Christian
A few minutes of silence have passed since Molly's words and I'm somewhat grateful for it as it's giving me some time to try and work through what she said. If what's in that envelope is enough to turn her love for him to hate this fast then it's got to something awful, something unforgivable.
Sitting here and listening to her and Tom as they talk about Archie's death has been hard but what's been even harder is seeing the look of hurt on Molly's face. How could he do it to her?
When I read the letter, Archie's suicide note I instantly felt sick, sick and angry. The more I read it the angrier I became and all I've done since the first time I read it is pray that I was wrong. I've prayed that the words didn't mean what I thought, that they were some kind of code words because why would he do that to her?
I've run through so many emotions since reading it including hatred towards him but then I took a moment to try and see it from his point. I've never suffered from depression thankfully and neither has anyone in my family. I always worried that Tom would suffer from PTSD with him being in the army but so far he seems good.
The letter clearly shows that Archie didn't get so lucky and for that, I feel for what he must have been going through but from what I read and from what Tom and Molly have been saying it seems that he didn't even try to get any help for it. Only Tom and Molly knew that he was suffering because that's how he wanted it and if that was his choice then so be it, that was his choice but to end it how he did was disgraceful and selfish.
He would have known that they would have found out how the fire started so why didn't he do it another way? If it was what he really wanted to do... to end it then he could have gone another way about it. He would have known that Molly would have got crap for it and yet he still did it that way and on top of that, he asked her to keep it secret.
Maybe I'm being a dick about it because yes the guy was Ill and clearly not thinking right but still... of all the ways he could have done it he did it the one way that would bring more pain to Molly's life than she needed. She was already going to be grieving his death and yet it seems that that wasn't enough for him.
"Moll's." Tom's voice pulls me out of my head which is properly a good thing right now because I'm just getting myself worked up again. Worked up at a dead man. Fuck! She shakes her head before putting her attention back on Tom. It seems like I wasn't the only one lost in my head.
She shifts her body slightly drawing my attention to my arm around her waist. I'm not sure what made me comfort her like this earlier but I have no plans on letting her go and she doesn't seem to be pulling away either which seems to help my anger as I feel my body starting to calm down.
"I can't... I can't do this... I'm sorry." She starts shaking her head and suddenly jumps up from next to me and slowly walks away from us and towards the steps. Both Tom and I jump up from our seats and step towards her. "Molly, darlin' it's ok." Tom's words are gentle and seem to work as she stops moving but continues to face the backyard.
She shakes her head and I feel a tug in my stomach as a quiet sob leaves her and her body starts to gently shake. She wraps her arms around herself and before I can stop myself I step forward reaching out to her then feel slightly pissed when Tom reaches her first and pulls her into his arms. That should be me. I should be the one comforting her now. She should be in my arms not Tom's. Fuck my mind has done a complete 360 over these past few days. I've gone from wanting her to leave and hoping to never see her again to wanting her in my arms right now and in my life from here on out.
"Molly darlin' it's ok, it's going to be ok." I step closer to them to listen but she doesn't say anything to him. He hooks his finger under her chin and raises her head until she has no choice but to look at him. I can only see the side of her face but it's enough to tug at my heart. She looks defeated and worn out and I just wish there was something I could do to take her pain away right now.
"Molly, you should tell him. You haven't done anything wrong darling." Fuck I want to know so bad that it's taking everything I have not to try and force her into telling me but I can't do that I need her to come to me herself, I need her to tell me herself on her own time and in her own way.
"It's ok Tom. She doesn't have to tell me. I don't want her any more upset than she already is. If her telling me is going to cause her to feel like this, to be this upset then maybe it's better that I don't know." I'm slightly shocked by my own words. I've spent so much time trying to find out all of the truths involving Molly and now here I am willing to walk away from this situation and the chance of actually finding out the answers that I've been so instant on finding out. I take a step back as I finish speaking and after one more glance at Molly, I turn my attention to Tom giving him a nod before turning to leave them alone.
"I know things haven't been good between you two but Molls you can trust him with this, I promise sweetheart you can and I think you need to tell him, you need to tell him and you two need to talk." I wasn't expecting those words out of Tom's mouth and I'd be lying if I said that they don't throw me for a moment, clearly they have the same effect on Molly as her head shoots up and she gives Tom a confused look.
He gives her a reassuring smile and nods then she turns her head to look at me briefly. I hate how sad she looks and she gives nothing away as the look on her face doesn't change. As she turns her head to once again face Tom I look down at the ground and walk around her and Tom and start walking down the steps.
"Chris wait up!" Tom calls out to me but I keep walking. I'm not sure where I'm heading but I just need to get away, I need a moment to myself. What's going to happen now I don't know but one thing I do know is that I want Molly, I want her in my life but she doesn't want to share her secret with me so therefore I need to figure out a way of letting it go. Can I do that? Can I move past my doubts about what she's hiding? I don't have any answers right now but I need to have them and soon.
Molly
I lift my head and watch as Christian walks away from us and heads across the backyard. When it came to telling him about what was in the envelope I just completely froze up and then broke down. For some reason, I wanted to tell him I really did but I just couldn't, I couldn't get the words out. "Molly." I turn my attention back to Tom suddenly feeling guilty for ignoring him just now. I give him my best smile while I will away the new round of tears that are threatening to spill.
"You should tell him, sweetheart. Don't you think it's time this stops? It's time to stop covering for him and walking through life not allowing yourself any happiness. I know the truth is hard to accept, hell, I'm struggling to accept it myself and it wasn't even done to me. What he's done to you for god knows how long was disgusting and shows a side to him that none of us knew about, a side that none of us wanted to know but don't let him rule your life any more Molls, he's done that enough. You've kept his secret out of respect for him but he clearly had none for you so stop letting him rule your life, stop letting him control your thoughts and feelings. It's time to let go Molls. Time to move on."
"I get what you saying Tom, I really do and I know that your right but what does me telling Christian about it have to do with me moving on with my life?" He gives me a disbelieving look but I'm still confused. He walks over to me and turns my body until I'm facing the backyard and Christian. He points at him and then gives me a gentle smile and a small nudge. "You know Molls, underneath all the hurt your feeling you know what I'm talking about."
It takes me a few seconds to realize that Tom has gone inside the house and I'm now standing alone. I know he's right and I know what I need to do... What I want to do. I take a deep breath then slowly head down the steps and across the grass. I keep walking willing my hands to stop shaking as I slowly come up behind Christian whos staring off into the trees ahead of him.
"Christian." His head shoots around to look at me, clearly, he was in his own world and I distracted him. He gives me a gentle smile but doesn't say a word. "We need to talk. I want to tell you everything. I need to." He stays silent for a few seconds then his smile gets a little bigger and he reaches out his hand taking mine in his and gently pulling me closer to him. "Let's go sit down." I nod and follow him back across the yard while willing myself to get the strength that I so desperately need right now.
I'm scared, so scared of revealing it all. So scared of getting judged for being stupid enough not to see any of it but Tom's right it's time to move forward and even though I haven't got a clue about what is going on with Christian and me, if there is anything I still feel the need to tell him everything and fuck its a scary feeling but here goes nothing I guess.