I don’t know how long I was out of it, but somehow I was in another room, sitting on a very comfortable bed with the most obnoxious fairy in the world. She was talking about the walls being bare and adding something to make the room brighter while I stared straight ahead at nothing. Her bubbly attitude was making me feel worse.
My brain was trying to catch up with everything that had just happened. For some reason I couldn’t believe it. I just-I just couldn’t believe my luck. Death, birth, death again, and then a rejection. Tears fell down my face onto Zacharias’s face.
I quickly wiped my face and tried to think about the bright side. A bright side? That’s laughable. Though the one I had was pretty worth it and he was cooing in my arms. The only good thing in my life was Zacharias, but at this point, I’m just waiting for that to change too.
“So what do you think, Zira,” Trixie asked, breaking me out of my trance.
“Yeah it sounds great,” I said, plainly. I could tell I was hurting her feelings so I added, “Thanks so much for this, Trixie, and the clothes.”
Trixie sat on the bed next to me as I nervously moved to put space in between us.
“You know, this whole thing with James is gonna blow over. He really does care about you.” I scoffed at her. “Seriously, he was by your side the moment you left us for a split second. He sat there holding little Zacharias, telling him how brave his mother is and how you were going to wake up soon. It was all so sweet.”
For a moment, I felt myself fall onto her words. It really did sound sweet but it didn’t erase what he said after I woke up. It doesn’t change the fact that he wanted to be with someone else and that person wasn’t me.
“I’m going to reject him first.” I heard myself say.
“Well, that wouldn’t be good for you or your baby. You’re not strong enough to be without your mate. So, whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with us for a minute,” Trixie said in a matter of fact way.
I sighed because I knew she was right. Just now, being away from him makes me feel weak. If my mom was here she would say ‘Just gotta suck it up and keep moving’, so that’s what I’m going to do.
“I should take a shower,” I said, not wanting to talk about this anymore. “Could you-”
“Watch this little angel while you take a long hot shower to collect your thoughts,” she asked while holding her hands out for Zacharias.
No, Nina growled.
I could feel Nina’s hesitancy while I stared at Trixie’s outstretched hands. I know that they have done a lot for me but Nina still didn’t fully trust her or anyone. I didn’t blame her. I looked down at Zacharias and I could feel my heartbeat start to rise.
Trixie must have noticed because she sat down next to me with her hands on my shoulders.
“Zira, I promise, we will be right here when you come out. If you want, I can come in there with you,” she suggested.
I laughed but Nina agreed with her. I’m just taking a shower, Nina. So stop being so overprotective. You’re sounding crazy.
I got up and placed Zacharias in his bassinet. Pulled it near the bathroom door and looked at Trixie. “Fine, but he stays right here, in his bassinet. So, anytime I peek out, you can raise him up enough for me to see him. Good?”
Now who’s sounding crazy?
Trixie agreed and I got the shower going. This was exactly what I needed. The hot water beating against my skin was like a therapeutic massage. I didn't realize how tense I was until now. I let out a deep groan as I surrendered to the pressure of the showerhead.
A moment to relax and not worry about every little thing. I peeked my head out and Trixie did as I asked to let me see Zacharias. Good I thought as I relaxed a little more.
Now to think about my current situation. James. I could feel Nina purr at the sound of his name as I rolled my eyes. We can’t think of him in that way. Since he was going to reject us. Not now, since I was still weak and needed his strength, but I had to prepare for when it does happen.
Then what? I can’t stay here if he rejects me. I would look like a fool. I checked on Zacharias again and saw Trixie talking to him. Good, I can relax. So what next? I can’t go back home with murderous Isaiah and his crazy mate. Then where?
I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I looked over and noticed Trixie was gone. My heart nearly dropped when I ran to the bassinet, which was empty. I nearly fell over, trying to get into the room that was empty.
“Zacharias! Zachar-”
A door opened and James walked in with Zacharias in his arms. He was smiling down at him, making stupid baby noises. How dare he hold my baby like he was a good person? Immediately, anger overcame my anxiety as I glared at him. A walked over and took Zacharais from him and placed him back in the bassinet.
“Zira, if I could say something,” James started, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“No, you need to leave. I don’t want to hear anymore.”
“Please, let me explain…”
I reached out and grabbed his arm, which was a mistake. We both froze and gasped at the sudden touch. I closed my eyes to take it in and the moment I opened them James’s eyes were dark gray. It must have been his wolf because Nina was pushing to come forth but I held her back. I was still in a towel and I didn't trust her, let alone James’s wolf.
“James,” I whispered through shallow breaths. I was still touching his arm and the longer I held on the quicker my breathing got. I quickly let go and stepped away. He followed my steps until I backed up against the wall.
“Not James, mate. Deacon,” he said in a much deeper voice that gave me a little jolt down below.
He caressed the side of my face and I couldn’t help but lean in to his touch. Before I knew it my hands were caressing his biceps and tracing up his arms. I could feel his muscles twitching under my touch and I was rendered breathless.
He pulled me close and placed his nose in the crook of my neck. I could his breath on my mark causing me to physically shiver. He began to trace his nose up from the crook of my neck, to my ear, and from my ear to my jawline. His touch was so delicate and light, it started to feel like he was tickling me. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was enjoying this and Nina was purring inside my head.
“Your smell is intoxicating,” he whispered against my lips.
Everything about his closeness, his touch, and his voice was both soothing and arousing. I'd completely forgotten what I was angry about. I swallowed hard, looking from his eyes to his lips which were only a few inches away from mine. He didn’t close the small distance between our lips, but I was really hoping he would. I would have if I wasn't frozen still against his chest while he caressed my arms. I was putty in his hands and I hated how much I loved it.
“You…you..you should leave,” I barely got out between breaths.
His eyes bore into mine, trying to read what I was really thinking. I was really hoping he was bad at it. Then he smiled, making the freckles on his cheeks look more prominent than before.
"Are you sure about that," he asked still running his fingertips up and down my arm. I could barely concentrate with him doing that.
He’s so cute I thought, getting lost in the sauce.
Right. Just give in already, Zira Nina egged me on.
I wanted to-I did, but something was holding me back. Like the fact that he’s in love with his dead mate, who might or might not be coming back to life and he would rather wait for those odds than accept me as his mate. Yup, that was enough to snap me out of his trance.
I smiled at him and traced my hands from his chest to one of his ears. Then I proceeded to yank him towards the door.
“Ow, ow, ok, ok. I get it. I get it,” James protested as I pulled him to the other side of the door.
I tried closing the door but his hand stopped it. “Wait, Zira. If you need anything, I’m just-”
“I don’t care,” I said while pushing him back and slamming the door in his face.
Whatever he had to say didn’t matter. It wouldn’t change the fact that we were mates or the fact that eventually he’s going to reject me. Even the thought pulled at my heart.
“Zira,” James continued through the door. Even the way he said my name sent shivers down my spine. I tried to will myself from the door but I stayed rooted, wanting to be as close to him as possible. “Truly, I never meant to hurt you. I…I am really sorry.”
Yeah, he’s going to be sorry. As soon as I get strong enough, I’m going to reject him first and nothing is going to stop me.