Narrated by Paige:
I took the tests, and the results will take two days—TWO DAYS! Ever since the doctor hinted that pregnancy is a possibility (because why else would he mention it?), I can't stop thinking about it. I've reached a point where I might even psych myself into getting pregnant. I've been observing myself in the mirror, and well, I haven't gained or lost weight. I haven't had any nausea, dizziness, or vomiting. Honestly, several times a day, I check my belly to see if it's still flat.
I've become the laughingstock among my friends with my craziness about a possible pregnancy. I remember that yesterday when I came back from the doctor, they came over to see me.
*Flashback*
"Hey, friend! How did it go?" they both ask, concerned, at the same time.
"Fine, they asked for blood tests as part of a check-up," I say, trying to leave it at that. But my not-so-discreet friend smiles and says, "You might be pregnant," then heads to the kitchen.
"What? Pregnant?" John asks me.
"Yes, but that's not the case. My female cycle has been normal with no disruptions, and it's been two months since I had sex. So, logically, the doctor is mistaken," I say, confident in my words.
"Can you imagine a baby here? We would be the doting aunt and uncle, spoiling them, and they would be so loved," my friend says.
"I'm not pregnant," I say, feeling tired.
"If that were the case, would you go back to your country? What would you do?" John's partner asks me.
"I wouldn't go back. As for telling Mason... I don't think it's a good idea. Besides, he already has his own family, and he's probably married to Peyton. Why tell him he's going to be a father with me? It's not a good idea. I'll raise the child alone. They won't lack love, that's for sure. But I repeat, I'm not pregnant," I say, sighing.
*End of flashback*
Is it possible that I could be pregnant? That's the question that has been lingering in my mind all day. I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I searched on the internet, and it says that it's possible to be pregnant due to headaches, as they can be caused by a sudden increase in hormones in the body. In some cases, headaches are common in the first trimester. I also looked up the pills the doctor prescribed, and they are safe to take during pregnancy—just paracetamol.
I gave up coffee, something I love, but I'd rather be cautious in the hypothetical case that I am pregnant. Caffeine is not good for the baby. I'm already thinking like a mother, how crazy.
As for not telling Mason, it's the best thing I can do. After all, he was quite honest when he said that you can't control matters of the heart and that he is in love with her. Why would I tell him if I'm pregnant? Assuming that I am, of course. He doesn't deserve any pity from me. He wasted no time in moving on with his beloved. It's unnecessary to tell him and make him feel guilty or sorry for me, hoping he would maintain contact because of the potential baby I might be expecting.
Moreover, being a single mother is not a bad thing nowadays, although it never has been. I have the financial stability to support a child, and I also have the emotional stability to ensure that the child will be raised with good values and loved by many people in this community. I won't be alone because my friends have told me that I have their full support if it turns out that I am indeed expecting a baby.
I spend the rest of the day working, as it is the best thing, I can do to distract myself from dwelling on an uncertain future due to the possibility of being pregnant.
The next day, I don't even want to hear the word "baby," "pregnancy," "child," or anything similar. I shut myself off from that possibility. I don't want to think about it until the doctor tells me what's going on with me.
I spend the day alternating between sleeping and having video conferences with my vice president and assistant. They are excellent workers who manage the company in the best way. They don't make any decisions without consulting me, and I truly appreciate that. I told them to contact me at any time if there's anything they need to inform me about, and they have fulfilled that. Although I'm not sure if it's on their own initiative, they only contact me during daylight hours and have never bothered me at night.
My friends Sarah and Riley reach out to me and ask how I'm doing. They are not aware of my doctor's visit. I don't want to tell them anything, even if it turns out that I am pregnant. It's not because I don't trust them, but it's news that shouldn't be shared over the phone. I find out about Sarah's progress in her pregnancy, and I imagine myself possibly being in the same state in a few months. It's all so crazy.
As for Emily, we talk every day through video calls and messages. She shows me everything Simba does, and when we video chat, I talk to my baby, who recognizes my voice. It hurts to see Mason in this way, but I'm sure it's the best thing I could do for him.
I haven't heard anything about Mason. Everyone knows that when they talk to me, they shouldn't mention anything about him and his life.
I feel good, despite being nervous about finding out the results. I feel sleepy and have headaches, but I feel like I did the right thing. Falling in love with Mason was not smart on my part, but as my ex said, the heart doesn't follow orders, and unfortunately, I couldn't control my feelings for him.
Maybe one day I'll forget and heal my wounds. I'll manage to fall in love again and rebuild my life. It's not something impossible, on the contrary, it's common to see people achieve it. Why wouldn't I?
