Narrated by Mason
It has been a few weeks, exactly four, and Peyton is stressing me out with the house move. The truth is, I've been trying to create as many obstacles as possible to avoid living in that place. However, she's determined to have that house.
Through Ethan, I found out that my now ex-wife went back to where she was living, a place that I still don't know about by her orders. I can't see her social media because she deleted me from all of them, but despite the time that has passed, she still occupies my heart entirely.
My mother has been visiting Peyton and helping me come up with excuses to live in my own house. She even offered her a better one as a wedding gift, but Peyton is not convinced to accept it.
Simba stayed with my parents. Paige left him with them because she didn't think it was fair to take him away and separate him from everyone. That's good because it means she has to visit him from time to time, which works well for me. Although my mother will know when she's coming, she warned me that she won't disclose the exact date so that I don't go to see her alone.
I visit Simba almost daily at my parents' house, but Peyton doesn't seem very happy about it. I've invited her to come with me, but she says she's not a fan of animals, especially this one that reminds her of Paige.
Sarah is enjoying her pregnancy, as is my best friend Riley, who surprisingly knows Peyton from where they used to live. It's comforting to know that she has a friend, although it was strange to see them together at first. Now I don't dwell on it anymore; they know what they're doing.
I spend most of the day working. I've lost weight because I'm not eating well, and honestly, I have no appetite. I feel lonely and sad. Paige is the woman I love, and no matter how much I try to pretend, I can't love Peyton or reciprocate her feelings.
During Peyton's last check-up, she didn't give me advance notice, and I had an important meeting that I couldn't postpone. I thought she would be angry, and she was, but not in the way I expected. I found myself apologizing for days, but it wasn't necessary because she understood about the meeting very easily. Sometimes I truly don't understand her mood swings. Some days, everything bothers her, and other days, nothing does. It confuses me not knowing how she's feeling because I feel like I'm walking on hidden landmines when I'm with her.
I think about what my mother told me when she met Peyton, and she was right. Even though they get along better now and see each other often, I remember her words and reflect on them. She told me that Peyton wasn't who I thought she was, that she didn't show her true self. Now, when I look at her, I think she was right about that. It's as if I'm getting to know her all over again. The only thing this provokes is that I feel less than just affection and gratitude towards her.
Narrated by Paige:
Another month has passed, and it has been two months since I've been with anyone. The last time I shared my bed with a man was the day before I returned from the trip.
Lately, I haven't been feeling well. I think I'm falling into depression due to everything that has happened in these past few months. I have frequent headaches, and I feel sleepy most of the time. As for my work with Tabatha, I no longer do it full-time. I'm only teaching my replacement now since managing my online business is already causing me enough stress in my daily life.
I talk to Riley and Sarah on the phone every day. They always make time to call me or send me messages, and I appreciate that. In just two more months, I have to go back for Sarah and Ethan's baby gender reveal. I also talk to Emily daily because I decided to leave Simba with her. I couldn't expose him to travel again, considering how uncomfortable it is, and being here with me alone in this place. On the other hand, there, he has everyone he knows. It wouldn't be fair to take him away due to my selfishness or my desire to forget the love I felt and still feel for Mason, whom I must mention I haven't heard anything about regarding what's happening with him.
Lucas has become a great friend, and I appreciate the time he spends with me as friends. Even though I know how he feels about me, Lucas respects that I don't see him in the same way. He's quite attractive, but I can't see him as anything more than a great friend.
My friends who welcomed me initially continue to visit me, and we meet up to go out. However, this past week, sleep has been overwhelming me, and everyone is concerned about my health. They insist that I see a doctor or psychologist, depending on what I need. The truth is, I am worried about the extreme sleepiness and fatigue I'm experiencing, as well as the daily headaches. I try to manage them with as little medication as possible since I don't like taking anything without a medical prescription.
After much insistence from Tabatha, I agree to see a general practitioner. I haven't mentioned my discomfort to my friends Sarah and Riley because I don't want to worry them while being far away. I'm sure Riley would come to see me immediately if she knew about my headaches. I had a few before coming here, but they weren't as frequent as they are now.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with a general practitioner who will determine what kind of specialist I should see and help me better understand my headaches. They will also advise me on what I should take to get rid of them permanently from my life.