Amia
The door opened and Liz stepped out. Levi rolled his window down and Liz bent down and said goodbye to me. I attempted a bright smile, but it felt wrong on my face. She smiled and told me I would be alright.
“Are you sure you don’t need us to drive you home?” Levi asked.
“Yes. Besides you’re not my knight in shining armor. Worry about my bestie,” Liz said.
“Never claimed to be. From… one person to another, I feel weird dropping you off here,” Levi said. I looked behind her at the shabby subway station. It made me nervous too.
“I agree, Liz,” I said.
“Don’t you start now. I do this everyday. It looks a lot scarier than it actually is. Make sure you wrap it up!” Liz teased.
“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed.
She giggled and turned from us. I called out after her but she didn’t bother looking back over her shoulder at me. She waved and disappeared down the stairs into the dark abyss that was the subway station.
“She’s a funny one,” Levi chuckled.
“Hilarious,” I deadpanned.
The car rolled forward and the silence stretched between us. I could almost hear the questions that were forming on the tip of his tongue. My mind was reeling from meeting Calum, question for my mom, and the crap storm that’s been going on with Dylan. I didn’t want to face any of it right now, but I was forced to sit here and let everything run through my mind.
Before I knew it, we slowed to a stop at the bottom of the dirt road that led to my house. I bit down hard on my lip as I thought of walking through the front door. I could already feel the glass shards of a broken beer bottle cut my face and arms. I knew what awaited me inside there if Greg was seated inside, which he would be. I had focused on everything, but forgot about Greg.
I would have to answer for running out on him this morning. I had been so ready to get away from Calum that I forgot about the shit show that awaited me at home. I looked down to my hands that were balled into tight fists on my lap. I hated this feeling. The need to keep everything inside, to keep everything together. It boiled and festered inside of me. Classical music played quietly and filled the car. It was the opposite of everything I was feeling.
Soft, calm, soothing.
He shifted in his seat and I remembered Levi. I turned to look at him and found him staring at me. There was never any judgment in his eyes, nor was there pity or expectation. Levi looked at me like I was a person. He looked at me calmly, always waiting.
What was he waiting for?
“Thanks for today, L. I didn’t want you two to go with me, but if you hadn’t… I don’t know what would have happened,” I said.
“I don’t want to think about what could have happened with Dylan had I not been there,” Levi said.
“I don’t want to talk about him right now,” I whispered.
“Okay. We don’t have to. If you’re not ready to go inside yet, we could do another loop around. I don’t mind staying with you a little longer, Ami,” Levi said.
Of course he didn’t mind.
Levi was perfect in every way.
“I don’t… I don’t want to go inside,” I said.
“Okay. You don’t have to,” Levi said.
“I know I should just do it. Rip of the band aid and face the music, but… I can’t bring myself to,” I admitted.
“Is there anything I can do?” Levi asked.
“I don’t know, is there? I don’t want to go home, Levi. I don’t..” I trailed off.
A light bulb lit up and I wondered if he would be okay with it. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, it couldn’t be, but I didn’t want to go home. More so today, more so now than ever before. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to deal with Greg. And I didn’t want to see my mom take whatever Greg had to dish out.
“Can I.. stay the night with you?” I asked.
Levi’s eyes jumped to me. I could have smiled at the look on his face had I not wanted to leave right this moment. I should have felt ashamed asking him, I should have felt embarrassed, but all I felt was desperate. I was desperate. I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to go anywhere but there. My heart rate picked up and I wanted to run. I wanted to run far away. I expected him to deny me. We weren’t kids anymore. We were young adults. I knew what others would see this as, but not Levi. Levi wouldn’t see this as a request into his bed. He knew me. He could see things, know things that others didn’t. Even though I didn’t want to trust him, it was too easy, too easy to trust him.
“Can I come home with you?” I asked.
“Like old times?” Levi asked.
A smile spread across his lips and his eyes lit up. How did he do that? How did me feel safe and warm? How did he get me to let down my guard? The memory of sleep overs as a young kid flashed in my mind.
Before.
Before everything went to shit. Before mom met Greg. Before she spiraled. Before she changed. Before my life had been flipped upside down. When life had still been good. When Levi and I were still best friends.
“Like old times,” I croaked out.
“Okay baby girl. You can have anything you want,” Levi said as he looked into my eyes. I wanted to look away, but couldn’t bring myself to. Levi’s beautiful brown eyes held me captive and I didn’t want to be free from it.