S UMMER was relishing the afterglow of sex. It was the best feeling in the world, to be in Banong’s arms. Her heart was overjoyed by the intimacy. Banong was a pro. There was no doubt in her mind about it. Pero higit sa lovemaking skills ng lalaki, mas nanaig ang init sa mga bisig nito at paghalik sa kanyang balikat ngayong nasa likuran niya ito habang nakatagilid siya sa kama. He did not leave, did not apologize or change his mood after making love. Kahit alam niyang nangyari iyon sa pagkakataong hindi siguro niya pipiliin.
Banong was able to make her feel special, that she mattered to him. Naisip ni Summer na napakahalaga pala niyon sa kanya. And although she did not believe what others said about sex—that both sides had to feel something more than physical attraction, she still thought that it felt rather nice to have this affectionate moment with him.
“Malapit nang mag-Pasko, ilang araw na lang,” bulong ng lalaki. “Gusto mo bang mag-Pasko sa bahay?”
Hindi inasahan ni Summer kung gaano katindi ang epekto ng simpleng imbitasyon ni Banong sa kanya. He was actually asking her to celebrate one of the most important holidays of the year with his family. But she had to decline.
“Hindi na siguro, Banong. Dito na lang ako.”
“Pero bakit? Mag-isa ka lang dito. Ayaw mo ba akong kasama?”
“Hmp, nagpapa-cute ka na naman diyan,” umingos niyang sabi. “Nahihiya lang ako, siyempre. Kasama mo ba ang nanay mo o ang father mo?”
Tumawa si Banong. “Marami akong kapatid na doon nagno-Noche Buena kina Papa, pero ang tradisyon, eh, late akong magpunta doon. Bihira akong lumuwas para makasama sila. Tulad ng sinabi ko, hindi ako ganoon ka-close sa pamilya ng tatay ko. Usually, dumadaan ako doon after Christmas. Minsan, Christmas day. Depende kung ano ang maisipan. Si Nanay at ang pamilya ng asawa niya ang kasama ko. Pumupunta din sina Tonette. May ilang bata din na doon magpa-Pasko. Sige na, sumama ka na.”
“Hindi ba nakakahiya? Baka naman sabihin nila, kabago-bago ko pa lang, kasali na ako diyan.”
“Bakit, kailangan bang matagal nang magkakilala para mayaya sa Pasko? Kung ano-ano’ng iniimbentong rules ng babaeng ito.” Biglang dumapo sa leeg ni Summer ang mga labi ni Banong. He sniffed her. “Hmmmm-bango-bango ng chef ko!”
“Banong!”
Tumawa ang lalaki. “Bakit, nagsasabi lang naman ako ng totoo, ah? Teka, nagugutom ka na ba?”
“Actually, yeah.” Nararamdaman ni Summer ang pagkalam ng tiyan, pero tamad na tamad siyang bumaba at enjoy pa rin sa mga bisig ni Banong. “`Wag ka munang umalis. Dito muna tayo.”
Niyakap siya nito nang mahigpit, pero mayamaya ay bumangon. “Babalikan kita, yayakapin kita, hahalikan kita uli. Pero kakain muna tayo at gutom na gutom na ako.”
Natawa na siya. He stood up in all his nakedness. Nawala ang ngiti ni Summer. He was so beautiful and aroused. “Banong, you’re so naughty.”
“Ikaw ang may kasalanan nito.” Naglakad ito papunta sa banyo.
Narinig ni Summer ang tunog ng tubig. Nang lumabas si Banong ay hubad pa rin, isinuot ang boxer shorts, saka binuksan ang kanyang closet para manghiram ng damit. Isinuot nito ang isang oversized tee na sleepwear, siguro dahil iyon lang ang kasya rito. Pink iyon, may malaking Hello Kitty sa harapan. Lumabas na ang lalaki sa silid. Nag-shower si Summer at lumabas na rin pagkatapos.
Nag-init lang ng pagkain si Banong. Nakahain na. They ate. They talked about random things. Things they wanted to do, places they wanted to visit. Inabot sila ng halos dalawang oras. After dinner, they went upstairs. May terrace doon, may dalawang recliners na may mesa sa pagitan kung saan ipinatong ni Banong ang kanya-kanya nilang coffee mug.
