It’s been a while since I had a nightmare like this. I was lucky that James decided to check in on us. I don’t know what I would have done. After a few minutes of crying into his chest, he got up to get me something to clean my face.
I walked over to check on Zacharias, who was wide awake and probably hungry. I checked the time and it was close to three in the morning which meant I only got two hours of sleep. James returned with a warm towel that I used to wipe my face with.
“Thank you.”
“Of course,” he replied, sitting at the edge of my bed, making sure there was distance between us.
I got out of bed and went over to pick up Arais. I walked around the room, rocking and cuddling him until I came upon the door on the floor. Can’t believe he actually bust the door down I thought with a smile.
“You were screaming in your sleep, Zira. I had no choice,” James said while shrugging his shoulders.
After a while, I finally got Arias down for a nap which would probably last for a few hours. I was still shaken up from the dream but I knew if he was sleeping I should try to get rest as well. I turned to see James staring at me and suddenly I felt very nervous. Was this from him or me?
“I should try to sleep,” I said, walking to bed and getting in the covers.
“Right,” James said, getting up. “I’ll leave then.”
He walked towards his room and I could already feel my heartbeats starting to rise.
“Wait,” I yelled. I wasn’t sure where I was going but I knew I didn’t want him to leave. He stared at me, waiting for me to respond while I was racking my brain. What did I want?
“Thank you,” I blurted out. “For helping me and helping Arias.”
James laughed a little. “I should say the same. I was having a pretty strange dream myself.”
“If you need to talk about it-”
“No,” he said, quickly. “I…um…it was about…well-”
“I understand.”
We were quiet for a minute, looking at nothing in particular. I knew I didn’t want to be close to him but having him near was…calming. I was afraid to close my eyes but I was so tired. Training and taking care of Arias was taxing, especially since I didn’t trust anyone to babysit him. The only reason I leave at midnight is because I know James is next door. I knew he was sneaking here to watch over Arias. James cleared his throat and broke the silence.
“I’ll let you get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow.”
“Oh I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep you here.”
“Don’t be, Zira. It’s always a pleasure.”
He turned again to leave. I closed my eyes and against my better judgment, I whispered something. It was loud enough for him to hear but for me to believe I didn’t say it. I could tell he was looking at me. Probably trying to figure out if I meant it.
“What did you just say,” he asked.
I didn’t want to say it out loud but I knew it was the only way. I opened my eyes and looked at him. I took a deep breath and contemplated on if I should ask him again.
“I’m really tired, James, and your presence is…calming. So if you don’t mind, could you stay a bit?” His eyes lit up for a moment. “Until I fall asleep of course.”
He didn’t move. Just continue to look at me as if I had grown another head. Was this ask so absurd? I got so irritated by his demeanor that I turned away and buried myself in the covers feeling embarrassed. It was stupid.
A few more minutes passed by before I felt a dip in the bed. I peeked out to see him curled up on the other side with his back to me. I reached out to touch him but stopped myself in time. I turned over and closed my eyes. I had to remind myself that this is as far as we could go. He was in love with someone else and that wasn’t going to change. No matter how I felt.
I woke up the next day feeling refreshed. I was disappointed that James had left but that soon changed when he walked through the door. He was holding a tray of food in one hand and Arias in his other arm.
Shush. I just got him down he linked me.
What do you mean? He’s usually up around this time in the morning.
It’s one in the afternoon he said, carefully placing the food on my night stand.
One in the afternoon? I couldn’t believe I slept for that long. “Why would you let me sleep this long? I could’ve taken care of-”
“It’s fine, Zira. You looked so peaceful and I didn’t want to disturbed you,” he whispered, placing Arias in his crib. “I wanted to talk to you anyway. I’m leaving to go see my cousin. She’s a member of your pack.”
I froze and looked at him. How could he know anything about me and where I was from? He noticed how quiet I’ve become and continued.
“Please eat.” I didn’t move. The fact that he knows something is making me very suspicious. I wondered if he’s working with them to bring me back. He did want to get rid of me. “I won’t talk unless you eat something. I can feel your hunger.”
True, I was hungry but his generosity was a bit concerning. Besides it wasn’t too long ago I felt Alaia had poisoned my food. “You eat something first.”
He looked taken aback at first before smiling as if he knew why I wanted him to eat first. He picked up the fork and sampled a little of everything on the plate. He stepped back and looked at me to see if I was satisfied with his performance. I got up and devoured the food in minutes. I guess I was hungrier than I thought. James stood there, watching me in awe, waiting for me to finish.
“I like to eat,” I said, feeling I needed to explain myself. “So what is it you wanted to talk about?”
He cleared his throat before speaking. “Last night you were mumbling in your sleep. You called out Isaiah. He’s the Alpha of Blue Moon pack. The pack you’re part of. Did he…did he hurt you?”
I was shocked by his words but I wasn’t ready to trust him yet. “Why should I tell you? You seem to know more than you let on.”
He laughed as if there was some inside joke I was missing. “I told you about Maria and how she was killed by a jealous witch.” I nodded even though I knew he wasn’t waiting for me to answer.
“Alaia was that witch. I grew up with her and during that time she grew an attachment to me. It made her vengeful to anyone who showed me affection. Even after I took Maria as a mate, that didn’t stop her from her ridiculous ideas of us being together. Those ideas led her to kill the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
He sat closer to me and grabbed my hands. “Then you came into my life and everything that happened to Maria started to flood my brain. I started thinking if Alaia finds out about you-”
“But she has Isaiah. Surely finding her mate makes other options dull in comparison.”
James laughed. “I hope so. Believe me, I really do. I just don’t want to tempt it.”