I check the time, and its dinner time. I don't even have an appetite because of how anxious I am to see the test results. I have something healthy for dinner—I've been eating vegetables and meals prepared by Tabatha, who is very concerned about me and my health. She asks if I'm eating well, if I'm hungry, or if I have cravings. She's already treating me like a pregnant woman, even though I asked her not to. She says that if I am pregnant, she is helping my baby grow healthily, and if I'm not, she is taking care of my health.
I feel grateful for finding these people in my life. I never imagined that from the trip that made me so happy at that moment and later plunged me into a free fall when I was at the top, I would have such beautiful people by my side. And the best part is that they're here to stay.
After dinner, I go to sleep. I've been respecting my sleep schedule, not staying up late working or watching TV.
It's a new day, and I'll finally find out what's going on with my health. I feel anxious, not even waking up with an appetite. I go down to the kitchen and see Tabatha preparing breakfast.
"Good morning," I greet with little enthusiasm.
"Good day, friend. How did you sleep? Are you feeling, okay?" she asks, concerned about my appearance.
"I feel fine, just anxious about knowing the results. I don't have an appetite," I say, sitting down in a chair.
"No 'I'm not hungry.' You have to eat. Besides, breakfast is the most important meal of the day," she says, handing me a vegetable omelet.
"Isn't it too early to eat an omelet?" I ask, smiling just to tease her.
"It's never too early to eat vegetables. It's a healthy dish with lots of green veggies that help prevent anemia. Everything is designed for your well-being," she continues serving while talking.
After finishing, she sits next to me and hands me a completely natural fruit juice. How do I know before even tasting it? Easy, the orange and carrot peels on the table give it away.
Every time it's time for me to eat, whatever it may be, Tabatha watches me until I finish and leave the plate empty. I feel like a little child being monitored to eat their vegetables.
"I really don't have much of an appetite, and you always serve me twice as much as yourself, which isn't fair. Are you trying to make me gain weight to prove you're the more attractive one?" I say, pouting.
"Don't exaggerate. Of course, you need to eat more than me. You're eating for two. I can't shake off the feeling that you're pregnant, and I would even bet that I'm right. Now finish eating because we need to go to the doctor's appointment to find out the results," she says, getting up. I look at her plate, which is already empty, and I wonder, when did she eat her omelet? I didn't even notice. It's as if it was frozen, and she took the opportunity to eat it just to leave me wondering about this.
She leaves me alone in the kitchen, which is a miracle. She always stays until the end to make sure I eat everything she prepares. I'll end up rolling by the end of this year, that's something I'm sure of.
Reluctantly, not because the food is bad, but because I'm being forced to eat, I finish my meal and get ready to see the doctor.
She didn't take long to get ready; the anxiety made it a record time for me getting ready. I wait in the living room for my friend, who is still not ready. I check the time and, losing the little patience I have left, I exclaim, "If you don't come now, I'll go alone," and I glance at the clock again.
I hear her footsteps rushing to where I am. I smile and stop when I see her approaching. I enjoy teasing her on occasions like this. One thing she hates is being rushed when she's getting ready.
"I'm here now," she says with a smile, which is strange, too strange.
"Aren't you upset that I rushed you?" I ask, knowing that I might regret it.
"Only if you're pregnant, I'll let it slide for the nine months of pregnancy. Now let's go, I want to know if I'll be an aunt," she says excitedly, clapping her hands.
"What if it's you who gets pregnant?" Now it's me who smiles.
"I'm not in the mental state to be a mother. The most I aspire to is being the crazy and fun aunt," she replies, winking at me.
I watch her walk towards the exit, and I can't help but roll my eyes when she says she's not mentally capable of being a mother. She may always appear happy and tough, but deep down, she's deeply wounded and hasn't found the right person to help heal her scars. No matter how much she claims to have moved on from that terrible experience, I don't believe it's true.
"In the event that I am pregnant, I would be delighted for her to be the crazy aunt. I'm already envisioning the uncles of a child that doesn't even exist yet! On the way, I don't say anything; I just twist my fingers nervously. I want to know what I have. I wasn't in a condition to drive, so Tabatha is the designated driver today.
My friends John and Matthew wanted to come with me; they're excited about a new addition to our 'eccentric chosen family,' as they say. They believe that even though we're not related by blood, we are family in our hearts. It took some convincing to get them not to come today, but in the end, Tabatha managed to persuade them by promising that if I am indeed pregnant, they will take turns accompanying me to prenatal check-ups. That got them even more excited than they already were. I think I'm the most mature one in this family. I'm the one who brings order on certain occasions, and I must admit that I feel like the mother figure for all of them. I love knowing that they rely on me in their difficult times. How do I know? When they need someone to talk to, they call me. I'm the one who listens and advises better than anyone else. They even acknowledged this during a gathering we had at home. And here I was thinking it was because they loved me—that was my response at the time. Poor things thought I was serious about it when it was just a joke.