Maliwanag ang buwan. Biglang tumawa si Banong.
Napatingin si Summer sa lalaki. “What’s so funny?”
“Hindi ko pa rin malilimutan kung paano ka natakot sa aswang.”
Biglang nag-init ang mukha ni Summer. “Bruho ka. Ipinaalala mo pa sa akin. That is the most embarrassing moment of my life.”
“Sa edad mong `yan, naniniwala ka pa sa aswang!”
“Sa edad kong `to?! I’m not that old, you know!”
Tawa pa rin nang tawa si Banong. “Habol-habol kita,” sabi nito sa pagitan ng halakhak. “Hindi ka nakikinig sa akin. Kung ikaw ang makakasama ko sa zombie apocalypse, siguradong ako ang unang mamamatay dahil itutulak mo ako sa zombie!”
Natawa na rin si Summer. “It was a reflex action. Survival instict!”
Noon may malaking ibon na lumipad hindi kalayuan sa kanila.
Tumayo ang lalaki at nakisiksik sa kanyang recliner. “Dito nga ako. Baka mamaya, matakot ka na naman, eh.”
It was obvious that he only wanted to be near her. Parang may humaplos sa kanyang puso. Nahiling niyang sana palaging ganoon sila kasaya, ganoon kainit. She had been out in the cold for so long that she almost forgot what warmth felt like until he came along.
He was all that was missing in her life. Ni hindi niya alam na ito pala ang sagot. It was very particular, her need. Hindi siya nangangailangan ng lalaki, hindi nangangailangan ng pangyayari, hindi nangangailangan ng distraction. Pero kailangan niya si Banong. Ni hindi iyon isang desperate need. It was a need that was pure in form. It was a need coming straight from her heart. Sometimes, when she thought about it, it overwhelmed her. Because she never expected to find him here. She never expected anything here. Finding something, discovering someone, that was not a part of her plan. She merely wanted to get away from the world, to find peace here. But she found him and she wanted to keep him.
She understood, however, that people were not supposed to be kept. People were not meant to belong to other people, like what a movie said. She wanted a kind of relationship that was more mature now. Siguro, noong bata-bata gusto niya ang isang relasyon kung saan nangingibabaw ang isang uri ng pagmamahal kung saan kailangan ng dalawang tao ang isa’t isa para magpatuloy sa buhay. Maybe everyone when young thought the same thing: that love was some force that made people need the object of their affection or they won’t survive at all. It was very romantic to see it that way.
But now, what she wanted from Banong was a kind of love he was willing to give her without hesitations or doubts. Masyado na siyang matanda para makipaglaro, para ilagay na naman ang sarili sa isang vulnerable position, kung saan ilalaan niya ang lahat-lahat ng kaya niya para mahalin ng iba. To be loved, that was what she wanted before. Hindi naman iyon puwedeng ipagawa sa iba. Tinangka niyang gawin sa kanyang ama mismo, pero hindi nagtagumpay.
Love should be voluntary. It was that simple, and that painful, too. Paano kung hindi ka mahalin ng minamahal mo?
Aminado si Summer na kung minsan, naiisip pa rin niyang samantalahin ang pagkakataon pagdating kay Banong—na kunin ito mula kay Olga. But at the end of the day, she knew that that was really not what she wanted. Nakaka-tempt lang dahil sa feelings niya.
Ah, feelings always made things complicated. Feelings made people think of love like an accomplishment one had to work hard to have. Na makukuha mo ang love kung pagtitiyagaan mo lang abutin ang taong pangarap mo, na mamahalin ka rin.
Na may isang bagay na hindi para sa iyo kung tutuusin, pero lumaban ka kaya nakuha mo sa bandang huli. O kaya ang pag-ibig ay parang bunga na nasa itaas ng puno na kailangang pilit abutin. May mga taong nagtatagumpay sa “pag-abot,” pero para kay Summer, hindi buo ang satisfaction ng ganoong klaseng relasyon. Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to be loved without having to work that hard? Or influencing people’s feelings through perseverance? She preferred seeing love as a gift. Saka na lang niya iisipin ang mga bagay na iyon. Marami pa silang pagsasamahan ni Banong sa future dahil pareho sila ng linya at iisa lang ang lugar nila.
