Logan
I couldn't wait to get out of here. A part of me wanted to run out there and look for her, but I knew I had to be cautious. I haven't seen Sophie in so long.
I'm unsure of what I will say when she's in front of me. What if she moved and I find she's not alone? What if she came back married, or engaged?
I know Troy has great communication with her, but one rule I had to enforce was that he was not allowed to talk about her. It was too painful for me. I itched to know about her, the little that he knew, I wanted to know; all of it. But, it was doing more damage than good to me.
I had to beg him not to tell me anymore. Until I was able to hear her name without lashing out or breaking down, her name could not be spoken in front of me.
I want to go so bad and confront her now, but I can't. I have to cool down and come to my senses before I go off on her for just leaving me. Until then, I guess I will just stay away. At least, a few days.
I decided to go home and take Charlie out for a walk. That old pup still has good energy. He's spoiled as fuck by my mom, but she feeds him way too much. I make sure he takes daily walks so he stays healthy, otherwise, he'd be obese.
I guess a walk in the park will do us both good.
*******
Sophie
"Well, you better get in there. Don't want a moody Nate the rest of the day, now do you? I'll take care of these things. Go." Lexie suggested, pointing to the backyard and grabbing the wine cups I took out of the bag.
Nathan was kicking the grass and walking around with his hands in his pocket. His nanny had given up trying to make him play with his soccer ball, so she sat resting on a lawn chair.
I slid the door open and went outside. I was hit by a nice breeze cooling my face, helping me to calm my nerves.
"Nancy, could you please give me a minute?" I said looking at Nate and sighing.
She sat reading a magazine with her legs crossed over. She stood up and smiled, "Oh, sure. I'll be inside if you need me." She responded, walking towards the house and closing the glass door.
"Nate. Baby, can you come here for me, please?" I asked, sitting on the edge of a lawn chair. He looked over one side, squinting an eye to cover himself from the sun.
He slumped his shoulders and walked towards me, dropping his little body next to me.
"Nate, can you please talk to me? Tell me why you're so mad." I said, turning towards him, putting one foot on either side of him, and placing him between my legs. I pulled him towards me, hugging him. But he still refused to look at me, deciding on playing with a loose strand on the fabric of the chair.
"Baby? Please talk to me. Are you that mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you."
"Yes, you are. I can tell when you're upset with me. You know that."
"How can you tell?" He finally looked at me giving me that tender pout when he is pondering on something I've said.
"Because I'm your mom, and I love you, and mommy can always tell when something is bothering you. Please talk to me Natey!" I pleaded with him to tell me what was bothering him. Though I knew the reason, I wanted him to know he could talk to me each time something was bothering him.
"I'm not mad, mom. I just.." He turned back to the loose strand of fabric pulling on it tighter, making his skin red.
"What is it, baby?" I said hugging him again and kissing the top of his head.
"Mom, how come I don't have a dad? All the other kids in my other school have dads, why don't I have one?" My heart sank at his words. I knew one day, eventually, this conversation would come up. Though deep down I hoped it was later than sooner.
I took a long sigh, tilting my head heavenward, and closed my eyes. I tried gathering strength and the right words to talk to him. He was small, but Nate was really smart. I feared he would hate me if he knew.
"Nathan, I know I haven't talked to you about your dad. But, that doesn't mean you don't have one, it's just-"
"Wait, I have a dad? Where is he? Can we go see him?" He began questioning me, jumping up with a gleam in his little eyes.
"Nate, wait... Calm down."
"How do you want me to calm down, mom? I want to know about him. What is his name? Where does he live? Why... Why doesn't he live with us? Mom?" His little voice went from excitement to a sad tone.
I pursed my eyebrows, I knew it was hurting him, not knowing who his dad was. And it hurt me to keep him away from his dad for so long. I was beginning to doubt whether it was the right decision to run away for so long. To never tell Nathan about his dad, just like I was now doubting whether it was the right decision to never tell Logan about Nathan's existence.
I sat there quietly with him for a while and hugged him tightly.
"Is he not here because he didn't want me?" He asked making me grunt under my breath in regret.
"Nathan, no. Why would you say that? No baby." I hugged him tightly, embracing him, and hoping that he doesn't hate me.
