My mom was my world.
She died a few years ago after losing her battle with Colon cancer. She'd battled it for a few years before it ultimately claimed her. Even though it was expected for the few months leading up to it, it didn't make the pain go away. Not in the slightest.
I was broken.
I was in middle school and I remember being so heartbroken I felt numb. I didn't go to school for a while but even after returning, I resembled a zombie. I was always in my own world and never let anyone in.
I didn't understand how God would let something like that happen to her, happen to me. What did we ever do to deserve so much pain?
I hated everything. I hated life.
That's when Ezra came along.
The first time I saw him was the first time, after my mom's death that I felt not so horrible. He walked in and it felt like everything stopped, just for that moment. Just so we can look back and tell our kids about it.
He had on track pants and a white shirt that had a mustard stain on his collar. We were always required to wear our school uniforms so they'd be able to identify which school each student came from, but not once did he wear his, despite the number of times he'd get in trouble for it. Eventually they'd given up trying.
I didn't think it was coincidental that I met him at the one place mom used to force me to go to, my Saturday classes. It was like he was heaven sent.
I'd continued going to them even though I didn't really need to anymore. Saturday school was for kids who struggled academically but everyone was welcome. But no one really went.
There was something about being there that made me feel connected to her, in some way.
So when he walked in I just knew it. I knew he was potentially going to be the key holder of my heart. And hold the key he did.
He made me believe in life again. Just the sight of him got me out of my misery.
He wasn't the most popular guy at Saturday school, he was in fact one of the goofy ones. He always made me laugh even though I tried really hard not to. His presence was my revival.
"Hey there beautiful one." He'd said to me randomly one day as we sat outside during lunch. It was the first time he'd ever spoken to me even though I'd known him for a few months.
People avoided me, I was the sad girl. So I'd been surprised when he came and had a seat next to me.
"You don't talk much do you?" He'd followed up but was still met with silence. I'd expected him to go after, that's what everyone did eventually but he didn't. He stayed and we just sat and ate our lunch in silence.
"You're looking extra beautiful today." He'd said to me the Saturday that followed.
"I like that color on you." He'd said the Saturday after that. And then it became a normal thing. Until one day he'd said,
"Is that a smile I see?"
It was. I'd tried really hard to hide it but I'd failed miserably. See he'd upgraded from just giving me compliments whenever he saw me to having full-on one-sided conversations with me.
He'd used to tell me everything. From the kind of week he had to the things he really loved about his grandmother. He was so passionate that I didn't hate our Saturday lunch breaks together, I looked forward to them.
I'd go through the week wondering what story he was going to tell me.
When I smiled, it wasn't because of the compliment or the stories really, even though they were really beautiful. It was his resilience, his consistency. Through the weeks, not once did he not show up for me.
Who was this guy?
One day I'd responded saying,
"I'm Alex,"
I knew he knew my name. I knew it was either through someone or he saw it on one of my books. I hadn't ever introduced myself to him and I thought that was the least I could do after all the free entertainment he'd been given me.
He'd smiled in shock at that. And then,
"You talk? I feel so cheated." He'd joked. And I laughed, really hard while he just stared at me. It was the first I'd shared a laugh in a while. It didn't take long after that to warm up to him and start engaging in the conversations.
We talked about everything.
He was very good-looking but seemed to be a lot different from the people he hung out with. I'd realized we had that in common.
We were both friends with very popular people. He with Bruno and me with Liz. They were two of some of the most popular kids in our district and were known throughout the city. We were just their friends, barely known but yet we didn't mind.
The two weren't in Saturday school so they'd been clueless about our bond.
I'd never met Bruno but I'd heard a lot about him. Everyone knew the infamous Bruno Steiner. He'd only met Liz a few times in passing, but he was sure she didn't know who he was.
We were both lost souls in a world filled with socialites and 'influencers'.
So we'd hung around until he eventually asked me out, I'd said yes without even thinking about it. It wasn't a secret that I liked him.
We weren't necessarily dating in secret, we just chose not to tell people about our special bond, in fear of ruining it. We went out and did couple stuff but usually at places we knew our friends wouldn't be.
I knew Liz would've made a big deal out of it because he was my first boyfriend and I didn't want that. I wanted us to enjoy what he had alone.
So every Saturday after school, we'd hang out.
It went on like that for a while.
He'd always had a deep passion for football, although he wasn't playing it in high school. It was something he'd used to do with his father before he passed on so he'd felt weird about playing it without him.
When we started varsity I practically forced him to go for football tryouts. He'd denied doing that for so long until he'd eventually went through with it. He'd said it was to shut me up. Whatever.
But when he got on that field, he'd stolen hearts with his incredible talents so much that the coach wasted no time having him on the team. I can't explain the pride I'd felt at that.
We'd of course made sure to go to the same university as we couldn't bear the thought of not seeing each other enough. We needed each other.
Ezra had lost his father a while before I lost my mom. I think this was the biggest reason behind our undeniable bond. Once I found out I felt so understood. We carried each other through that and more.
Although for him it was a bit different because while I was still left with my dad, he was raised by his grandmother who was struggling financially. She'd lost her job because of her age and they were forced to live off of government checks. So they struggled, a lot.
I stood by him.
He'd never met his mother because she chose not to be in his life and beyond his grandmother, he didn't have much family.
So we were each other's strength.
He gradually started getting recognition as he'd been bringing home victory from his games. He'd been so good that it was hardly a surprise when he was eventually drafted by one of the biggest teams in the country.
He got even more popular after that.
I was so proud of him. There's something about watching the love of your life achieve his goals that I can't quite explain.
Football was his passion and I'd been his biggest cheerleader. Even when people still didn't know we were dating.
I'd never had an issue with our somewhat private relationship before. But when he came to me and told me that we needed to start being more on the down-low, it left a bad taste in my mouth.
Of course I'd told him this as we'd always promised to be honest with each other no matter what, but he'd responded saying it was for our own good. How could I have ever argued that?
He'd said that once people knew about us, we'd lose the special thing that made us, us. I'd smiled at that.
It was true. Our whole bond started with the fact that only we knew about it, so it made sense how he would think we'd be ruined once everyone knew.
So we kept being private.
We couldn't go for dates anymore or anywhere in public as people had started recognizing him. Things only got worse the more he got popular. It got harder.
We both realized but we couldn't really do anything about it. But we both held on, for a while. Until one of us let go. And that wasn't me.