Dylan
I downed my drink as I sat at the bar. My hands were on top of the cold-hard wood top. I gestured to the bartender to serve me another drink. I don't know what the hell I was thinking messing around with a colleague of mine. Casey and I became good friends. He taught me a lot when I entered the medical profession in the military. He was already working as a doctor, and he took me in showing me everything he knew so that I wouldn't struggle so much. We were great friends, even after he found out from the others that I was gay. For the first few years, he saw me and treated me for me, not for what I was, but for who I was.
But then almost three years ago, it somehow just...happened. I was missing Troy so much.
The more I talked to him, the less I felt I deserved him in my life. He was doing so good with his business, and my profession was so stressful. I honestly didn't think I would ever make it as a doctor., if it wasn't for Casey, who kept pushing me to keep trying, I probably would have given up. He became like a best friend.
Someone I could rely on and talk to. He knew I was gay, and I was being harassed and getting a hard time from the other guys for being gay. I didn't care...I was used to it. I've dealt with assholes like them all the time. But Casey was the only one in there that treated me like a human being. Thing is... He wasn't even gay. He had only been with women before, and even when I met him, he continued to sleep with women who he'd meet at bars on our night off.
One night while we were extremely intoxicated, he confessed that he had thought about what it would be like to be with a man. It intrigued him. Before I could process what was happening, he was on top of me, kissing me, undressing me. We had sex, but in my mind, I kept thinking it was wrong. I love Troy, and I wanted to be with him. But I let my damn hormones take over, and slept with him that night.
I tried pushing it aside, it was just one night after all...or at least, that's what I kept repeating to myself in my head. I woke up the next morning, explaining to him that it was a one-night-only and nothing else could ever happen between us. I intended on letting Troy know, to apologize to him, but Casey was right. If I told Troy, it had to be face to face, not over the phone. So I waited, hoping to see him soon. But, each time I wanted to visit, he wasn't home, he was out on business. When he had a free day, I was too busy. The days turned to weeks, the weeks into months. I should have followed my gut and told him right away, but my fear of losing him made me afraid.
The guilt kept on eating me alive, and the more time passed by, the harder it became for me to confess to him. But then, Casey became touchy. Each time he thought we were alone, he'd grope me, rub himself against me, he'd wait until I had to go into the medicine room to try and seduce me. No matter how bad I tried to explain to him that I loved Troy, he insisted that it was ok. He wasn't looking for a relationship, just a friend that would help to ease his need for pleasure.
It wasn't until almost a year after when Troy and I barely saw each other or talked, that we ended in bed again. Casey had long given up...until that night. I needed Troy so bad. The guys were giving me hell, and Casey remained my only friend. I mislead him, I just wanted a friend to talk to and be there for me, but he had a way to make me feel on edge. We slept together a few more times until I couldn't do it anymore. My guilt was far too much. I broke it off, told him that I couldn't do this to Troy, and that I planned on marrying him. IF...he ever forgave me.
He was crushed. He yelled at me, punched me a few times, and then cried, telling me that he had fallen for me. But my heart had always belonged to Troy. Soon after, he was deployed. I wasn't deployed until almost three months after him. When I arrived at my destination, I never thought I would see him again, until I walked into the infirmary. He was tending to a wounded soldier, bandaging his arm. It was as if we never knew each other.
Two weeks after I arrived, we were called out for an emergency. A convoy had been ambushed, and many soldiers were wounded. When we git there, it was a complete mess, a few soldiers were still firing towards the target, and we went to their aid. Soon as we could, we took them to a near building to treat them. Casey was busy tending to a soldier that had been shot on his leg, far too close to an artery. But the enemy had called for backup. They made their way in and started firing at us, Casey had taken off his helmet to work more comfortably. Something he knew he never had to do, but he did anyway. He was shot right on his neck.
