AUTHORS NOTE: THIS Chapter CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL ABOUT A MISCARRIAGE AND CAN TRIGGER A FEW READERS. PLEASE PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN, MAY I SAY THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I FEEL YOUR PAIN, AND OUR LITTLE ONES WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.
Logan
I was scared out of my mind. Nothing in this world could have ever prepared me for what was happening. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to handle this? I'm trying my hardest to be supportive to Sophie, but how can I be? If I don't even know what to make of it.
My baby...my baby might be at risk right now, and I don't know what I will do, or how I will react if something happens to either one of them.
I waited patiently for news from the doctor. They didn't hesitate to take her in, which I was glad. But it's been over two hours, and yet, I'm still here waiting for news or an update.
I sat at one of the chairs amidst the waiting area, with my head down, trying to fight back the urge to burst through those doors. I can't stop tapping my left foot from how nervous and scared I'm feeling. I sighed and ran my hands across my face with frustration. Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse... "Fucking hell," I said, punching the table next to me. I closed my eyes, throwing my head back against the wall.
My phone vibrated, followed by a notification of a text message from mom. "We're here for you sweetheart. Please keep Sophie and my grand-baby safe. We'll be here waiting for you three to come home." I sighed as I wrote back, my eyes blurred as they filled with tears. "Thanks, mom. You're the best in the world, you know that?"
The door opened, followed by a doctor and Sophie's OB-Gyn. I stood quickly, placing the phone back in my pocket. "Doc,"
They smiled, but I could tell they were hiding something from me, I can see through them that it didn't look promising. The doc sighed and squeezed my shoulder, "Logan, Sophie is fine sweetie, we... We had to give her a small sedative to make her fall asleep. She's a bit overwhelmed right now." I felt a deep pain in my heart. I didn't like one bit the sound of that. "But, what about the baby?" I asked concerned with our little bundle.
They looked at each other, the other doctor nodding and pursing her lips, "You know, Sophie gave us a bit of a scare in there, didn't she? Honey, Would you like to go in and say hi to Sophie? She's been asking for you, maybe you can catch her before she falls completely asleep." she says making my nerves go out of control. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "Doc?..." I pleaded, my tears ran down unwillingly.
She gestures towards the door, "This way, sweetie."
"Doc, please?"
"Logan, the baby ... The baby did not make it. The heartbeat was too slow, we tried our best to find a solution, but I'm afraid the baby has left us. We had to place Sophie under an oxygen mask, her oxygen levels were too low, but..." she said making me close my eyes and feeling my heartbreak.
"Why? Why did this happen?" I asked, almost as if complaining to God for letting this happen.
"She...developed a small blood clot near the uterus, and unfortunately we were unable to detect it in time. It caused Sophie to miscarry the baby. I'm very sorry, Logan. I know how much both of you were looking forward to having another baby, but the stress she has been undergoing lately took a toll on her and the baby. I'm going to need Sophie to stay for the next few days for observation. I'll need you to come to my office before she leaves so we can talk about proper care for her. Now more than ever, Sophie will need your support. Please, try to understand her. She will be very emotional for the next few days, weeks even. I am here for both of you if you need me. Again, I am so sorry honey." Her old wrinkled eyes gave me a look of sincere sympathy that made me lose it.
I dropped to my knees, crying my heart out as I felt my world crushing. The knot in my throat was unbearable. My Sophie, my poor Sophie, and my little bundle. Why? Why did this have to happen? We did everything we were asked to. She did very little exercise, worked fewer hours, ate well, and took all the vitamins that the doc asked for. Yet, I didn't take care of her enough.
I should have done more, I should have begged her to stop working, hired a whole staff for her and... And put every fucking person causing her stress in its place. I didn't know what to think or say. I was hurt, I was sad, angry, and bitter.
The doctor held me right as I cried on that hospital floor until I calmed a bit. "You need to be strong for the both of you right now, sweetie. Sophie needs you, when you're ready, you can go ahead and go see her, ok?" she says in a soft whisper.
I followed her right behind, it was as if the corridor was getting longer and longer as I took another step. She finally stopped at a door, knocking on it softly and opening it. "Hi Sophie, I have someone eager to see you," she says, before allowing me to walk past her.
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I slowly went inside the room. Sophie lay half asleep in the bed with the oxygen tube still attached to her nose. Her right hand was punctured with an IV that pumped a clear fluid in her. The same fluid is given to women to induce labor, though for us... We will not be going home with ours.
Though our baby had already passed, Sophie still had to go through there pain of delivering the baby, just as if she was going into labor.
Soon as she sees me, she turns away from me and begins to cry. I can't help but run to her side and embrace her.
"Why, Logan? Why? My baby," She quivers, barely being able to speak through her tears. I had to be strong for both of us. I wiped away my eyes, looking at her, " Baby, I know this is hard. But I want you to know I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. Not now... Not ever. I love you, Sophie, and I will always be by your side no matter what. We will get through this, baby. I promise we will get through this. One way or another... We will get through it. I love you, baby girl." I kissed her as I cupped her face. Her cheeks were soaked, her body felt light, defeated, and her eyes were missing that vibrant shine that made me know things would be alright.
I don't think life had me prepared for this. How am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to be her rock, when I feel broken as well?" The next few hours were going to be the worst in my life, as we were faced to sit here and wait for Sophie to finalize the miscarriage, and we would have a silent moment to say goodbye to our little peanut.
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