"I promise that one day very soon I will introduce you to him. I don't know how he will take the news, because he doesn't know about you, and that was my mistake. But whatever the outcome is, Nate, I want you to know that I love you. I will always love you, and I will always be here for you, ok? " I cupped his face and wiped away the tears in his eyes as he nodded in agreement.
It was breaking my heart to see him this way.
"I'll tell you what... There's a park nearby, where a lot of the neighbors take their dogs out for a walk and I bet there's going to be lots of kids you can befriend there. I think you and I should go out there for a walk, don't you think so?"
His face lit up, and he smiled brightly. That big smile I love seeing on his little face. "Ok." He nodded and jumped up and down.
******
I went to change into more comfortable clothing and changed him into clothes he'd feel comfortable playing in. I drove to the park and let him play for a little. We then took a stroll down the pathway around the park. He kept stopping to see the dogs.
"Mom, can I have a puppy? Please?" He asked, tilting his head to his side.
"I will think about it," I replied making him smile. A barking was heard in the back of me, and a cute French bulldog came our way from behind, jumping onto my leg the second he reached us.
"Hi, puppy." Nathan bent down petting it, a bright smile on his face as the dog jumped and waged his tail, licking Nathan on his cheek. Nathan couldn't stop laughing, the dog kept licking him and playing with him.
"He's so cute. Look, mommy? His name is...." He grabbed his collar reading his tag.
"Charlie, Charlie, wait." My heart sank. I knew that voice. I knew it too well. This was the time I wished I was invisible.
"Yeah, Charlie. Hi, Charlie. Who's a good boy?" Nathan said, grabbing the old pup by his face.
"Sorry about that. He's fast for an old pup. He got away from me for a second while I tied my shoe." I closed my eyes and turned slowly, his eyes and mine met. His smile went from a happy gleam to an awkward stare.
"Sophie."
"Logan! Mom, this is my friend, Logan. You remember me, right?" Nathan added making the awkwardness grow.
"Hi, Xander. Right? Wait...Mom? Did- did he just call you, mom?" He asked with a shocked look in his eyes. The butterflies in my stomach grew intensely, I wanted to run, hide, but I knew I had nowhere to go.
"Yeah, she's my mom, Logan. Is this your dog? What's his name? He's a blue French bulldog, isn't he? My mom used to have one, she showed me pictures of him." I couldn't stop looking at Logan. He looked absolutely dashing.
Dashing? Forget dashing- he looked fucking hot. He was no longer the young boy I dated, he was a man, a hot-looking man.
"Is he....your son?"
"He....yes," I responded.
He stayed silent for a while, he then cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. God, I love it when he does that- wait what? No, Focus Sophie!
"Logan, there you are, I've been looking for you. Troy said you'd be down here walking Charlie." Amber stopped in front of us. I hadn't seen her since high school, and by the looks of it, she didn't recognize me.
"Logan," a little girl that looked my son's age followed her, holding her hand. She had beautiful light brown hair and blue eyes.
"Your.....your daughter is calling you. I should go." I said grabbing Nathan's hand and walking away.
"But, mom, I want to pet the doggy."
"Next time baby. We have to go." I said walking quickly towards the car. I could hear Logan calling after me.
"Don't look back. Don't look back." My eyes pricked with tears as I walked away. His daughter truly is beautiful. And why wouldn't she? Both Amber and Logan are great-looking.
"Mom, why does my friend know your name? I never told him your name." He said pacing quickly after me.
I unlocked the car and opened the door letting Nathan in, he was confused about what was happening, and I knew I had to sit with him and explain that there was nothing wrong when we got home.
"We'll talk about this as soon as we get home, ok?" I explained, buckling him in. His little hand wiping away my tears. I hadn't even realized I was crying. God, I must look so pathetic.
I went around, ready to get in my car.
"Sophie, wait. Please." Logan ran towards me, calling out for me to stop.
I looked past him. Amber held the leash to my pup. My Charlie! The one Logan had given me as a present for my birthday. I couldn't believe he was still alive.
My heart filled with rage at that moment. Reminiscing back to the day he gave him to me. But, then the memories would go straight to the moment Amber said she was pregnant with his baby as well.
I got in my car without hesitation and sped off. I wanted to be away from him right now, far.....far away from him.
********