“Ano’ng iniisip mo?” tanong ng lalaki habang nakayakap sa kanya.
“Wala lang. Iniisip ko lang ang competition.”
“`Wag mo nang isipin masyado. Sigurado akong mananalo tayo. Mga kamote ang kalaban.”
Natawa si Summer, natawa rin si Banong. Alam niya na pareho silang kabado. There was so much at stake.
“Banong?”
“Hmm?” Hinaplos nito ang kanyang pisngi.
“Naisip kong manalo o matalo, gusto kong magpatuloy mag-aral ang mga bata.”
“Iyon din naman ang naiisip ko, eh. Iyon lang, hindi ko sila kayang ipasok lahat sa culinary school tulad ng premyo sa contest. Noong tiningnan ko ang tuition fee, aabutin ng milyon ang isa. Pito sila. Bukod pa `yon sa mga gamit na kailangan, baon, tirahan nila.”
“We can find other schools. Schools we can afford. May mga kilala akong dean na baka puwedeng makatulong.”
“Saka na natin isipin, sakaling hindi manalo. Tama na nga muna `yan. Palaging sila ang pinag-uusapan natin. Halikan mo nga muna ako.”
“What?” natatawang tanong ni Summer.
“Ayaw mo?”
“Ayoko nga!”
“Talaga?” Dumampi ang mga labi nito sa kanyang leeg.
Nagtayuan ang mga balahibo niya sa katawan. Biglang nag-init ang kanyang pakiramdam. Pagdating sa lalaking ito, kaunting halik at para na siyang sinisilaban. He made her remember she was human, with human needs and wants.
“Ayaw mo talaga?” bulong ni Banong sa leeg ni Summer. The mere touch of his breath on her skin made her want more.
“Ayaw ko...” bulong ni Summer, walang conviction.
Muling dumampi ang mga labi nito sa kanyang balat. This time his lips lingered. Nagtayuan na naman ang mga balahibo niya sa katawan. His fingertips touched her arm. Bumaba ang mga iyon mula sa kanyang leeg, papunta sa mga balikat. Gusto niyang agad na hubarin ang suot. Clothes were a hassle! Sino ba ang nakaimbento ng damit?!
Mukhang nabasa ni Banong ang kanyang naiisip. He gently pulled down her dress. Maxi dress iyon na V-neck. Good thing she wore that. Malaki ang neckline niyon, kayang maisuot mula sa mga paa. His lips did the work now. Dumampi-dampi ang mga iyon sa kanyang balikat. He had managed to take her dress down to her legs. Itinaas niya ang katawan para tuluyan na nitong maibaba iyon. She then kicked it off to the ground. Now she was almost naked, except for her underwear.
“Ayaw mo pa rin?” tanong ng lalaki. He was cupping her breast, thumbing the taut peak. She felt hot between her legs.
“Ayoko,” sambit ni Summer.
He continued on. Marahang bumaba ang mga labi ni Banong sa kanyang dibdib. He sucked on a tip, his tongue lashing back and forth, while his hand was busy taking off the last item of clothing she had on.
Noon pa, ilang na si Summer sa sariling katawan, sa mga bilbil sa tiyan, sa cellulite sa mga hita. But for some reason, Banong made her feel beautiful. He looked at her with the kind of desire that told her he saw past her flaws. Ni saglit, hindi niya naramdaman na kailangan niyang takpan ang katawan. With him, she did not feel like turning the lights off. Kahit hindi maliwanag sa kinaroroonan nila, malinaw nitong makikita ang kanyang kabuuan.
She looked at him, desire evident on his face. Hinaplos niya ang pisngi nito.
“Ayaw mo pa rin?” he asked.
“Ayaw ko.”
“Hindi, seryoso. Kinabahan ako bigla, baka ayaw mo talaga.” Now he looked worried.
Napahagikgik si Summer. He was adorable! And he was a gentleman. Kung lahat ba naman ng lalaki sa mundo tulad nito, wala sanang problema ang kababaihan.
Bahagya siyang bumangon para hagkan ito sa mga labi.
“Naiipit ang bilbil ko,” sabi niyang biglang humiga uli, natatawa. “I know I have to lose a lot of weight.”
