The first thing I remembered was the coldness of the river right when I hit it. In an instance, I was sucked into oblivion. I wasn’t sure if my eyes were open or closed. I couldn't see anything. Just laying in darkness or maybe I was floating. I can’t tell.
Where am I? Was I in heaven? Though I never thought I would be invited with the whole abortion failure. Would the Goddess take it out on me? I couldn’t tell if I was actually moving. I couldn’t see myself. Is heaven just a black abyss?
In the back of what I thought was my mind I heard something. Was it water? I think it was water. I felt cold. I never felt this cold before. I was beginning to feel numb. Was I dead? I have to be dead. Wait, if I’m dead then…
Oh please, please Goddess, keep my baby alive. He’s innocent in all this. I’m the stupid one. Please.
I reach out for anybody to hear. Nina, Isaiah, Isabella, my parents, anyone. I needed to keep him alive. I tried to reach for him, to feel him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I cried, I screamed and heard nothing. I was lost in nothing. Lost with no one to help.
“HELP,” I screamed. I knew no one would hear but it was all I had left.
“Zira…” A very soft voice whispered.
I turned towards the voice and saw a light. It was dim but noticeable. I was able to see my hands then my arms and legs. I was sitting down. I sat there staring at this little light. I think it was calling to me so I got up. It was painful at first but I pushed through it and moved towards the light. I started slowly and the light started to fade.
No!”
It was hard but I started to run. It felt like I was wading through quicksand and tiny pine needles pricking at my skin but I wasn’t stopping. I needed to get to the light. The pain was almost unbearable,wearing me down. I reached out and a small light grabbed my hand. The moment the light touched me, the pain was gone.
The small light held onto my hand and pulled me through the darkness to Nina. Nina was shackled down by chains. What the hell? Who did this? Who was keeping her lockdown? Was it Alaia? Or was it me? Was I mentally keeping her shackled?
I could feel my mind spiraling. I did this to her. To us. I constantly put our baby in harm's way rather, it was me or some jealous witch. If I wasn’t so weak, we would have never been in this situation.
“Zira, you need to stop with the self pity and help me-help us,” she whimpered.
I touched the chains surrounding her and pulled back from the burn. The chains were silver. I looked around to see if there was something I could use but there was nothing.
“They’re silver,” I cried.
Nina growled loudly and pushed against the chains as if she was lunging at me. “Stop being a wuss. You’ve become such a whiner,” Nina snapped at me.
I looked at her with a shocked expression. I mean we butt hands before but she’s never growled at me like this before. I didn’t have the right to be mad. She was right. Despite the hormonal mood swings, I’ve been very emotional for no reason-crying at every little thing.
Well no more. I wiped away my tears and stepped back to look at the situation. My hands still had the burns from the silver chains. The light touched my hands and they instantly healed.
“Zira, hurry,” Nina growled as she strained against the chains.
I can do this. I can do this. “I'm going to do this.”
I took a few deep breaths to hype myself up before pulling at the chains wrapped around Nina. The light was touching my hands trying it best to heal them but the pain was pushing through. I didn't let go, just pulled harder and harder until the chains broke away. I fell back, trying to control my breathing.
I was staring up at darkness before the little light appeared in my vision. I sat up to see it swirl around Nina a few times before disappearing inside of me. I ran and hugged Nina. There aren’t many chances you could hug your wolf so I took this opportunity. Her light gray fur was so soft.
“I'm sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I’m st-”
“Alright, alright. Stop trying to make me feel better. We have to get back out there.”
“Right,” I said, standing up and immediately falling back down. My body felt weak and heavy. “Nina, something’s wrong. I can’t-I can’t-”
I tried standing up again and fell to the ground. My eyes were starting to get heavy. I saw Nina hovering over me. I tried to fight to keep my eyes open, tried to reach out for Nina but everything felt like I was sinking. I felt a flutter inside my stomach and I panicked. I looked up at Nina.
“Is he okay? Nina, I can’t tell if he’s okay?”
I started to panic more. I knew it. I f.ucked up and now my baby is going to pay the price. Nina was going to pay the price. All because I was weak and I didn’t fight hard enough.
“It’s okay, Zira. You can let go now. I’ll do it for us.”
Let go? Let go of what? I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to ask Nina but even my lips felt glued shut. I wanted to tell her I was scared. I didn't want to lose her. I didn’t want to lose him. I didn't want to be alone again.
“It’s okay, Zira. Just let go.” I heard Nina say as I gave into the darkness.
NINA
The moment Zira let go I took control of our body. She wasn’t strong enough for me to shift but that was fine. I opened my eyes and felt a current pull against our body. I touched my stomach and searched for him. It was faint but the warmth was there. He was a fighter, my boy, my pup. Zira on the other hand needed help. I can feel her slowly fading away and I couldn’t have that.
I looked up and noticed the coat was stuck on a rock. I quickly looked around to see how close I was to land. Only about a few feet away. That was good. I carefully took off the scarf and turned it into a lasso. I had to be careful but moved quickly. I could feel the weariness trying to settle in. I have to be strong. For Zira. For our baby.
After fixing the lasso, I searched for some place to lasso onto that’s closer to land. The cold water was slowly combating the heat of my body, making me feel sluggish. Then I spotted a thick branch a little ways down that I could latch onto.
I took a few deep breaths before pulling at the coat. It was stuck between the rocks pretty well and I didn’t have the strength to pull it all the way. I opened the coat and struggled out of it. Immediately the current pulled me with it. I didn’t waste time to lasso on the branch. It came faster than suspected but I was able to catch on. I tried to pull us closer but didn't account for the strength of the current. I could feel my hands slipping until it slipped through my fingers.
Our last hope slipped right through my fingers. We moved quickly down the river and I focused on dodging the rocks. Every branch or log that passed my way was just out of reach.
It's okay, Nina. Just focus on staying afloat, I thought to myself.
Easier said than done. I would think being pregnant would add some sort of buoyancy. I tried getting closer to land but the current would pull me back in. Maybe we’ll be lucky to find another branch and hopefully before I fall asleep. I knew this was from Zira. She was tired from all of this.
Zira, please. Just stay a little longer, I begged her.
I know I talk a big game but I was nothing without her. She didn't know it but she’s my rock. She’s the reason I can be a bitch and be okay with it. I can’t lose her. I mustered up whatever strength I had left and swam hard against the current. I was getting closer. I got this. I got this. I was only a few feet away when I lost my momentum.
I extended my claws and held on the ground at the shallow end. I was so close. So close to safety, but I could feel my claw losing its grip in the dirt below.
Sorry, Zira gurl. I tried. I really did.
I felt my claws giving up one by one. That’s when I heard it. Someone was coming. It gave me enough energy to hold one just a little bit longer.
Zira, do you sense that? I think we’re saved. We just have to hold on a little-
My grip let go of the dirt and I felt myself being carried along with the current. All my hope to save us flew away in that instance. I’m sorry Zira. I’m sorry baby. I tried. I really did try.