After the little reunion at the hospital and Isabella chewing my ear off because of what happened on the cliff earlier, we all headed back to the packhouse. I was sitting on the couch holding my little Zacharias. Zacharias. Now that was something I was really going to have to get used to. I couldn’t help but groan at the name.
What was she thinking? Naming him after that…that insufferable fool. I could already see Zack’s smug face in the back of my mind. Maybe I could convince Zira to go with just Arias.
Our son Devon said.
Yeah buddy. We helped create this.
I was happy to have Devon back. With everything going on, things have affected him way worse than me. Alaia really did a number on both of us, but now. Now we have a reason to live. Our little Arias.
His hair was black like mine but curly like Zira’s. His complexion wasn’t as dark as Zira’s but not as light as mine. He had the perfect complexion. His facial features looked more like Zira, but he had my dimples and my gray eyes. He was slowly falling asleep but kept waking up to the noise of everyone talking, so I got up to take him to my room.
I didn’t have a crib set up, but that was fine. I didn’t want to put him down anyway. I walked around my room, rocking him the way Zira showed me. His eyes were finally closed and he was smiling as if being here was the best thing. I could barely contain the joy that was in my heart. I wondered if this was how my father felt about us when we were born.
“He’s perfect, isn’t he?”
I turned to see Zira leaning on the doorway. She walked over as I continued to slowly rock Arias the way she showed me.
“Like no other.”
Zira smiled and touched my arm, and I returned her smile. It has been awhile since I saw her smile like this. The way it lit up her eyes was breath-taking. I felt myself getting lost when we heard a growl.
Of course, James was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. His growl almost woke up Arias as he started to fuss in my arms. I continued to walk with him, trying to get him back to sleep. Zira walked over to James and slapped him across the chest before pushing him into the hall.
“Stop that,” she said in a hushed tone. “You’re going to wake him up. Geez, what’s your problem?”
“I can’t help it, Zira. Did you not see the way he was just looking at you? He wants you. I just know it. I don’t want you to be alone with him.”
Zira sighed. “It doesn’t matter, James. What matters is that I’m with you. You. It wasn't too long ago, you didn't even want that."
I wondered what she meant by that. Did he reject her? Was there someone else in the picture? Whatever it was, it made him quiet and he looked away from her for a moment. Zira touched his arm but he refused to look at her.
"Look, Isaiah is Arias’s father, so he’s going to be in our lives. So let’s just get used to the fact that he’s just my friend. Ok?”
Well, there’s that. I mean I wasn’t expecting anything more. Zira deserves to be happy and James seems to make her happy. I would never get in between mates.
James scoffed at her. “Does he know that? He already kissed you.”
“I told you that was a mistake. He was just excited and…No! I’m not doing this right now. You know, it wasn’t too long ago someone else was in love with another person and threw me away like trash. Did I act like a jealous fool? No! So show me the same respect.”
“But-”
“No. If you can’t stand to see me near him, then leave.”
Arias started to fuss from the noise as I tried to calm him. James looked shocked. Like he couldn't believe what she just said. “Zira-”
“Uh huh. Take it somewhere else.”
James glared at me, then back at Zira, who stood firm before leaving in a huff. My sweet Zira turns out to be a little badass. She grabbed her hair in frustration while taking a deep breath before turning back to me with a smile.
“It looks good on you,” she said to me. “Being a dad.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I don’t even know if I can put him down, Zi.”
“Yeah, I was like that for a while until he started getting heavy.”
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Zi, really. I wish…”
She shushed me. “It’s fine, Isaiah. What matters is that we’re here now, right?”
“Right.”
I walked over to my bed as Zira showed me the right way to lay him down. I pulled up a chair next to the bed to sit and watched him as he slept.
“Are you seriously going to watch him,” she asked, laughing softly.
“What? What if he…I don’t know… has a nightmare? I want to be here,” I said. “One day you’re here and the next you could be gone.”
