After Levi watched me walk to my seat he left without so much as another word. There were a few stares from the girls in the class, but I was feeling so weird with his absence that I ignored them. I felt as if something was off or missing and I had the need to run after him. It was the sound of the tick-tick-ticking of the hand moving on the clock as time passed that ground me and kept me in my seat.
Class was a blur and I missed out on a majority if not the remainder of class. The events that had transpired in the few minutes we spent in the empty classroom took up most of my attention. As crazy as I felt for thinking I saw Levi with red eyes, I know what I saw. I couldn’t shake the feeling of being in a trance.
My cheeks warm as I recall the neediness I had felt. The need to please him, the desperation to do everything and anything to please him caused a shiver to run down my spine. In that moment I knew I would have done literally anything. It was that thought that scared me the most.
I shouldn’t have wanted him as much as I did. I could still feel traces of it as it made its way out of my system. The needy feeling was automatically washed away with disgust as I thought of what had happened just the night before.
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing to vanquish the memory from my mind. It was a temporary fix for my problem, but what had Levi meant by killing Dylan? I wanted to laugh at that. If only Levi knew who Dylan really was. I wonder what he’d think, or say.
The rest of the day flew by in a haze before I knew it I was waiting for Liz in the quad. She dropped down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. The bell rang and students rushed from class, some headed to clubs, some to practice, and some eager to go home. It was interesting watching people and their expressions. Seeing them smile, laugh, and mess around. I got to focus on them and not me.
Was that what it was like to be normal?
I didn’t know much, but I had an idea of it.
I hopped to my feet and plastered a smile on my face. It didn’t matter if I was good and ready I was used to having to do things i didn’t want to. I breathed in through my nose and exhaled. I fought the urge to wring my hands as my mom came to mind. I hadn’t seen Dylan and sooner or later I was going to have to face him. Distant thunder rumbled and I glanced at the dark clouds that promised rain. I would be running home in the rain. While others hated that I loved it. Liz interlocked her arm with mine and we headed toward the front of the school.
“My mom was acting weird this morning,” I confided in her.
Even though we were best friends we never talked about our how life. She didn’t bring up hers and I didn’t bring up mine. This was something new, this was something I wanted to talk about without saying too much. I just knew I wanted to get it off of my chest. She glanced at me sideways knowing this was something that must be bothering me.
“How was she weird?” Liz asked.
“We don’t usually talk during the day. Usually it’s at night when… when she needs me,” I started.
“Mm-hm,” Liz hummed. She kept her eyes forward, but I knew she was listening.
“But she was downstairs and.. I think.. I think she was waiting for me,” I said. “Now that I’ve said it out loud, I know it’s normal for parents to wait for their kids. For things like breakfast or packed lunch…”
“But you don’t bring a packed lunch… ever,” Liz said.
“Yes, exactly,” I said. What’s normal for others is weird for me and vice versa for others.
“What did she want?” Liz asked.
Again, we don’t ask questions, but since I brought up my home life, she has to ask. She wants to help make it easier for me to say what I’m trying to say. I’m grateful for her and our relationship. Since Greg happened and everything changed it’s been hard to keep friends because I couldn’t be completely honest with them.
“She told me she wanted me to go to a coffee shop after school. When I asked her why we would go to a coffee shop, she told me she wouldn’t be going,” I said quietly.
“Hmm. Did she say you were going to be meeting someone?” Liz asked.
“No, she didn’t, but it was like she was hinting that I would be meeting someone, ”
“That is really weird. Are you going to go?” She asked.
“She told me to go. It’ll be a public setting and it gives me something to do so I don’t have to go straight home after school. I don’t see the harm in going…” I trailed off.
“But it still makes you nervous,” Liz said.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“Then I’ll come with you,” she whispered.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to involve you in anything… I still don’t know who I’ll see there,” I said.
“I’m going with you,” Liz said as she squeezed my hand.
Rain started to sprinkle down on us as we walked through the front gate. I loved the feel of it on my skin. I followed her gaze as she looked around. Dylan’s Audi was sitting in its usual spot and my hands started to shake. I couldn’t hide it, but if Liz noticed she didn’t show it. Seeing it there reminded me that I could still run into him. She jerked against me to look behind me, her eyes flashing as she stares at someone behind me.