I groaned as I covered my eyes from the lights. They were colorful and for a moment I thought I was dreaming. The bed I was lying on was rough and wasn’t doing me any favors. Then I realized I wasn’t in a bed but instead a bush. I was outside. I slowly sat up, pulling twigs and leaves out of my hair.
My vision was a bit blurred from the raging headache but at least I could tell I was still in my pack. I looked up at the lights and realized they were the Christmas lights I put up there last year. Looking at the position of the sun on the horizon, I could tell it was the evening and it was going to be dark soon.
Someone tried to link me but I ignored it. I wasn’t in the mood of talking or seeing anyone. I just wanted to wallow in my self-pity alone. Thoughts of that day swirled in my head as I tried to get to my feet. From holding my dying father in my arms to being rejected by someone I loved.
Someone I protected. Someone I fought for even when the person closest to her was telling me to be careful. Devon knew something was off and tried many times to talk to Elena, but even that was difficult.
Alaia.
Dammit! Even her name still sounds perfect in my mind, but she rejected me with ease. Like it didn’t affect her the way it affected me. She rejected me and left with that rogue. I couldn’t even accept it. I didn't say those words to completely sever our bond. Hell, I could barely breathe and my chest felt as if it was caving in.
At times I think I could feel her, see her, and smell her scent, but then I realized it was all in my head. She wasn’t coming back and I tried to wrap my head around that. A few times a month, I could feel her betrayal like a stake to my heart. Who was she with? I wondered.
Then I cursed myself for even wondering. I hated that a part of me still didn’t want to let her go. Then I remembered my father. She robbed my mother of the only person she ever loved. You can’t come back from that. I wanted to break our bond but I wanted to do it to her face. Though I don’t see us ever meeting again.
It took a few minutes but I finally managed to get myself to my feet. I thought by now my hangover would be gone, but I think I overdid it last night. There were bottles of liquor everywhere and the smell of wasted liquor made me want to throw up. I concentrated on my breathing to help with the ground spinning.
I picked up a couple of bottles that still had contents in them and started drinking. I needed to feel numb again. I looked around and knew where I was. I knew what I was doing here. I started walking and finally made it to the cliff. This spot. It seemed like everything tends to happen at this spot. The first time Zira shifted, the time my father told me I was going to be Alpha, the first time I kissed Zira, and the place where Victoria last saw Zira. She confirmed Zira was here that night.
I don’t know why I always end up here after binge drinking. I guess I was hoping I could find something. A reason to live, perhaps. All of this was my fault anyway. Zira, along with everyone else, was warning me and I just didn’t listen. Now everyone that I loved had to pay because I decided to choose my heart over the truth. I was blinded by love and it made me weak. What would my father say now?
It's probably that I’m a coward who doesn’t know how to fix his problems. I walked over to the cliff, looking down at the waterfall and river below. If Zira had been pushed over, there’s no way she would’ve survived. There was no way they could have at least. I should’ve been here. I should’ve protected her. I didn’t deserve to be here. She shouldn’t have been alone.
I dropped one of the empty bottles over the cliff and listened for a sound, but I heard nothing. I could feel myself swaying over the edge. Maybe all the hurt and pain I was feeling would go away if I just took one step. Maybe I wouldn’t think of Alaia as much. Constantly wondering what she was doing. I didn’t want to care but I did. I hated that I did.
I closed my eyes and could only remember her last words, her rejection. ‘I, Alaia Thorne, reject you, Alpha Isaiah Thorne, as my mate. And denounce the pack of Black Moon.’ The memory still stabbed my chest as if it happened yesterday. I knew my love for her was making me crazy.
I felt I was sinking further into despair. I wanted to end this. I was tired of carrying this pain around. I just wanted it to stop. Then I caught something in the air. A familiar scent washed over me just as I stepped over the edge. It was too late.