na iyon, nagpa-deliver ng bago si Daniel. Ang lumang mattress, hiningi ng nanay ni Len-len na buong-pusong ibinigay ni Blanca. Lesson learned: huwag isama si Len-len sa mga romantic date dahil sisirain nito ang lahat. Isang preview iyon sa buhay-may-asawa. But then they would probably hire a nanny.
Bigla siyang napangiti, pero hindi na napahiya sa sarili. Nitong huli, hindi na niya kinokontra ang mga ganoong klaseng isipin. It was becoming clearer and clearer to her that Daniel was in it for the long haul. Hindi mag-i-invest nang ganoon sa kanya ang lalaki kung wala itong balak na pangmatagalang relasyon. Iyon din ang sabi sa kanya ni Helen na madalas na magpakuwento sa kanya.
Speaking of the devil, Helen called and said she was on her way. Tumuloy si Blanca sa bahay, dala ang dokumento. Mayamaya, dumating na si Helen, may dalang pagkain. The woman had a nice tan. Alam niyang kagagaling lang nito sa Boracay.
“So is his penis big?” agad na tanong ng kaibigan, ang version nito ng “hello.”
“Ano ka ba?” Napaingos si Blanca. Why must they always talk about sex anyway? Bigla tuloy na parang gusto niyang papuntahin si Daniel. Just thinking about the possibilities was making her feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in a sexual way. She wanted Daniel, that was the simple truth.
“Well, is it?” tanong uli ni Helen.
“I haven’t seen it yet.”
Pinagmasdan si Blanca ng kaibigan, isang tingin na puno ng pagdududa. Inirapan niya ito. Tumawa ang babae. “Oh, my God. Is he still dating you then? Ang tagal na ninyo, wala pa ring action na nangyayari?”
“Ano bang matagal?”
“My rule of thumb is do it on the second or third date. Sometimes I do it on the first date if I know he’s clean. Of course, I’d still ask him to use a condom.”
“Look.” Iniabot ni Blanca sa kaibigan ang proposal at quotation nang matigil na ang usapang-sex. She did not want to share that part with Helen or any other person anyway.
Pinagmasdan ng babae ang mga papeles. Tumango-tango ito. “You want me to ask my man to look into these?”
“That would be helpful. I’ll give you a copy.” Tumawag siya sa factory at nag-utos na ipa-photocopy ang mga dokumento. “So what’s new with you?”
“Except for my collagen injection?”
“That’s not new. You get that done every six months.”
Humalakhak si Helen. “Well, he proposed.”
Nabigla siya. “And?”
“I accepted.”
Hindi alam ni Blanca ang sasabihin. Paano nangyaring ang kaibigan niyang nangakong hindi na mag-aasawa kahit kailan, biglang nagbago ng isip? Natural na itinanong niya iyon at naging maiksi ang paliwanag nito.
“Darling, I want to keep him and that’s the only way to do it. I mean, he said it himself, he wants me forever. I’m not sure about forever, but he said if he can’t have me then he won’t waste his time so I said yes.”
Gustong mapangiwi ni Blanca. Mukhang magkaiba talaga sila ng prinsipyo pagdating sa pag-aasawa at pakikipagrelasyon. Paano nga ba magpakasal sa isang tao na ang motivation ay ayaw mo lang itong mawala sa tabi mo kahit malabnaw ang point of view mo sa kasal?
“How can that work? You two have very different ideas about marriage,” sabi niya.
“Oh, the expert speaks.”
“Totoo lang ang sinasabi ko. Me and Dan, we think alike. We’re both romantics.”
“I can see that. No sex yet? Are you sure he’s not gay?”
Tumirik ang mga mata ni Blanca. “Hindi lahat ng lalaki, sex ang gusto.”
“Oh, my dear sweetie.” Tumingin sa kanya si Helen na parang isang taong tuwang-tuwa na may halong pagkaawa sa isang tuta.
Hindi na lang umimik si Blanca. Hindi niya mababago ang isip ng kaibigan. May mga taong masyadong nadala sa nakarelasyon noon kaya wala nang paniniwala sa totoong ibig sabihin ng kasal.
Mayamaya, sinabi sa kanya ni Helen na siya raw ang maid of honor nito. Gaganapin sa beach ang kasal. Matagal pa naman daw. Umoo siya. Nagkuwentuhan pa sila at nang humapon, nagpaalam na rin ang babae. The house felt so empty. Isa lang ang gustong makasama roon ni Blanca, pero ayaw rin niyang abalahin si Daniel. She did not want to be too helpless and clingy.
