“A NO BA ang plano ninyong dalawa ni Daniel, magbahay-bahayan? Ano ba ang balak mo kay Edward?”
Hindi alam ni Blanca kung paano sasagutin ang mga tanong na iyon ni Yaya Dahlia. Mahirap para sa kanya ang sumagot dahil una, hindi niya naman alam kung ano ba sila ni Daniel. O baka alam niya, pero ayaw lang niyang aminin. May tensiyon sa pagitan nila, nararamdaman niya iyon. Hindi lang siya ang nakakaramdam kundi pati ang mga mananahi. Kaya nga siguro tumigil na ang mga ito sa kakabanggit kay Edward.
Magtatatlong linggo na sa bahay niya si Daniel. Hindi nila napag-uusapan kung ano ang magiging sitwasyon. Ayaw niyang magtanong ito dahil kapag ganoon, baka mapilitan siyang sabihin na kailangan nitong umalis, tulad ng dapat siguro nitong gawin. Pero ayaw niya.
Kung minsan, napakatanga na ang tingin ni Blanca sa sarili dahil may nabuo na namang pag-asa sa kanyang dibdib. Ang hirap kasing makita ni Daniel sa araw-araw at pilitin ang sariling isipin na hindi na niya ito gusto. As far as she was concerned, his reason for leaving them was valid. Lalo na at alam niya ang dahilan kung bakit nawala ang ina ng lalaki. Kung siya ang nalagay sa katulad na sitwasyon, baka ganoon din ang kanyang ginawa.
“Wala naman po kami ni Edward.”
“Pero hindi alam ni Daniel,” sabi ni Yaya Dahlia.
“Hindi naman po siya nagtatanong.”
“At hindi rin nakatulong na itong mga malditang mananahi, eh, puro tukso noon. `Buti nga mga nagsitigil na, eh. Ano ba ang sabi ni Daniel tungkol sa inyong dalawa?”
“Si Yaya, masyadong umaasa.”
Umismid si Yaya Dahlia. “Paano naman, anak, naiinip na ako. Ano na ang edad mo, gusto ko sanang magkaroon ka ng katuwang sa buhay. Alam mo, mahirap mag-asawa, pero kung ang asawa mo naman, mahal ka, masaya. Mahirap na masaya.”
“Hindi ko po alam kung iisipin ko pa ang ganyan, Yaya.” Isa pa, nagsimula sila ni Daniel sa hindi maganda. Pundasyon ba iyon? It was a complicated situation. Feelings were hurt, trust was broken. Could they make something out of what they had? Hindi niya alam.
Nagpunta na lang si Blanca sa sala at nakita roon si Daniel, nakikipaglaro sa anak. “There’s Mama. Look, Sam, Mama is so pretty today.”
“Thank you.” Napangiti si Blanca. May kakausapin siyang tao nang araw na iyon. Maiiwan si Daniel kasama si Baby Sam. Parang ayaw na nitong mawalay sa anak at naiintindihan niya iyon. Kahit siya ang umalis sa umaga, sa gabi, ang anak ang una niyang gustong makita.
“By the way, nakausap ko iyong may-ari ng bahay diyan sa itaas. Ibinebenta pala niya `yon. I was thinking of buying it so I won’t be a pest here.”
Gustong sabihin ni Blanca na hindi kaabalahan si Daniel, na welcome ito, pero kailangan niyang maging realistic. Ang simpleng katotohanan ay magkaiba ang mga buhay nila. Isa pa, alangan namang buong buhay nito, sa sala niya matulog. He used her room to change, to take a shower and all that, but mostly he stayed in the living room. Kung minsan nga, parang gusto niyang sabihin kay Daniel na maglatag na lang sa kuwarto niya, para at least hindi init na init sa sala yaman din lang na ito ang nagpa-install ng A/C. Pero naisip niyang hindi iyon magiging tama.
“That’s great then. Iyong malaking bahay?”
“No, the small one with a huge land behind it. Malawak pala ang likod, halos isang ektarya. I miss farming.”