We arrive at the doctor's office quickly, or maybe it doesn't feel that way because I've been reminiscing and lost track of time. Once again, we find ourselves here, and the receptionist informs us that the doctor will see us shortly. You might wonder why I didn't read the results myself. Well, they were sent directly to the doctor. So, all I can do now is wait for the doctor to call me and find out what will happen to my future.
Thirty minutes later, the doctor's door opens, and I see a couple holding hands and smiling as he caresses her protruding belly. I widen my eyes in disbelief, and I don't want to be in that situation. No, no, no. I refuse to go through that. I look at my friend and say,
— "I'm not ready to be a mother either," I say, my breathing starting to accelerate.
— "Of course, you are. Out of all the members of our crazy family, you're the only one who could give us a baby, and we're sure you'll raise it in the best possible way," my friend reassures me, trying to calm me down.
— "No, I can't. Let's just go and let time tell us if I am or not," I say as I stand up, feeling like I'm having a panic attack.
— "It's okay, the doctor is waiting for you," I hear from behind me.
I close my eyes and gulp down a large amount of saliva. Just as I was about to leave, the doctor asks me to come in for the consultation. Lucky me, note the sarcasm.
We enter the consultation room, and the doctor is reading my test results—I can tell because my name is at the top of the report. I sit in the same spot as last time and wait for him to finish reading while he scribbles down numbers and strange names. I'm not good with the human body, so I hope he explains everything in simple terms.
Tabatha, who doesn't have much patience, clears her throat, catching the doctor's attention.
— "I'm sorry, I was jotting down the data to update your medical record. You'll need to come for regular check-ups, and well, the results show a slight anemia that can be improved with an iron-rich diet and some vitamins. It's not serious, it's mild and easy to control. In addition to that, congratulations, your human chorionic gonadotropin hormone (chg.) levels are high. This hormone is produced during pregnancy. You'll need to see a specialist..." I don't get to hear the rest because everything turns black.
I feel a light slap on my cheek and hear someone calling my name. I move my head with my eyes still closed, then I open my eyes and blink several times to adjust to the light. I find myself lying on the examination table, but I remember being seated in a chair. How did I end up here? I see my friend holding my hand on one side of the table, and the doctor on the other side, looking at me. He takes a miniature flashlight and examines my eyes.
"Are you feeling, okay?" he asks, looking serious.
"Yes, what happened?" I ask, a bit confused.
"Friend, they were explaining about the pregnancy, and you fainted out of nowhere. You gave us a big scare," my friend says nervously, and I remember that if I'm pregnant, oh god, I'm going to have Mason's child.
I try to sit up, but the doctor stops me.
"You need to stay lying down for a few more minutes. Everything looks fine; it must have been the shock of the news or the pressure. As I mentioned before, you'll need regular check-ups with a specialist to monitor the fetus closely," he explains, speaking a language that sounds alien to me.
"I think I'll be the one to give her that information once she assimilates the news, doctor. For now, it's better if she recovers from the fainting spell so we can go home. You can give me instructions about prenatal vitamins and everything she needs to eat, and I'll make sure she follows it all," my friend says, excitedly taking charge.
"Alright, let's leave her here to rest while I give you the prescription for prenatal vitamins and an informational leaflet about iron-rich vegetables that can help with anemia," the doctor responds, and they continue talking as if I'm not here.
I watch them go to the front of the consultation room, where I was supposed to be just moments ago. I stare at the ceiling, thinking about everything that lies ahead. I need to talk to Sarah and Riley, and also Ethan. And I have to figure out what to do about Emily and my ex-father-in-law.
What should I do about them? They've never been mean to me to warrant hiding this information from them. On the other hand, if I tell them, they'll tell their son, and that's not what I want. Countless scenarios run through my mind because I can't stop myself from visiting Simba throughout the pregnancy. Besides, they'll see my growing belly and draw their own conclusions, and that won't help me have a calm and relaxed pregnancy.
Calm and relaxed? What a funny joke. I wish I could experience my pregnancy that way, without stress, but it's impossible. Just hearing the news made me faint, and the worst part is that I haven't fully recovered from that, and now I'm thinking about everything that lies ahead. It won't be easy to go through everything I'll have to experience. Especially visiting my friend during her delivery with my advanced pregnancy. Damn it, I have to figure out how to handle it. So many things to consider.
I raise my hands to my belly and gently caress it with my fingers. It may just be a dot, and I may not feel anything I do on my skin, but it makes me feel good and even more connected to my baby.