Though it was more about believing all of this was real. A lot has happened today and sometimes I think I’m dreaming. Even my father’s death hadn’t really sunk in. I really wish he was here. He would’ve loved Arias just as much as I do right now. Zira sat on the bed facing me.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry about your father. I know how much he meant to you. Meant to everyone. He was a great Alpha.”
Just hearing about him pulled at my heart. I could feel the tears threatening to come out. I haven’t talked to anyone about that day. I never wanted to until now. Zira touched my hand.
“It’s okay, Isaiah. You don’t have to talk about anything. We could just sit here.”
That day was still fresh in my mind. Alaia had disappeared when I made it to Isabella, who was holding onto my mother. In front of them my father was laying on the ground. He wasn’t moving and his eyes were closed. A knife was sticking out from his chest.
Everything around me seemed to move in slow motion. My mother screamed and fell to the ground with Isabella trying to keep hold of her. Victoria was bleeding heavily from a wound in her back and my father…
“There was nothing I could do,” I whispered to her. “I was the Alpha and there was nothing I could do to help him.”
“Isaiah…”
“He was, like, gone. I couldn’t even say goodbye and he was just…” I took a deep breath. “I mean there was so much he still had to teach me. So many questions I have and can’t ask him. I still think he’s just going to be downstairs in the dining room with his cup of coffee and a newspaper. And when he’s not there, I get so mad because I know he’s never going to be there. He's gone.”
“I’m so sorry, Isaiah, but don’t give up. Sometimes the people we lose show up in another way. Whether it’s through someone else or through a letter or a song. So don’t give up.”
Zira stood up and pulled me into a hug. A tight, comforting hug that released the tension I didn't know I was holding in my shoulders. We both stood there in each other’s embrace for a minute. I won’t lie and say that holding her this close, breathing in her scent wasn’t soothing.
It was more than that. I could stay like this forever if she would allow it but I knew a part of me still loved Alaia. Despite everything, I still felt connected to her and I hated myself for it. Zira was the first to break the hug. We looked at the mess of tears on our faces and laughed while trying to clean each other.
“You know, two years ago I would never have thought this would be us,” Zira laughed. “Me with a baby by someone who wasn’t my mate, then meeting my mate right after dying. Twice.”
“Tell me about it. I never expected to find my mate so soon, then her turning into a crazy witch trying to kill my baby’s mother and my baby, but then killing my father and rejecting me as a bonus.”
Zira held her hands up, laughing. “Okay, okay. You win.”
“I had a whole different plan. I was going to focus on being the best Alpha for at least a year. If I didn’t find my mate or you yours, I was going to ask you to be my Luna. I had it all planned out.”
Zira blushed and looked away. “Yeah, but life was like ‘Screw that’,” she said, creating distance between us. We both awkwardly laughed and looked everywhere but at each other. I couldn’t believe I just told her what my plans were. She probably thinks I was pathetic for waiting so long. Missed opportunity.
“Zira, I know we’re at different places right now, but I really want to thank you. For being here and surviving, for coming back. It really means a lot.” I tried to put all my emotions in what I was saying. I wanted her to know that she still had a special place in my heart.
“Thanks, Isaiah,” she said, reaching out to touch me, but stopped. “Okay, well this was a lot. I have to go check on James before he finds another excuse to come in here,” Zira said, walking to the door. “So, I’ll leave it to ya, Daddy.”
I couldn’t help but feel something from the way she said that. Daddy. I think I like the sound of that. I watched her walk out before poking her head back in.
“Hey! We did good. He would be proud of you,” she said before leaving.
I stared at the door for a few more moments after she left. Goddess I missed her. She couldn’t possibly know how much. She always knew exactly what to say.
I turned my attention back to Arias. He was starting to move around, so I got in bed and laid him on my chest. I read somewhere that babies love skin-to-skin contact. I started to rock back and forward until he calmed down.
As I closed my eyes, Alaia’s scent clouded my mind as if she was here. I opened my eyes and gazed around the room. It was strong so maybe I had something of hers still here. I’ll worry about it tomorrow, I thought as I laid back down and sleep finally took over.