She guessed that was how it was really going to be.
Tumango na lang si Blanca at nagpaalam na rin. Lumakad na siya. Maayos ang kanyang naging lakad at maaga rin nakauwi. Nasa bahay na siya bago maghapunan. Mukhang alam na ng lahat na bibilhin ni Daniel ang kalapit na lupain. It was a stone’s throw away. But it was not her house.
Maglilipat daw si Daniel kapag na-settle na ang lahat. Baka raw sa loob ng isang buwan o isang buwan at kalahati. Well, at least they still have that. To what? To what?! Hindi rin niya alam ang sagot.
Nang matapos ang hapunan, nag-stay si Blanca sa sala. Gising pa si Baby Sam, pero pinatulog na niya ang yaya. Permanente na ang unan at kumot sa sofa mula nang dumating si Daniel. She actually made him sleep there.
“Kailan ka dadalaw kay Mitchell?” tanong nito.
“Next weekend.”
“Gusto ko sana siyang kausapin.”
“Oh?”
“Some kind of closure, perhaps. Does he know about me?”
Tumango si Blanca. “May kakilala naman akong madalas magpunta doon. Puwede kong ipasabi sa kanya.”
“Thank you. Now, give me that cute baby.”
Iniabot niya rito si Baby Sam. Gustong gumapang ng bata kaya mayamaya pa, tatlo na silang nasa foam. Gising na gising pa si Baby Sam, pero alam ni Blanca na mayamaya lang, aantukin na ito.
“Can you believe we have made another human being?” biglang sabi ni Daniel.
Natawa si Blanca. “It can be overwhelming.”
“Thank you for her.” Inabot ni Daniel ang kamay niya at pinisil. She looked at him. Nagtama ang kanilang mga mata.
Magkakasunod ang naging paglunok ni Blanca. She had to admit she missed kissing his lips. She missed making love to him. She was only human. She sometimes wished he was touching her, making her feel hot like he did before. She was sure he was going to kiss her, but he did not.
Binitiwan ni Daniel ang kanyang kamay at hinarap ang kanilang anak na agad nitong binuhat. “I think the baby is tired.”
“Time for bed.”
Karga ni Daniel ang anak hanggang sa kuwarto ni Blanca. Marunong na sa lahat ng gawaing pambata si Daniel. Ito ang nagpatulog kay Baby Sam na madali lang gawin kapag ganoong pagod ang bata. Nang himbing na si Baby Sam, nakangiting humarap sa kanya si Daniel.
“Good night, Blanca.”
“G-good night.” Magkakasunod ang naging paglunok ni Blanca. He was once again looking her in the eye, as if he was planning on kissing her. Pero tulad kanina, hindi gumawa ng paraan si Daniel para maglapat ang kanilang mga labi. He left the room. She sighed.
ANG INASAHAN ni Daniel sa pagkikita nilang muli ni Mitchell ay isang banayad na negatibong pakiramdam. Handa siyang kontrolin iyon at huwag hayaang mangibabaw, sakali man. But when he saw the man again, he was surprised to find out that he felt no negative feelings toward Mitchell. Hindi niya inasahan na makikita ang lalaki na nakangiti sa kanya. He was not as fit as he remembered him to be. Medyo tumaba si Mitchell. Pero ang isang bagay na talagang hindi niya inasahan sa lalaki ay ang tila totoong ngiti sa mukha nito. The smile seemed so genuine he wondered how one could still do that being in a place like Bilibid.
“Matagal kitang hinintay,” sabi nito, nakangiti pa rin. “I’m glad you came. How have you been?”
“Do you know who I am?”
“Of course. Nakita ko ang pictures ninyo ni Baby Sam.”
“Cell phones are allowed?”
“Kay Ate. You can get anything done here if you know who to talk to anyway.”
Tumango si Daniel. “I never pictured I’d be talking to you in a place like this, I have to admit.”
“Well, things happen for a reason. Ang sabi ni Ate, gusto mo raw akong kausapin.”
“Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. I have to be honest, I thought I’d hate you when I see you. But I don’t.”
“I’ve prayed for it. Besides, I am your daughter’s uncle. Gustong-gusto ko ngang makita si Baby Sam, pero ang sabi ko kay Ate, `wag nang dalhin dito. One day I will get out and see her finally… Gusto mo bang pag-usapan ang nangyari noon? Hindi ako nakapag-sorry sa `yo.”
“It’s okay. Matagal na panahon na.”
“You need to hear it, my apology. I was young and stupid and arrogant. You were not supposed to be given anything, Caleb.” Doon sa pangalang iyon siya nito kilala, tulad ng ibang nakakakilala sa kanya mula sa college. Bibihira lang ang tumatawag ng “Daniel” sa kanya. “But you were.”
“Did you ever talk to Sharon after?”
“Yes. As a matter of fact, I have. Just a few months ago. Pinadalhan ko siya ng sulat. Madali naman siyang makita. I asked someone to look her up. May pamilya na siya ngayon. I don’t think she actually blamed me for anything. She mostly blamed herself. We exchanged a few letters. Nabanggit niya na nakausap ka niya noon sa social media. She said she might have been a little bit rude to you.”
“It’s fine. But why would she blame herself?”
“We do a lot of stupid things in our lives, Caleb. She did it that night as well. She took some E that was given to her—”
“What do you mean? I remember seeing her say no to the beer.”
“Right. You passed out. She soon started to party after you passed out. She said she wanted to try everything once. She passed out as well, and we got scared. We took you and her in the car, I called my sister, she called people. It was a horrible night for everyone.”
Hindi agad nakapagsalita si Daniel. Mayamaya, nasabi niya, “So that’s why Sharon didn’t press charges. I’ve always wondered why.”
“Yes. I thought you would though. But you left the country,” sabi ni Mitchell.
“Did you tell your sister about this?” Isang estupidong tanong iyon, pero kailangan pa rin niyang malaman.
“Of course. Why?”
“She never mentioned your version of the story. I thought you put drugs in the motel room.”
“How can I do that? I didn’t have any with me. I was broke, come on, Caleb. You of all people should know. I took your money because I didn’t have any. And it wasn’t much. Tumigil din akong gawin iyon sa `yo. You were my only victim. It’s not like I bullied everyone for money. I’m sorry about that, too, by the way. I’m sorry I made friends with those people. I’m sorry I made your life miserable. I have no excuse, except I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to impress people, to be popular. College life.”
Nagpatuloy sa kuwento ang lalaki tungkol sa nangyari sa buhay nito. He told him stories about him and his sister. Lalo lang humanga si Daniel kay Blanca. Habang tumatagal, lalo rin siyang na-guilty sa ginawa sa babae. He made her pay for crimes she did not even commit.
“Alam mo, matagal ko nang ipinagdadasal si Ate. Minsan pumunta siya rito, sinabi niya na nawala ang kompanya at ikaw nga ang dahilan.”
“You must hate me.”
“For a few days, I have to admit I was frustrated that I couldn’t be there for my sister. I was a bit mad, too. Si Ate kasi `yon, eh. Alam mo, pangalawa sa Diyos, mahal na mahal ko ang kapatid ko. Pero nagdasal lang ako. Sa lahat ng ito, Siya lang ang nakakapitan ko. Kung napatawad Niya ako sa lahat ng kasalanan ko, sino ako para magalit pa rin sa `yo? May kasalanan din naman kami sa `yo, may dahilan para magalit ka. Iyon lang, naisip ko noon na sana sa akin na lang kasi ako naman ang may kasalanan.”
“I’m very sorry.”
“Okay lang, Caleb. Ganoon talaga ang mundo. Pero at least ngayon, may anak na kayo ni Ate. Noong huling dalaw niya sa akin, mukhang masaya siya. Naniniwala akong plano ng Diyos lahat ito. Mula pa noon. Mula pa noon na noon. Everything will be okay. In God’s perfect time.”
