Molly
It's been a few minutes since Tom spoke those words and neither of us have said a word. Tom got back in the driver's seat a moment ago, while I remained in the middle of the cab lost in my own world. He starts up the truck and continues his way to the farm while I stare out of the window in complete silence.
Tom's words flaw me as the realization of what he means hits me full force, but surely that can't be right. "Are you trying to tell me that he likes me? As in likes me likes me? My throat feels scratchy and raw as I speak even though I've not long drunk a full bottle of water. He glances at me as he continues slowly driving down the long narrow driveway that leads to where all the others have parked.
"Yes, Molly, that's exactly what I'm saying. I know he's felt it since the moment he met you but he's hidden it under his distrust and instead made it seem like he hates you when that's really not the case." I scoff at his answer, finding it unbelievable. "There's just no way, Tom. You have seen how he's been treating me, there's no way it's nothing but hatred and all he thinks of me is of someone he needs gone. I love you sweetie, but you're wrong on this."
He gives me a sceptical look while parking up right next to Christian's truck. "I know my brother, Molly. In fact, when it comes to Christian and Jack, most of the time I know them better than they know themselves. My time away in the army and Florida never changed that."
"But, Tom, you have witnessed the way he has been. You said it yourself that you didn't understand why he has been acting how he has." He nods while reaching into the back and bringing two bottles of water into the front and passing one to me. Has he got them planted everywhere in this truck? "And I never lied about it. I couldn't understand why he was acting like that. We were raised to have respect unless given a good reason not to which he wasn't. I know he's untrustful of people, especially women, but I've also not witnessed him speaking to a woman as he has you. Jack also said the same and he's been here with him the whole time."
He takes a sip of his water, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. "What are you doing, Tom? Since when have you started that up again?" Tom and Archie used to smoke in high school and while I'd have the occasional cigarette with them mainly after a beer or two, it wasn't a hobby I took up like them, but they both quit towards the end of high school, they wanted to be free of them before the army and the only time I've seen, Tom smoke since then is when he's seriously drunk... until now that is.
"I don't plan on starting up again, but one can't hurt and will most definitely help de-stress me." He lights one up and the smell instantly surrounds me, taking me back to a more carefree time in my life. I grew up in foster homes, so my life was never completely carefree, not even when I was a child, but still, even then, things were much more carefree than they are now.
He takes a few drags before opening his packet again and offering me one. What the hell? He could be on to something here. I take one and light it up and relax back into my seat. One won't hurt, but it may well help me. "So what are you going to do about Christian?" His question makes my head whirl. I shrug my shoulders as I try and work through an answer in my head. "You can't avoid him forever, Molls."
"I know, Tom, but I just... I don't know." He gives me a knowing look. "You do know Molly now, spill!" Fuck, he knows me too well and while it's great sometimes, it's a bloody curse other times. I look down at my hands, feeling my whole body getting anxious once again. I take the cigarette that I've been playing with since Tom gave it to me and put it in my mouth, light it and feel some of the stress leave my body as I blow out my first drag. "Archie." the word is barely a whisper but a whisper that Tom hears.
He lifts his arm and wraps it around my shoulders, pulling me into him. "I know sweetheart, I know." I take another drag from the cigarette, instantly hating the taste. Why am I even smoking this? "I know there's a chance that he has betrayed me, but even then... even with that thought burned into my brain it's still so hard. It's been a year which in some ways isn't a lot of time, but we've done and been through so much in that year that it feels like it's been a lot longer and yet I still can't seem to let go."
"A year can seem quick, but in reality, it's not baby girl. A year is a long time to grieve, it's a long time to hold on to what no longer exists. I'm not saying you should have forgotten about Archie by now. I'm not saying you should ever forget about him, because I certainly won't. I'm not saying that you'll never not have a love for him or forget the time and memories that you shared."
He takes a breath while drinking some water before turning back to face me once more. "But what I am saying is it's ok to move on. You're young and still have so much of your life to live, Molls, and no matter what happened you know Archie would want the same. although..."
"Although what?" Tom never shies away from saying what he thinks. "Well, honestly... after what he did to you when he died... what he asked of you and if it's true that he's had a child with another woman, then he doesn't deserve your grief, he doesn't deserve your loyalty and he certainly doesn't deserve you to hold back your life because of him.
He was my best friend and, regardless of what he has or hasn't done, I will always miss him, always love him, but I don't agree with what he's done, never have and you know that and I don't agree with you putting your life on hold for him. You can keep him close and always treasure the memories and love that you shared while also moving on with your life, Molls. It's ok."
He's making sense. I know he is, but still, it's a hard truth to swallow. "Even if everything you say is true, I still don't understand what this has to do with, Christian. I've heard what you're saying, but we both know that no matter what he may be thinking or feeling, he doesn't trust me."
Tom's arm moves from around me for a few seconds before he nudges me, handing me another cigarette. When had I finished the other one? When had I thrown it out? The fact that I can't remember is slightly worrying, but I choose not to think too much about it and take another from Tom. I light it up and lean my head back on the headrest as I watch the smoke leave my mouth and slowly drift away. I wish my feelings and thoughts could drift away as easily.
"Ah, shit!" Tom's voice pulls my mind away from the drifting smoke. "What's wrong?" He doesn't say anything, just points towards the front window. I follow where his eyes are going until I see what he does. "Ah, bitch shit!" Just a few seconds later there is a knock on both of our windows and I cringe. I feel like a school kid about to get scolded. Maybe I can pretend I'm invisible like a child does. Maybe that can work for me.
Of course, any hopes of disappearing are all fake and a harder knock on my window has me turning my attention to it and rolling the thing down. "Hi, Molls, what ya doing there darlin'?" Jack's voice is strong with the Texan accent that he's picked up while living here. "Just talking with, Tom." I hold my hand down low like he can't see the smoke rising from the still burning cigarette. "Just talking hey, hmm seems to me like you may be lying."
"What makes you think that?" He leans in the window so that he's closer to me before sniffing the air. "Well, you know what they say, don't you? Liar liar pants on fire and it certainly seems like your pants are on fire unless there's another reason for the smoke that seems to be coming from your ass."
He may be holding his smirk, but as much as I try to hide mine, I can't and within seconds I burst out laughing. He puts his hand out palm up while staring at me. "Give it to me, now!" He's not messing around now. I hear loud banging and turn my head to see Callum still banging on Tom's window while he ignores him and it's the final straw for me as I burst out laughing with Tom soon following. "What are we, teenagers?" He asks with mock rage. He opens his window to an unimpressed Callum while Jack clears his throat and I cave handing him my cigarette and watch while he throws it on the ground and stomps on it while Callum does the same despite the colourful words leaving Tom's mouth.
How those two can keep a straight face through this I'll never know. "Mom and Dad are waiting for you both," Jack says, looking more his usual cheeky self now and less dad who caught his kids misbehaving while I hear Callum and Tom laughing over something as Tom gets out of the truck. "Next time I catch you doing that your ass is getting a slap!"
"Dream on, Jack baby!" I call out as Tom grabs my hand and we head off in front of the guys while hearing them laugh to themselves. Unfortunately, the happiness I was feeling just moments ago is quickly gone when I see the look on both Ruby's and John's faces. John steps closer to me, he doesn't say a word as he hands me a brown envelope and my heart thumps against my chest as I realize what it is.