Silas’s P.O.V
Anika's words cut deep, and I could feel the weight of my past mistakes pressing down on me.
She wasn't entirely wrong; my emotions had often clouded my judgment, leading me to make impulsive decisions that cost me dearly.
Still… what was I supposed to fucking do?
"What exactly is so special about that woman earlier, anyway, that made you so angry?" Anika continued to pick me apart. "Why are you so obsessed about Ezra’s second chance mate? The two of you even caused such a great scene at the wedding that it’s now cancelled!"
As we drove towards our destination, the moon casting a glow along the path, I struggled to find the right words to defend myself. Anika’s prying questions about my apparent obsession with Zoya left me even more resentful toward her as I grappled for an answer.
"It's not about her, it’s about Ezra." I replied, my voice laced with frustration. "It's about justice, about avenging Lily's death."
I could feel Anika's gaze on mine, a mix of skepticism and concern as she continued to stare at me from the passenger’s seat. "Is that really all, Silas? Or is there more to it that you’re not telling me?"
I hesitated, torn between revealing my true feelings and keeping them locked away. Zoya had stirred something inside me, something I couldn't quite understand. Her presence had brought both solace and chaos to my already tumultuous life.
I had never expected it, not from Zoya. I hadn't expected the mating bond, or the lack there of, to suddenly start affecting me in this way. Hadn't I wanted to get rid of the mating bond between us from the start? Hadn't I been disgusted when I had first realized that my mate was a weak little human?
"She didn't look too special to me," Anika said off-handedly. "Why would you risk all our carefully laden plans for some human? Are you deranged?"
Anika's harsh words struck a nerve, and I could feel my anger boiling inside me. Even if she didn’t know the fact that she was my mate…how could she talk badly about Zoya when she had been the one to provide me shelter and protection while I hid from Ezra's search parties?
"You have no right to judge her," I snapped back, my voice tinged with frustration. "She saved me, Anika. She didn't have to help me, you know, but she did. And she never, ever, expected anything from me in return."
Even if I didn’t turn to see her face, the way the atmosphere inside the car suddenly chilled, told me that Anika hadn't expected the jab. For once, it felt good to get back at her.
Outside the car, the world seemed peaceful, the evening sky painted with hues of blue and silver. The gentle breeze whispered through the trees, creating a serene contrast to the turmoil inside the car.
I wanted to pull over so I could get the fuck out of the car and scream my lungs out by the cliffside. I wanted to let out everything that I was bottling up inside me and hear the wind carry my voice away until my throat was sore and I could no longer speak.
When was all this bullshit going to end? It was one thing after the other, and I was sick of it!
It was one thing for Ezra to take Lily away from me. That one couldn't be helped, since I technically had no right to claim her. She was his mate, not mine, even if I loved her like one.
But Zoya… she was my fucking mate, for gods' sake! And even that he took from me! That was unacceptable.
Still… a small part of me blamed myself for the way things turned out. After I left her that night without a word, did I really expect her to keep waiting for me like an obedient sheep? Especially when I had never given her any reason to wait in the first place.
I couldn't really blame her for running into the arms of another, especially when it seemed that Ezra could provide her the comfort and safety I couldn't.
But then again, that didn't help make me feel better at all.
"Zoya…" I sighed, forcing calmness into my tone. "She saved my life. Without her I wouldn't be here. I'd probably be torn apart by my own pack members already. I just… can't stand the sight of her next to Ezra."
Anika's eyes narrowed, and her tone turned accusatory. "That still doesn't justify accepting an Alpha Challenge for her. Silas, you know better than this!"
I clenched my fists, trying to control the surge of emotions within me. Anika was right in one sense; accepting the challenge out of anger was reckless. But there was more to it, she was right.
But I didn't want to reveal it.
I still didn't trust Anika, so I didn't want to give her blackmail material for when she wanted to hold something against me.
But then again… if I didn't justify myself, she might overthrow me and that would totally ruin all chances I had of victory against Ezra. My subordinates were more than likely to take her side than mine because it was indeed true that Anika had built that pack up from the scratch. So there was no doubt that I’d be left with nothing if I didn’t have her support.
"You can't possibly believe that some human woman is worth throwing away all the effort we spent in our preparations these past two months!" Anika exclaimed, her voice rising when she didn’t get the explanation she wanted.
"Watch your tone, Luna!" I warned, but she wasn't listening.
"No, you watch yourself, Silas!" she argued. "If you think that I'm just gonna sit here and watch you ruin all that I worked hard to build and lead my people into a battle that we are bound to lose, then you're wrong! I don't give a damn if you're the Alpha now!"
And as the volume of her tone rose, so, too, did my temper. Finally, I lost my composure and said something I never thought I would admit to her out loud.
My voice turned steely. Cold. "I'm not emotionally unstable, you fool," I said. "It's just that the Moon Goddess fucked me a million times over, because that human woman you said isn't worth my while? Well, I'll have you know that not only is she Ezra's second chance mate…she is my mate as well. And she was mine first."