Nag-usap pa sila. Nagtanong si Mitchell kung ano raw ang plano niya. Magaan ang naging usapan nila, kahit mabigat ang loob ni Daniel sa mga nagawa. Mitchell talked about his life after college, the crime he was serving time for, his girlfriend. Hindi siya makakita ng kahit na anong palatandaan na nagsisinungaling ito dahil walang dahilan. He seemed happy. In fact, he said he was glad to be incarcerated or he would never have found God. Daniel believed him. He could see it in Mitchell. And he thought how ironic to see a man behind bars having peace of mind and was actually a lot freer than he ever was.
Nagpaalam na rin siya rito mayamaya at tumulak pabalik sa Cavite. Kung siya ang papipiliin, ayaw niyang umalis sa bahay ni Blanca kahit kailan, pero nagsisimula na siyang mapahiya, kahit sa sarili. Lalaki si Baby Sam na makikitang ang ama nito ay nakikitira lang sa mama nito. Ang mga mananahi, nakikitang nakikitira lang siya kay Blanca. Ayaw niyang makaramdam ng kahihiyan ang kanyang anak para doon. Isa pa, hindi deserve ni Blanca ang tumanggap ng isang permanent tenant na walang renta, kahit pa sagot niya ang utilities ng bahay. It was his obligation as a parent. Hindi niya kailangang maningil sa pamamagitan ng pagtira nang libre sa bahay ni Blanca.
Dumaan muna siya sa grocery at namili bago tumuloy sa bahay. Nabigla siya nang maabutan si Edward Ting. Ipinakilala siya rito ni Blanca. Kinamayan ni Daniel ang lalaki, kahit aminadong hindi masaya sa pangyayari. He wanted to be happy for Blanca, it was the least he could do for all the trouble he caused her. But he couldn’t. Siguro, hindi pa ngayon. Sana dumating ang panahon na masasabi niyang masaya siya para kay Blanca kahit nasa piling na ito ng iba.
Edward was a lucky man. Sana alam nito agad ang bagay na iyon. He seemed like a smart fellow, he must know. And if he was as smart as he seemed, he would marry Blanca. Something that he should have done before had he known everything. Had he set aside his vindictiveness and look at what he actually had.
Sabay-sabay silang naghapunan. Kailangang aminin ni Daniel na mukhang mabait si Edward. Hindi rin ito naiilang sa mga mananahi o kahit sa simpleng pagkain sa hapag. Nagpaalam din ang lalaki pagkatapos.
He took a shower and took care of the baby. Pinatulog niya si Baby Sam, nakikiramdam kay Blanca na nasa loob din ng kuwarto. Nang makatulog ang bata, hindi niya maiwasang magtanong. “Did he ask what I was doing here?”
“No.”
“Kung magkakaproblema, puwede ko naman siyang kausapin.”
“Hindi magkakaproblema.”
“If you say so. He seems like a good guy.”
“He is.”
“If he’s really smart he will marry you. Like I should have before.”
HALOS mapatulala si Blanca sa sinabi ni Daniel. Dinadaya lang ba siya ng pandinig? May ipinakain bang kung ano rito si Mitchell?
“What?” tanong niya.
“You heard me.”
“When was this ‘before’?”
“Back when you were madly in love with me.”
“It would have ended badly. You were in it for revenge.”
“I was. And it was stupid. May tanong lang ako. Bakit kahit kailan hindi mo sinabi sa akin ang version ni Mitchell ng kuwento? You know, that night when it all happened.”
“Para saan? Para i-justify ang mali naming magkapatid? Nagkamali kami. Because of that, Sharon almost died. Because of that, your mother…” Napabuntong-hininga si Blanca. “I still feel horrible when I remember, Dan. I’m very sorry.”
