Christian
Where are they? When Tom left to go give Molly the clothes he bought her this morning, he said that they would meet us at the farm. It's been over an hour, and there is still no sign of them and I'm getting anxious. I'm not sure what I'm going to think or feel when I see Molly again and I'm not sure what I'm going to say to her, but either way, we are talking. I want to know why she ran from me and I'm not resting until I find out.
Of course, the sensible side of me understands that she properly run because... well, frankly, I've been nothing but a dick to her since the moment she arrived, but I'm not going with my sensible side today. I'm going with the idiotic side of me that hasn't been able to stop thinking about that kiss since it happened.
I don't know what possessed me to do it... Well, I do, there's a part of me that's wanted to kiss her since the moment she turned up here, but I always let my head rule my decisions, until yesterday that was. Yesterday, I did the one thing that I've thought about doing so many times, the one thing that I've had to stop myself from doing so many times and I don't regret it.
Yes, she ran and I'm going to talk to her about that, but even though she ran, I still don't regret kissing her. Before she ran, she kissed me back. It was a gentle light kiss that only lasted a few minutes before she pulled back, whispered the word sorry and ran.
As much as I wanted to run after her, I knew that I needed to give her space to process what had happened, what we had done. It was unexpected for both of us, but I knew I would kiss her before I even reached her on the pathway, but she didn't, so I guess her shock was more present than mine, so instead of running after her, I watched her run until I could no longer see her, then turned to find both Jack and Tom watching me.
I expected shit from both of them, especially Tom, given the situation, but to my shock, none of them said anything, not a comment, joke or a single word, which is slightly unbelievable. They are either saving it up and will give it all to me at once or maybe for once they can see what is really going on and are acting like adults for once. Yeah... I don't see it being that one. I know I will get crap from them sooner or later.
"You ok sweetheart?" My mom's voice pulls me from my thoughts, her smile lighting up the place as always. I nod, plastering on my best smile while my mind works one hundred miles an hour, trying and failing not to constantly think about Molly. "Are the kids OK?" I didn't think it was wise to bring them back to the farm so soon after everything especially Sophie, so Zack offered to take them out for the day. Thankfully, the local Zoo wasn't affected by the Tornado and the kids love the place, so that's where the three of them went while everyone else will spend the day here figuring out what to do next.
Although between Molly and Katie, my head isn't in the right place for this kind of thing, but it needs to be done. My family and children need their home back. Besides, what else would I spend the day doing? Yes, that's right, I would just spend the day thinking about Molly and constantly worrying about Katie, not that I ain't doing that anyway, but still, anything to try and somewhat distract me is more than fine with me.
Fuck, I miss, Katie. Just thinking about her makes my heart pound and since the moment I found out that she was gone there's been this hollow feeling in my stomach. It feels like a part of me is missing when I think about it. That little girl is my daughter, maybe not by blood, but in every way that matters. I phoned Amy this morning hoping she would change her mind and give Kate back to me earlier than she had planned, but of course, that had been a foolish move on my part. She did, however, send me a picture of Katie sleeping. She looked clean and peaceful and, for that, I'm grateful.
"Christian, darling." I blink my eyes several times to see my mom standing in front of me, worry marring her beautiful face. Shit, my mind drifted off again. "Sorry Mom, I was just thinking about Katie." She gives me a sad smile before grabbing hold of my hand and gently tugging on it. "Come and sit over here." I follow her across the barn until we came to a few bail stacks and she takes a seat tapping the space next to her with an expected look on her face.
I take a seat but don't make eye contact with her because I know the moment I do that I'm going to lose the last piece of sanity I have right now. I'm barely holding on here, my emotions are hanging by a thread and the one person in the world that can break them down is my mom, but I can't allow that to happen right now. I need to remain strong and focused and falling apart just isn't an option.
"Chris. Look at me, sweetheart." She takes my hand while giving me a gentle smile. I shake my head as I continue to look down at the ground. "Christian Bowen!" Oh, fuck. Her Mom's voice is out in force and I may be an adult, but when my Mom uses that voice on me, I still pay attention and listen like I did when I was seven.
I snap my head up to look at her and, despite the bright smile on her face, it's not hard to see the pain in her eyes and it tugs at my already hurting heart. "You know you can talk to me, don't you sweetheart?" I nod, but don't say a word instead I look down at the floor, my shoes suddenly becoming the most fascinating thing in the world. "Honestly, Ma, I wouldn't even know where to start. My head is killing me."
"It's ok to feel like that, son. You have been through hell these past forty-eight hours. In fact, you've been going through hell for the past year and, personally, I'm surprised that you haven't had any kind of breakdown yet." If truth be told, so am I. Amy has gotten worse over the months, but these past few weeks have just been something else.
"It's ok not to be strong all of the time, Christian. It's ok to talk, to feel and to lean on others when you need to. It's ok to let go of the past and create a new future." I keep looking at the floor while mulling over my next words. My mother is a smart cookie and doesn't miss much, she's also insanely good at reading between the lines, which while being a bonus most of the time, It can make hiding things from her almost impossible at times.
"I do have to be strong. I have three children to look after Ma. Children who are going to need me now more than ever as they deal with what Amy has done. She nods her head agreeing but has a strange look on her face. "Yes, that's true but, son, you don't have to be strong on your own. Those children have all of us to help them and we will all be here for them and for you."
"Thank you, Ma." She gives me her loving smile while I swear tests fill her eyes. "You don't need to thank me, son, or any of us for that matter. We are doing this because we want to."
She pulls me into a hug for a few seconds before pulling back and wiping her eyes. "I'm proud of you, son. I haven't told you that lately but I am. You are one incredible man and father and what you are doing for those grandbabies of mine...Well, it just reminds me of how much of an incredible person you are and, even if Amy isn't around, those kids won't miss out not with you as their dad."
Her words bring tears to my eyes. Everyone fails at things in life. I have in the past and I will in the future, but failing my kids is something I don't ever plan on doing. I won't let it happen. "I'll always do what is needed to make sure they have everything they need and that they are happy."
"I know you will, son but in order for them to be happy, for you to make them happy, you need to be happy. You can pretend, but kids can always tell what's real and what's not."
"Plus you deserve happiness, son." I jump hearing my Dad's voice drift in from the doorway. He smiles wide as he looks at me while walking into the room. "Your Dad's right, Chris. I know she hurt you and what she has done to you is just plain evil, but not everyone acts like her."
I hear her talking but my mind keeps drifting to Molly, to her beautiful face, to the kiss we shared. Fuck, I want to do that again. "I know what you are thinking son, and she's not Amyy, not even close."
My head shoots up to find both my parents staring at me. "I don't know what you're on about Ma." I try to forge innocence but straight away I see that it's not going to work.
"So you're telling me that you're not thinking about Molly right now?" I look up at my dad to see him giving me a challenging smile. This man is never afraid to call any of his sons out on their bullshit. I shake my head all the while knowing that he knows I'm lying. "Well, that's good then, because she's just got here with Tom. Callum and Jack have gone to tear them a new one."
What the fuck? I try to disguise how instantly pissed I am but I doubt it worked. "Why?"
"They were both smoking in the truck and neither of the boys were impressed." Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me!