Nag-search na lang siya sa Google tungkol sa mga kompanyang nasa likod ng quotation at proposal. Maganda ang reputasyon ng construction firm, ang supplier naman ng makina ay matagal na ring supplier at maraming affiliates. Everything seemed legit. Siyempre, kailangan pa niyang makita ang mga makina bago iyon bilhin. She was sure Daniel did all the homework for her though. Hindi ang lalaki ang tipo ng taong magbibigay ng malasadong dokumento.
Kinabukasan, maagang gumising si Blanca at tumulak papuntang Manila Memorial Park. Bumili siya ng bulaklak sa daan. Hindi pa nagtagal, nasa tapat na siya ng musoleo ng mga magulang.
“You will be very happy to know that I’ve met a nice man, Papa, Mama. He is everything you’ll ever want. I love him. I’m so in love with him, Mama. He is wonderful. He’s exactly what you’ve told me to look for.” Napangiti siya at napaluha rin nang maalala ang mga bilin ng ina noon. Her mother was a romantic. Palagi nitong sinasabi sa kanya noon na ang pinakaimportante raw sa isang kapareha ay ang pagmamahal niyon sa kanya. If other mothers were warning their children about strangers, her mother warned her about men who were not going to be good enough for her. Ang kanyang ama naman ang nagbigay ng warning noon tungkol sa mga mapagsamantalang tao.
Hindi masyadong natupad ni Blanca ang bilin ng ama, pero mukhang natupad naman niya ang bilin ng ina. Mayamaya pa, tinawag niya ang katiwala nila roon. Maraming hawak na puntod at musoleo ang matanda at buwanan ay may natatanggap na bayad mula sa kanya. Nag-general cleaning sila. Madali lang iyong gawin dahil malinis ang musoleo.
She smiled as she looked at the tombs. Magkatabi ang mga iyon, makintab ang lapida. Ikinuwento niya roon si Mitchell, ang factory, pero palaging nauuwi ang lahat kay Daniel. Blanca left the place after lunch. Magaan ang kanyang pakiramdam. Everything was slowly falling into place. Nagtagal man ang lahat, sa wakas, nagiging maayos na rin. Wala siyang dapat ipag-alala. Nandoon si Daniel. He made her feel secured. Alam niyang kahit anong mangyari, tutulungan siya nito. He was doing it now. Kung noon siguro, hindi siya makakatulog sa stress sa pag-iisip kung ano ang gagawin sa factory, ngayon, kalmado siya. It was a big step but she was ready now. It was about time.
Dumaan si Blanca sa delicatessen. Hindi na siya nagtangkang bumili ng mga pagkaing hindi kayang lutuin. She could be anything, except a cook. She bought bread. Daniel loved bread. Dumaan din siya sa isang restaurant at bumili ng panghapunan. She went home and set the mood. That night was going to be the night.
Inihanda niya ang mesa, inihanda ang sarili. She wore a nice lingerie underneath her simple dress. Ni sa hinagap, hindi niya naisip na magagamit ang isa sa mga regalo ni Helen sa kanya.
Mayamaya, nag-text si Daniel. On the way na raw ito. She sprayed some perfume, a mild scent she loved, and lit some candles. Nang marinig ang doorbell, tumingin muna si Blanca sa salamin, inayos ang cleavage para masigurong nakalantad iyon, saka binuksan ang pinto.
Kumunot ang noo ni Daniel, saka sumilip sa kabuuan ng bahay. He looked at her again. “You’re stunning.”
“What, this old thing?” sabi ni Blanca, hinawakan ang dress sa magkabilang balikat, kabado. “Come in. How are you?”
“Hot.”
“W-what?”
“I want you.”
“I want you, too…”
Kinabig siya ni Daniel at hinalikan sa mga labi. Isinara nito ang pinto gamit ang paa. He kissed her while they were moving. Nakarating sila sa kuwarto ni Blanca. Maingat siya nitong inalalayan sa kama, saka hinubad ang kanyang dress. Her lingerie was red, lacey.
“You’re beautiful,” he said.
