Molly
The moment Christian mentions the letter he found I know it's the one. Archies suicide note. I know because he mentioned how crispy it was, it's crispy from getting wet so many times. Wet from my tears. Wet from my heart breaking every goddam time I read it. Thousands of tears have landed on that letter. I've spent thousands of hours re-reading that letter. Have travelled the world and back and still, that letter has stayed with me. Always on me, always reminding me of my loss, of how much my life has changed and lately... lately it has just been taunting me. The thing has been through a bloody Tornado and yet it survives, how is that even possible? Homes have tumbled to the ground, vehicles torn to pieces, and people have died because of the storm and yet that letter survives it all. It's unbelievable.
As Christian's words register with me my heart begins to pound while my mind starts thinking through a thousand different thoughts. He knows... he knows the truth about Archie's death. I'm shocked into silence, there are no words... no words. What do I say? There's no way of me denying it because he has read the letter. He's read Archie's final words. He's read Archie's last wish. He's read the last thing that my husband asked of me as his wife.
There's no getting away from that and if I'm being honest with myself I don't even know if I want to get away from it anymore. I've kept this secret with me for over a year now, it's been tucked away in my head and in my heart and the only other person in the world to know about it was Tom and he two has kept the secret.
Tom never wanted to keep the secret, right from the very beginning he wanted me to tell everyone the truth but I couldn't, I wouldn't. even when the investigation into the fire was completed and everyone blamed me I still couldn't tell anyone and as much as Tom disagreed with my decision he stuck by me and never breathed a word to anyone.
"Molly... you ok?" I shake my head a little trying to clear some of the fog that has taken over but it's hard, my mind feels muggy and Christian's voice is so faint to my ears that I struggle to give him my attention. "Molly, darlin'." His hand comes to my shoulder and gently squeezes while he speaks low and gentle reassuring words into my ear.
After what feels like forever but in reality is properly only a few seconds I manage to pull my mind away from the fog and back to the present. I turn my head to see Christian, he's moved over across the seat and is now sitting right next to me.
He smiles as he gently moves my hair away from my face. "There she is." His touch is feather-light and causes me to inwardly shiver but I stop myself from thinking about it any more because I don't have the space in my head for it right now. "Does anyone else know about this Molly?" His question throws me for a second but then relief fills me that I'm no longer trapped in my own head. I don't really want to talk about this nor do I want to relive the memories but it's better than being trapped in my own mind, that place is my own worst enemy at the moment.
I nod. "Tom does but no one else... well expect you now. Oh, God. Please Chris, please dont say anything to anyone. please." I start to panic but he moves his hand to my back and gently rubs it up and down helping me to calm back down. "Molls I have no intention of telling anyone. That's not my secret to tell and it's no one's business but I do want you to talk to me about it. Help me makes sense of it." I nod agreeing. As much as I don't want to talk about it, he doesn't have to keep it a secret but he's agreeing to and for that, I feel like I should give something back. Besides there's not much more to the story, not really.
"What do you want to know?" He continues to gently rub my back which is soothing but distracting at the same time but still, I don't stop him. He looks at me and I can see his mind working, properly trying to figure out what to ask first, I can only imagine how many questions are flooding his mind right now. "Whenever there is a house fire there is an investigation. Didn't they discover that it was started deliberately?" Smart question.
I shake my head. "No. they didn't find out that it was suicide. The outcome of the investigation was that a candle has been left burning and a draft in the lounge caused the candle to tip and start the fire. They said that it tipped onto the blanket on the sofa where Aychie was sleeping and his death was ruled as accidental."
Christian doesn't say anything just looks at me like I've got two heads. "His death was ruled as accidental death caused by the fire but it wasn't he killed himself, not only did he kill himself but he did it in a way that made you look like you were to blame for the fire and then as if he hasn't already shit on you he asked you to keep it secret. He asked you to let his family believe that his death was accidental because he was a coward and wouldn't let them see that he was ill. He would rather leave everyone behind and let you take the brunt of their anger than admit that he was struggling." Tom's angry voice booms around us as he makes his way up onto the porch startling me and causing me to move into Christian's side.
I didn't know Tom was close so him appearing out of nowhere frightens the crap out of me while his words cut deep. Just one month ago I would have argued his words but after everything that I've learned today, it's hard to argue it, and to be honest it's hard not to agree with him. The truths I've learned today have opened my eyes and it's as if they have finally made me see the truth in the letter, the truth in what he's done to me and the truth of what kind of person Archie...my husband really was... well the person that he really was towards the end of his life anyway.
He played me. He chewed me up and spat me out and I let him. Even after his death, I continued to cover for him and for what? All I got from that was abuse. I lost my friends, the only family I had ever known and I lost my home. I was so consumed with grief that I failed to pay proper attention to what he was doing to me and now it's too late. Tom saw it from the very beginning but I was too blinded by my love for him. Fuck I've been a fool.
Christian wrapping his arm around my waist is what brings my attention back to Tom as he comes to a stop in front my me and takes a seat on the puffy stool that's across from me. Christian's arm around me feels comforting and as much as I know that I should move or push his arm away I don't, instead, I just sit and let him do it as I try and pull my head out of my ass. What is he playing at? Why is he comforting me?
"What do you mean he killed himself making her look like she was to blame?" Christian practically growls the question at Tom while I feel his who body tense up. Tom doesn't look phased at Christian's attitude though. "He lit a candle and made it look like it fell from the window and set the blanket that he had over him on fire killing him but the thing is, Christian he didn't like candles, never lit them, never even touched them and anyone who knew him knows that. Molly was the one who loved candles and would burn them every day so by him using a candle it looked like she had lit one and forgot to blow it out or something."
"Fuck. Dick move!" He's right and if we were having this conversation just a few days ago then I would be ripping in two these two like a rottweiler as they pretty much insult Archie but as it stands I can't argue it, not one small bit. "What happened when everyone found out the supposed reason for the fire?" I think deep down he knows the answer but still, he asks but I stay silent and instead nod toward Tom giving him permission to talk about it for me because I can't. It's too raw... too painful.
"Hell, that's what happened. Molly got shit from everyone. Family. Friends. Neighbours. It made me so mad because even if it was true and she had left a candle lit it was ruled as an accident and yet they turned against her quicker than Jack takes to work his charm on the ladies. They abounded her when she needed them the most. She was left alone at the funeral, and not one person offered her comfort or kind words instead they slated her behind her back and give her evil looks even during the ceremony they didn't let up on her." I knew Tom disagreed with me keeping the secret but I never knew how deep it run or how he really felt about the situation and Archie for what he's done.
"I've been such an idiot!" The words rush out of my mouth before I can stop them. Tom shakes his head while I feel Christian tighten his hold on my waist. "No, you're not." Tom's quick to say while Christian nods agreeing. "I'm sorry he did that to you, Molly." Christian sounds sincere and genuine, more genuine than he's been with me since we met anyway.
"Molls, what else has he done to you? What was in that envelope today?" His questions through me through a loop as my mind reels as I relive everything that's happened today. He turns so he's facing me better and it's clear to see that he's not going to let this drop easy. I take a deep breath and look toward Tom who nods encouraging me to talk as I take a long slow deep breath. "More than I ever expected. Enough to turn my love for him to hate."