I pulled my hands from his. His touch was starting to elevate my heart, becoming unbearable. “Well, it’s not like I could go back home anyway. Alaia wasn’t the only one on that cliff. Isaiah was there too. He helped her push me off of it.”
“That’s impossible,” James said. “Alpha Isaiah was with me at the Blue Moon Pack. We were in battle that same night.”
I looked at him with a shocked expression. “He was there. I’m sure of it. I grabbed me by my throat and dangled me near the edge. He wanted to kill me. I could see in his ey…”
Then it hit me. His eyes. His eyes weren’t the normal stormy gray I was used to. Or even Devon’s dark blue eyes. They were green.
“Zira, what is it?”
I started to laugh. Maybe I was remembering it wrong but… “All of this time, I thought Isaiah wanted me dead but now I don’t know. The man on the cliff looked just like Isaiah but his eyes…his eyes were…”
“Green,” James said. “The man we found on the cliff had green eyes. I’m sure Alaia must have done something to make him look like Isaiah. To make you believe Isaiah wanted you dead, too.”
I shook my head, trying to wrap my mind around the possibilities. Was I sure his eyes were green? Was I getting it mixed up with another dream? What else did she do to trick? I paced around the room until James stopped me by holding my arms.
“Think, Zira. Would Isaiah really want you dead?”
Of course, I didn’t think he wanted me dead until that night. Why would he go through all the trouble to save me from execution, and he always believed I would survive my pregnancy. Though in that moment on the cliff, all of that disappeared because I was weak. Everything was fine until she came along. Alaia..
“I have to go back, James. They need to know the truth.” She needed to pay and I wanted to be the one to do it.
“And they will but right now you’re not strong enough. Besides, Alaia could still have a trick or two up her sleeve.”
“Then help me. Isaiah needs to know he’s with a monster. Make me stronger.”
James turned away suddenly. I could feel how uneasy he felt. I couldn’t blame him. To go up against someone who took everything away from the first time was a lot to ask.
“So eager to him,” James said with a hint of jealousy.
It took me by surprise. Why would he care? It was not like our relationship was going anywhere. Besides this was more than just about Isaiah. It was ending this reign of terror Alaia has inflicted on the people I cared most about. It was about securing the future of my son and myself. Still I couldn’t help but feel hurt by his words.
“James, it’s not-”
“Alpha Fiona can help you with the training. She has more skill than anyone I know. I, on the other hand, have other things to attend to.”
“Thank you.”
He looked over his shoulders at me with a small smile but I could feel he was anything but happy. Then he turned away and walked out the door.
This was the last time we spoke until now.
After having another nightmare, I went to the kitchen to make cinnabons. It’s been everyone's favorite and it reminded me of home. Then he showed up and I could tell something was different.
“Zira…”
I turned to see him leaning against the doorway. He was shirtless, wearing only shorts. He must’ve come back from running just now.
“I didn’t know you were back,” I said. I started to busy myself with cleaning the mess. I needed to keep my eyes from his body. Alpha Fiona has been training me these last two months on not just combat but controlling my “urges”.
“Yeah, I came back early and did some training. I guess I let time get away from me. How long has he been down?”
“Four hours and counting,” I smiled a bit proud of this accomplishment.
It actually warmed my heart to see how much he cared for Zacharias. He laughed and that sound was enough to make my heartbeat race. I took some deep breaths to get it under control. I didn’t need him probing me about my emotions. He sniffed the air and walked up to the area holding my freshly baked cinnabons.
“Smells delicious,” he said, keeping his eyes on me. For a moment, I wasn't sure if he was talking about me or the cinnamon buns. “May I?”
I nodded, afraid my voice might give away too much if I spoke to him. He was only a few feet away and I could smell the forest on his skin. Mixed that with his scent and I’ll have sex in a bottle. I watched him pick up one of the bigger pieces and guided it inside his mouth.
I felt my mouth go dry while watching him devour my cinnabon, keeping his eyes on me the entire time. What the hell was he doing to me? The little moans from his mouth did nothing to stop the heat from building between my legs. His eyes were closed as he licked the frosting off his lips.
“These are amazing, Zira.” Zira. Even the way he said my name was lovely.
“Thank you,” I croaked out. I turned to get some water to help clear my throat. “I usually bake with my mom when I couldn't sleep,” I nearly whispered with my eyes still glued on him.
He finally opened his eyes and looked at me when I said ‘mom’. It was a sore topic for me so he doesn’t pry too much. Though with the way his emerald pools were drinking me in, I would’ve sold my soul if he wanted it. He noticed my staring and smile.
Heat rose throughout my body to my cheeks as I turned away from him and finished the cleaning. I didn't want him to see how I reacted to him even though he could feel it through the bond.
“Hey, where are you right now,” James asked. Bringing me out of my thoughts.
Now he was really close to me. My breath caught up in my throat as I forced my mind to focus on something else. I backed up and he followed, looking at me with a concerned look, until my back hit the corner of the counter. Now I was trapped.
“It’s nothing,” I laughed. “Just nightmares getting worse and I woke up with a headache.”
James hand caressed the side of my face. If there was a headache it would’ve been a distant memory. I closed my eyes to savor the sparks trickling down my cheek down throughout my body and I couldn't help but lean in while placing my hand over his.
Alpha Fiona would be so disappointed in how easily my wall just crumbled but this bond was harder than I thought. Especially if you haven’t had practice with the actual object in question. This feeling was intoxicating and impossible to ignore. I opened my eyes to James' eyes that were now dark gray.
I’ve awakened the beast. Deacon. Now I was in real trouble.