Muling naglapat ang kanilang mga labi, pero mabilis na bumaba sa leeg ni Blanca ang mga labi ni Daniel. He kissed her there… Or was he tasting her skin? He was definitely using his tongue, she was sure. It was so erotic. Naramdaman niya ang kamay nito sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita.
“You want me, indeed,” he said.
Her body couldn’t lie. He took off all her clothes. There she was, bare naked in front of him. There was admiration in his eyes and raw hunger for her. It was enough to drive her wild. She had never felt sexier, more desired.
“I want to see you. All of you,” she said.
Daniel took off his shirt, and then his trousers. She gasped. The anticipation was almost driving her insane. And then he took off the last article of clothing he had on. He was beautiful. Like a Roman god. Hinalikan siya nito. He held her hands up, kissing her arm, slowly, as if teasing her.
His lips moved down to her ear, her neck… her breasts. Blanca was panting now, wild with desire. His lips knew exactly how to tease the taut peaks of her breasts. He flicked his tongue over and around it before sucking gently, hungrily.
“Oh, God…” she murmured.
Bumaba sa kanyang katawan ang mga labi ni Daniel. Soon, he was kissing her inner thighs, moving closer to his target. She gasped feeling his tongue lick the part between her legs, as if letting it know what it was about to do. He dipped his tongue inside, finding the spot that needed stroking. He did stroke it with his tongue. Blanca couldn’t help but arch her back to meet his face, giving him better access.
As his tongue was busy giving her pleasure, his finger didn’t waste any time. Daniel slipped one into her and allowed it to make smooth vibrating motions, all the while his tongue was busy flicking her sensitive spot. She felt like screaming after a while, but the only thing that came out of her lips was a soft moan.
Her toes curled, her legs stiffened, her pelvis out of control. She came again and again.
“Oh, stop,” Blanca said, feeling so sensitive, as if she couldn’t handle any more pleasure.
Daniel did and stroked her cheek before thrusting deep. The timing was perfect. She came again. He kept thrusting, building up yet again another climax. When it came, she uttered his name as he kissed her lips with his final thrust. He moaned and burried his face on her neck.
“Blanca…”
She held onto him tightly. This was something so beautiful, something she would cherish forever. Pero marami pang darating, alam ni Blanca. Hindi niya alam kung kaninong tibok ng puso ang naririnig—sa kanya ba o kay Daniel. This was real. This was as real as it could get.
He rolled over and hugged her tightly. She relished his warmth. She would like to be with him forever, if that was possible at all. Isiniksik niya ang katawan dito. And there she found peace. She fell asleep.
Nang magising, wala na sa tabi ni Blanca si Daniel at hindi maipaliwanag na kaba ang una niyang reaksiyon. Sa loob ng ilang sandali, hindi niya kayang ipaliwanag kung saan nanggagaling ang kaba sa kanyang dibdib. Para siyang natakot, parang may kung anong masamang kutob. She had to shake the feeling away. Bumangon siya at nagsuot ng robe. Paglabas, nakita niya ang lalaki sa kusina. Mukhang hindi nito napansin ang paglabas niya ng kuwarto.
Daniel seemed to be so deep in thought. May tasa ng kape sa harap nito. Parang ang sarap sanang basahin kung ano ang nasa isip ng lalaki.
“Dan?”
“Oh.” Pinagmasdan siya nito. “Hungry?”
“A bit. Ano’ng iniisip mo?”
“Some business plans.”
“Oh.” Naglakad si Blanca palapit. “Would you like to tell me about it?”
“Nope. It’s boring. Let’s talk about your business plans.”
“All right. I plan to view the items I’ll be buying before I sign any contracts. Tatawagan ko sa Monday iyong contact person.”
“That’s great. That’s great.”
“I know it is.” Ngumiti si Blanca, kahit bigla na namang may kabang nakapa sa dibdib. Siguro, mas nakakatakot kung hindi man lang siya kakabahan. It was normal. This was the best thing that happened to her. Daniel was the best thing that happened to her. Hindi niya pangungunahan ng takot ang lahat ng kanyang mga simula. She was breaking free from all her doubts and fears. It should be a beautiful thing. She was trying to convince herself that it was a brave and bold thing to do, something she should have done many years ago… Ang problema, hindi mawala sa sistema ni Blanca ang takot. Pero kung palagi siyang pangungunahan niyon, ano ang mararating niya? Wala. Wala siyang balak sirain ang pagkakataong iyon.