I was crushed. Despite me not being in love with him, nor having any loving emotions towards him, he was still a friend to me. It broke my heart to see him like that. He died in my arms that day, but not before he made me promise him to look after his family...especially his little sister, and niece. There's not a day I don't see that image in my head. His last breath, the color in his eyes fading away as he held onto my shirt tightly until his body lost all strength. It haunts me at night, just like all the other men I saw lose their life out there.
*******
The bartender came, poured me another whiskey, and continued to be on his way. "I knew you'd be here. What are you drinking?" a soft voice and a feminine hand ran across my shoulders. I was already buzzed. I didn't care though. I had just lost the love of my life because I wasn't man enough, to be honest with him.
I turned my head slightly, seeing it was Roxanne sitting next to me. "Rox, what do you want?" I said, slurring my words and downing my drink. I could hear her chuckling as she takes the seat next to me. "Why are you so down? Troy and you got into a little argument or something? Come on, forget about him...there is plenty of fish in the sea." she says, making me angry.
I stood quickly, pushing the stool behind me, and making it fall on the ground. "What the fuck were you thinking? How could you tell Troy what happened between me and your brother? It was supposed to be me who had to tell him, not you. What the hell is your problem Rox? What did I ever do to you?" she laughed making me angrier.
"Why are you so on edge? If anything, I should be the one mad. You were supposed to look after my brother. I mean if you were fucking him, the least you could have done was save his life. You're a pathetic excuse for a doctor Dylan. Pathetic...just like all your friends."
"Don't test me, little girl. I may be nice to you because your brother made me promise, but it doesn't mean I'll allow some little whore come between me and my man. True, your brother and I had a fling, but we were good friends and that's why promised to look after you and your family. But you know... Up to now, all I see is a selfish little girl that has taken advantage of me. I helped you get on your feet, helped you finish college, and I even got you that damn apartment you wanted because you said you wanted a place for you and your daughter. But where is she, Rox? Your mom is the one looking after her." I blurted out making her clench her jaw.
I got closer to her, clenching my jaw in anger. I was done having this little brat take advantage of me and my money. "I'm done with you Rox. Either you get your shit together, or I will report you for child abandonment, make sure your mom gets full custody of that little girl, or hand her over to her daddy...if...you know who he is...do you?"
"Of course I do. And you're not giving her to him. She's mine." she yells out, making heads turn. I smirk, and though I was stumbling a bit, I knew one thing... It was time to make her pay for her actions.
"Do you? Then who? Russell? Steven? Or maybe... What was his name? Skeeter?" I chuckled at the last name. The kid Skeeter was a cool nerd in our high school. He was pretty smart, and shy, but yes...she had dated him until she started changing and then began dating Russell. That was.., until he found her sleeping with Steven at a party, and other guys soon after. Don't know why Russell kept dating her, she was an easy target to all the guys. They all knew she was an easy lay.
She slapped me hard on my cheek, and had tears in her eyes. Was she angry? Damn right...that was the point, but did I care? Fuck no. She did far more damage to me and Troy than what I was just about to do to her.
"We are a few days before the start of October. Make sure you pay your rent and bills. Because you can bet your ass I'm not doing it anymore. The same for your precious little car, your insurance, and since I'm not the father of your kid, and she's not even living with you...you can forget the money I was giving you monthly to help for her expenses. Get yourself a sugar daddy you'll actually have to fuck from now on. And another thing..." I say placing two hundred dollars under my cup, "If I see that you even try and lay a hand on Troy, or any of my friends... I will personally make sure you pay. Got it?" I glare at her, gritting my teeth.
I turn, giving her no time to respond and get out of the bar. I lock my car, turn on the alarm, and get on an Uber to get home. I was glad this place usually has Uber drivers already waiting outside. As I get driven home...I feel the nostalgia of not having Troy with me. His ring is still in my pocket. I take it out and stare at it intensely. The tears in my eyes roll down uncontrollably as the realization that he's no longer mine pains me away. I fucked up, I fucked up big time. And this time... I think it will be impossible to get him back.
*******