“I found out earlier. It made me feel like shit.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? Mitchell didn’t give Sharon or me the drugs. He didn’t leave the drugs in the room. And I spent most of my adult life thinking he’s the most evil person in the world. Him and you. And I’ve been so stupid and blinded that I did horrible things I can’t possibly correct anymore. I mean, sure I planned on giving you back what I took plus interest, but that would never be enough. The least I can do is be happy for you because you seem to have found a good guy, but I can’t even do that. I think it’s pretty clear who’s the real evil person here and it’s not you.”
“You did what you felt you had to do.”
“And it’s horrible.”
“It makes sense somehow… Do you still hate me?” tanong ni Blanca.
“No. How can you even say that?” sabi ni Daniel.
“Kasasabi mo lang na hindi mo makuhang maging masaya para sa akin.”
“Because I want you for myself, Blanca. Because my plan all backfired. I fell in love with the enemy, who’s actually not an enemy. In the end, it’s all my fault.”
Matagal bago nakapagsalitang muli si Blanca sa labis na pagkabigla. “You f-fell in love with me?”
“I love you, Blanca. I have never loved any woman as much as I love you. Nakakalungkot lang isipin na hindi best foot forward ang nagawa ko. I actually showed you the worst side of me, the side I never even thought to be as horrible.”
“Shut up.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, shut up and kiss me.”
Mukhang si Daniel naman ang nabigla, pero agad na lumapit sa kanya, siguro dahil nakita ang kanyang mga luha. Agad siya nitong niyakap. “I’m very sorry, Blanca.”
“How many times do I need to tell you to shut up and kiss me?”
Pinagmasdan siya ni Daniel, matagal. Sinalubong niya ang mga mata nito. It took a few moments before he understood. Mabilis nitong ikinulong sa mga kamay ang kanyang mukha, saka siya hinalikan sa mga labi. He kissed her for what seemed like an eternity, until he stopped.
“Wait, Edward was just here.”
“He’s a friend. May pinuntahan din daw siya diyan sa Nuvali kaya dumaan na rito. He needs to take good care of me because I am his latest gold mine. Well, our baby is, BSC is. Gusto niyang maging exclusive distributor ng BSC sa buong Southeast Asia kaya nanliligaw. We dated, but on our third date, we both realized it’s never going to work. How can it when I’m still in love with the father of my baby?”
“Oh, Blanca…” Hinaplos nito ang kanyang mga pisngi, saka siya muling hinalikan. “I love you so much.”
“I know that now.”
They kissed some more and soon, they were moving quickly to feel each other up. Tumigil si Daniel, saka nagmamadaling lumapit sa crib. “Do you think Digna will mind if Sam sleeps in her room tonight?”
Natawa si Blanca. “I doubt it.”
Maingat nitong binuhat ang anak at lumabas.
Nagmamadaling nag-shower si Blanca, pero hindi pa man siya natatapos, naroon na si Daniel. They made love under the shower, on her bed, against the wall. Hindi na niya alam kung anong oras nakatulog sa mga bisig ni Daniel at nagising na katabi pa rin ito.
“Good morning,” nakangiti nitong sabi.
“Good morning. What time is it?”
“Ten.”
“Walang nang-istorbo?”
Umiling si Daniel. They made love again and took a shower. Alas-dose na sila nakalabas ng kuwarto at sabay na natawa nang makita sa sala ang lahat. Bihirang tumambay sa sala ang mga mananahi, pero ngayon, lahat ng mga ito, naroon at nakatingin lang sa kanila, parang mga fans na naghihintay sa sasabihin ng mga idol.
“Ako na ang magtatanong,” prisinta ni Aling Yolly. “Ano, ayos na ba ang buto-buto?”
Tumingin kay Blanca si Daniel, saka siya hinalikan sa mga labi. The room was filled with cheers and laughter. Itinaas-taas ni Digna si Baby Sam na tawa rin nang tawa na akala mo naiintindihan ang lahat. Nilapitan na nina Blanca at Daniel si Baby Sam. Binuhat ni Daniel ang anak. Blanca kissed her chubby cheeks.
This was a moment she would probably remember forever.