“Sshh.” Dinampian nito ng halik ang kanyang tiyan. “Maganda ka, mula ulo hanggang paa.”
She believed him. She chose to believe him. She sighed, looking at him draw his tongue from her stomach down between her legs. His tongue made a broad stroke over it, sending shivers up her spine. She watched him intently, looking at every stroke of his tongue between her legs. Not that she was able to see it every single time, but the desire on his face to please her was more than enough.
It seemed as if he couldn’t get enough of her. She felt his lips sucking gently, while he looked her in the eye, as if telling her he was more than willing to give her more, that her pleasure was his as well. And as if his tongue was not enough, his finger slid inside of her. Tumirik yata ang kanyang mga mata.
“You’re so good...” she murmured, unable to help herself.
He did not stop a beat. Soon, she was writhing in ecstasy, almost pushing his face onto her. Umangat ang likod ni Summer sa recliner. He stood up and took his clothes off. He was beautiful, so masculine and sexy. Tumabi ito sa kanya, patagilid. Marahan siyang inalalayan, sa gayon ay nakatalikod siya rito. He lifted up her leg and rubbed her between her thighs as he gave a slow and deep thrust. He slid every inch inside of her and he was well-endowed.
She relished the feeling of being completely filled. She felt his hand move so that he can rub her as he thrust long and deep. Binabaliw yata siya ni Banong. Once again, she felt a powerful orgasm building up. Until it exploded, as he grabbed on her hips to keep her still. She felt his lips on the side of her neck.
It was in that moment she realized she had fallen in love with him. Sa loob ng ilang segundo, napuno ng kasiyahan ang dibdib ni Summer dahil kung may isang lalaking gugustuhin niyang mahalin, iyon ay walang iba kundi si Banong. But then she also realized that he was into another woman. Medyo malabo ang sitwasyon. Ang sabi nga sa Facebook status, “It’s complicated.” The only established fact here was that they had a physical relationship. Kung aandar pa at tutuloy iyon sa mas interesanteng yugto, hindi pa nila napag-uusapan.
She wanted to use her brain this time. Sa isang taon niya sa farm, iyon ang naging desisyon niya—ang huwag nang pangunahan ng damdamin kahit kailan. She had always been a very sensitive person. Palaging inuuna niya ang feelings kaysa sa isip. Not anymore. Logic said that even if Banong wanted her in a more meaningful romantic relationship, they still needed time to make what they had grow. She wanted all of him, not bits and pieces.
Saka na iyon iisipin ni Summer. Minsan lang naman mangyari ang ganoon sa kanya kaya bakit hindi niya samantalahin? Yumakap siya kay Banong at niyakap din siya nito nang mahigpit. He did not utter any word, no promises, no plans. And she did not want to hear any anyway. Aanhin niya ang mga iyon kung hindi naman totoo? She appreciated that he was being honest by being silent.
Mayamaya, isinuot nito sa kanya ang maxi dress. “Malamig dito. Doon na tayo sa loob.”
Tumango si Summer. Nagpunta na sila sa kanyang silid. She slept in his arms. Naalimpungatan siya mayamaya at nakitang tulog na tulog si Banong sa kanyang tabi, kahit nagba-vibrate ang phone nito. It was three in the morning. Sinilip niya ang phone, naalalang naubos ang baterya niyon kanina. Banong probably charged it before going to sleep.
Nadismaya siya nang makita ang pangalang nakarehistro sa screen: Olga. So normal lang ba sa babae na tumawag kay Banong sa ganoong oras? Malamang. At hindi lang minsan itong tumawag, kundi paulit-ulit, sa puntong nagising na rin si Banong kahit naka-vibrate ang phone. Nagpanggap si Summer na natutulog para malaman lang kung ano ang magiging reaksiyon ni Banong.
Nang maramdaman niyang tumagilid ang lalaki para abutin ang phone, pasimple siyang dumilat. Hindi niya nakita kung ano ang ginawa nito, pero malamang na pinatay ang phone dahil tumigil na iyon sa pag-vibrate. Napangiti siya. It seemed everything was going nicely. Banong did not need someone like Olga, but his life will be better with a Summer.
Napangiti uli siya sa naisip.